Damaged Goods

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

It’s been 2 years since I left my uBPDxbf; I went through the contact stages of anger, blaming, avoiding the FOG from him, his ploy for sympathy and false sincerity and finally finally 6 months ago I cut off contact completely after an episode of fear of losing him I literally felt I could not breathe and it scared me “why am I reacting like this with someone who treats me this way?” I realized I have to stop this.

I’ve been trying to move on after 2 years of depression, research, and self healing, I’m finally going on with my life. I realized something changed about me; I’ve become a recluse not wanting to go places and do things where interaction with people is necessary. I’ve tried dating but I’ve become critical, intolerant. I don’t want to leave the house where I feel safe. Bottom line, I’m not the person I use to be. I use to be friendly and outgoing. I’ve turned out to be like him in a sense. Does this make sense?

[DazedNConfuzd]

It’s been 2 years since I left my uBPDxbf; I went through the contact stages of anger, blaming, avoiding the FOG from him, his ploy for sympathy and false sincerity and finally finally 6 months ago I cut off contact completely after an episode of fear of losing him I literally felt I could not breathe and it scared me “why am I reacting like this with someone who treats me this way?” I realized I have to stop this.

I’ve been trying to move on after 2 years of depression, research, and self healing, I’m finally going on with my life. I realized something changed about me; I’ve become a recluse not wanting to go places and do things where interaction with people is necessary. I’ve tried dating but I’ve become critical, intolerant. I don’t want to leave the house where I feel safe. Bottom line, I’m not the person I use to be. I use to be friendly and outgoing. I’ve turned out to be like him in a sense. Does this make sense?

[grad]

1) Accept that you love this person and all you want for them is to be happy.  True love is nothing more than SACRIFICE.  I'm not religious but it was the best definition I ever had of love from a devoutly christian coworker. 

2) Accept that for you to be happy means not being lonely and giving/receiving the love you deserve from someone else

That's my advice.  I'm almost 2 months out of a 1.5 month relationship so it makes it easier for me to put things in perspective.  I loved my exBPDgf more than anyone, and she's taught me more about love after being discarded than I ever would have received IN the r/s.  It was what we both needed, perhaps it's the same for you.

Remember, love is sacrifice. 

[blecker]

It is hard to remain unscathed after an emotional war.

We do have scars and some are more pronounced than others.

But learning to risk again is what took me the longest. When you feel like your down to your last two chips it is hard to go all in.

But I did and I think at some point we all must.