NC And Over Analyzing When We Do Get Contact

[Discarded26]

As the title says... .  

What is the best way to STOP over analyzing and not get upset over it?

I keep getting UNEXPECTED contact every 2 to 3 weeks, its been 8 weeks now.

I've blocked and done what I can, but I'm sick of caring/hurting/feeling bad about myself

[seeking balance]

As the title says... .  

What is the best way to STOP over analyzing and not get upset over it?

I keep getting UNEXPECTED contact every 2 to 3 weeks, its been 8 weeks now.

I've blocked and done what I can, but I'm sick of caring/hurting/feeling bad about myself

What do you consider "over" analyzing?

It is normal to feel upset - you are hurt. and the contact likely feels like a scab being ripped off

[Discarded26]

As the title says... .  

What is the best way to STOP over analyzing and not get upset over it?

I keep getting UNEXPECTED contact every 2 to 3 weeks, its been 8 weeks now.

I've blocked and done what I can, but I'm sick of caring/hurting/feeling bad about myself

What do you consider "over" analyzing?

It is normal to feel upset - you are hurt. and the contact likely feels like a scab being ripped off

Well I think to myself... .  

Why he messaged?

The message doesn't make sense?

What it really mean?

Is he just trying to hurt me/turn me black?

Why send contact every 2 to 3 weeks?

Etc etc

Just WHY WHY WHY?

I hate myself for doing it. He get's what he wants, me thinking of him AGAIN

I know it's all about him. Doesn't care what hes done to me and my feelings

I just seem to get in a great place, sort my head out and then he gets in touch

I'm just sick of it. It's playing games and after what he has done. It's not on

Like I'm being punished for getting on with my life. He told me to 'let go'  He needs to learn to take his own damn advice

[seeking balance]

Well I think to myself... .  

Why he messaged?

The message doesn't make sense?

What it really mean?

Is he just trying to hurt me/turn me black?

Why send contact every 2 to 3 weeks?

Etc etc

Just WHY WHY WHY?

What I did, was say "SB, why - because I believe there are BPD traits, otherwise I wouldn't be on a support group.  Now, what do I feel?" 

Then process those feelings.

I hate myself for doing it. He get's what he wants, me thinking of him AGAIN

I know it's all about him. Doesn't care what hes done to me and my feelings

ok - I know you are upset.

I remember being sick & tired of ... .  well, me!

It is up to you to care about you now - not him.  What do you need?  Should you go for a run?  boxing class?  what can you do to get that energy out of your system?

I just seem to get in a great place, sort my head out and then he gets in touch

I'm just sick of it. It's playing games and after what he has done. It's not on

Great place?  Really?  If it were great, you wouldn't so quickly bounce back to this extreme.  Let's look at what is really going on - you get to the point of not panicking is likely more accurate, right?

Like I'm being punished for getting on with my life. He told me to 'let go'  He needs to learn to take his own damn advice

Don't shoot me for saying this - but if you know this is going to be YOUR reaction - why the heck are you still reading it?

[Discarded26]

Well I think to myself... .  

Why he messaged?

The message doesn't make sense?

What it really mean?

Is he just trying to hurt me/turn me black?

Why send contact every 2 to 3 weeks?

Etc etc

Just WHY WHY WHY?

What I did, was say "SB, why - because I believe there are BPD traits, otherwise I wouldn't be on a support group.  Now, what do I feel?"  

Then process those feelings.

I hate myself for doing it. He get's what he wants, me thinking of him AGAIN

I know it's all about him. Doesn't care what hes done to me and my feelings

ok - I know you are upset.

I remember being sick & tired of ... .  well, me!

It is up to you to care about you now - not him.  What do you need?  Should you go for a run?  boxing class?  what can you do to get that energy out of your system?

I just seem to get in a great place, sort my head out and then he gets in touch

I'm just sick of it. It's playing games and after what he has done. It's not on

Great place?  Really?  If it were great, you wouldn't so quickly bounce back to this extreme.  Let's look at what is really going on - you get to the point of not panicking is likely more accurate, right

Like I'm being punished for getting on with my life. He told me to 'let go'  He needs to learn to take his own damn advice

Don't shoot me for saying this - but if you know this is going to be YOUR reaction - why the heck are you still reading it?

What do you mean by that? I'm here just to let out my anger/hurt/feelings?

I don't think I need any energy out of my system? I'm just tired of the 'games'

What do you mean by panicking? I mean great place as in. I feel happier in myself a bit more, baby steps. Yes some down days, but slowly having more good days the longer I feel he's 'gone'


I don't quite get that question? Reading what, his messages? It was an unexpected form of contact. Was deleted, so didn't realize I could still get a message

[seeking balance]

What do you mean by that? I'm here just to let out my anger/hurt/feelings?

I don't think I need any energy out of my system? I'm just tired of the 'games'

being angry is necessary for letting go.  You are here processing your feelings... .  this energy needs to go somewhere, right?  Your title suggested you were tired of over analyzing... .  did I misunderstand?

What do you mean by panicking? I mean great place as in. I feel happier in myself a bit more, baby steps. Yes some down days, but slowly having more good days the longer I feel he's 'gone'

Ok - so a bit more balanced then... .  perhaps symantics here - great suggested to me... .  well, great.

