Not sure how much more I can take

[benny2]

Things have been going seemingly well for the last few weeks. Although it has been bothering me that he will not talk to me or have me over when his daughter is there. I am not sure what his reasons are for this, but I am thinking its his own embarassment because he keeps going back and forth about things. It could also be that he brought another women into the picture while we were apart. I wish I knew, but even if I ask him, I probably won't get an honest answer so why open a can of worms.

Last night I went over to a friends house, a women friend that he knows, and turned my phone off for a while. I had numerous text messages from him when I turned it back on. Where are you? What did I do now? ect. Seems like he really freaked because I did not answer back right away. I texted him and told him he did nothing wrong, I was over at a friends and had my phone off. Now he will not answer me. Am I being punished? Is he using this to push me away again? How do I react to this? Just let him be and come back on his own or do I try to find out why he won't talk to me? This is so difficult and I feel like I have no life outside of him. He expects me to sit here and wait for his messages. He constantly thinks I am doing something wrong.  Could it be his own guilt reflecting onto me?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[laelle]

You can text him and ask how he is doing.  You can get a better feel for his mood then.  From my personal experience I would say he is punishing you for making him feel feelings of abandonment.  He does not understand they are his emotions on overload and not you doing anything.  If he answers great, maybe you can end the silence there.  If not, just give him his time to be sore about it and continue on with your day.

Hope this helps.

[TigerEye]

I totally echo what laelle has said above. A short text to let him know you're thinking about/missing him can be enough to let him know you're still there, even if it provokes an initially grumpy or otherwise negative response, it can get the communication channels open again. Once sent, it's best to leave it at that, give him the space and time he needs to get himself together, for when he's ready, when the want or need is there, he'll be in touch.

In the mean time, how about you? What about taking some of this quiet time to think about a life for you alongside the r/s? How could you better fill your time when things are this way? Go explore your likes, I bet there's some things that you enjoy that have been either neglected or overlooked because of your situation, now could be a good time to expend a little effort towards those things. Go make yourself happy - you are allowed!

[benny2]

Thanks laelle and tigereye, I just don't want to make things worse. I texted him and asked him how he doing but no response. Sometimes I think he just looks for any little thing to shove me out of the picture because he just does'nt know what he wants or who from one day to the next. At this point I have only been his sleeping partner because he cannot sleep alone. He is'nt involving me in any other aspect of his life. Its a work weekend for me so thats where my time will be spent, but unfortunately it will be a long one with little sleep.

[laelle]

I know how you feel Benny,

I have been banished from the boyfriend world as well.  We all have decisions to make with what we can live with vs the life we could have.

Give him time, he is probably just grumpy.  They live in a miserable world and can never be truly happy.