I don't quite get that question? Reading what, his messages? It was an unexpected form of contact. Was deleted, so didn't realize I could still get a message

unexpected?  how did you get the message?

[Discarded26]

I feel I have let go in some sense. I know it's over. I don't want him back. But him contacting me, hurts, because he's nice/nasty and it does bring up emotions, course it does. He broke my heart

The unexpected message was FB, I deleted him 8 weeks ago when it ended. My profile is private and sending messages was always set to 'friends only' Didn't realize they changed it, so anyone can message. So I blocked him when I got a message

[seeking balance]

I feel I have let go in some sense. I know it's over. I don't want him back. But him contacting me, hurts, because he's nice/nasty and it does bring up emotions, course it does. He broke my heart

Yeah, I understand this... .  contact just pushes buttons.

You might laugh, but what I did was use article 9 - https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm

as my gauge for my emotional state when my buttons were pushed.

I printed out this article and would go through each one to remind myself of the "truth".

It is normal that we do just have to get mad and then cry it out - it hurts... .  we were hurt to our core. We can analyze the whys... .  but the reality is time and tears is how we get to the other side.

The unexpected message was FB, I deleted him 8 weeks ago when it ended. My profile is private and sending messages was always set to 'friends only' Didn't realize they changed it, so anyone can message. So I blocked him when I got a message

ahh... .  gotcha

Well you have him blocked totally now, so that is a good thing.  It has only been 8 weeks - try to be gentle with yourself... .  you really are doing just fine.

[Blessed0329]

My ex had been doing the same thing, contacting me in some minor way about every 2-1/2 weeks, like clockwork. And what he said often didn't make sense, like he expected me to respond to ask him what on earth he was talking about. He did this stuff, I believe, just to make sure I didn't forget about him. I was getting jumpy every time the anniversary drew near, because I knew he would hit me with something. So... .  I did something off script. I emailed him out of the blue. Now, I am not recommending this action for anyone else, as I certainly did not thoroughly think it through, but this does seems to have had the effect of throwing him off balance. He responded to my email, then stopped his contacts. That was 8 weeks ago.

We were still FB friends, however, so he then began posting status updates that were directed at me. After much angst, I deleted him from my friends list. I have not heard a peep from him, but it's only been 1-1/2 weeks.

So far, what has worked for me is taking the reins out of his hands. He doesn't seem to know what to do if he isn't in control.

[Discarded26]

I feel I have let go in some sense. I know it's over. I don't want him back. But him contacting me, hurts, because he's nice/nasty and it does bring up emotions, course it does. He broke my heart

Yeah, I understand this... .  contact just pushes buttons.

You might laugh, but what I did was use article 9 - https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm

as my gauge for my emotional state when my buttons were pushed.

I printed out this article and would go through each one to remind myself of the "truth".

It is normal that we do just have to get mad and then cry it out - it hurts... .  we were hurt to our core. We can analyze the whys... .  but the reality is time and tears is how we get to the other side.

The unexpected message was FB, I deleted him 8 weeks ago when it ended. My profile is private and sending messages was always set to 'friends only' Didn't realize they changed it, so anyone can message. So I blocked him when I got a message

ahh... .  gotcha

Well you have him blocked totally now, so that is a good thing.  It has only been 8 weeks - try to be gentle with yourself... .  you really are doing just fine.

Yeah it pushed buttons that's for sure. But my buttons don't want to be pushed anymore

Haha I've read that article to . Think I've read up and researched so much. Hence I'm here on this site

I feel a little better today. 8 weeks isn't long. From how I was then, to now. I'm quite proud of myself. Was in such a state the first 3 weeks. In think that's part being honest with my feelings and not bottling them up

[Discarded26]

My ex had been doing the same thing, contacting me in some minor way about every 2-1/2 weeks, like clockwork. And what he said often didn't make sense, like he expected me to respond to ask him what on earth he was talking about. He did this stuff, I believe, just to make sure I didn't forget about him. I was getting jumpy every time the anniversary drew near, because I knew he would hit me with something. So... .  I did something off script. I emailed him out of the blue. Now, I am not recommending this action for anyone else, as I certainly did not thoroughly think it through, but this does seems to have had the effect of throwing him off balance. He responded to my email, then stopped his contacts. That was 8 weeks ago.

We were still FB friends, however, so he then began posting status updates that were directed at me. After much angst, I deleted him from my friends list. I have not heard a peep from him, but it's only been 1-1/2 weeks.

So far, what has worked for me is taking the reins out of his hands. He doesn't seem to know what to do if he isn't in control.

It does seem like clockwork. When I think I'm now safe and won't get anymore contact and I feel a bit better about everything. There he is, like a bad smell.

Making himself to be the victim     If I didn't laugh, I'd cry

I would not get in contact with him. He will think I still want him, care about him etc. Isn't worth it and don't want him to have the 'power' back

Only contact Ive had really is telling him about 3 weeks ago (when he sent me a accident text not meant for me). Was that, please delete my number, thank you.

No emotion or anything, obviously he couldn't resist sending me a message to confuse me, but I never replied and went all quiet again. Then get that unexpected message. I'm hoping he did delete my number since he used FB to send me a message (even though made no sense at all)

Fingers crossed anyway, find out in about 3 weeks