Hello friends,
I wanted to give an update on my dd16 on this most celebratory day.
She is doing well in school, passing all classes of her sophomore year in the public high school, no special accommodations. She works below her potential, mostly due to her dislike of attending school at all. She accepts that it is what she must do so there are no problems getting her to go, no battles of wills. Much improvement there. She has made a few new friends this year that she enjoys spending time with during and after school/weekends. Most of her friends she has had for several years and continues to nurture those relationships. In most all of these relationships she is the more mature one regarding interpersonal skills, life perspective, and emotional grounding... . all skills she learned at Falcon Ridge.
Her peers seem to all struggle with self image issues (it's the age combined with poor parenting skills at home). There have been at least 3 different friends that have come to stay with us short term or overnights to escape stressors in their own homes... . my dd16 assuring them that "my mom understands" and my dd16 has also requested that I speak with these moms to try to help them understand their daughters. Only 1 mom ever called me for info.
In the "boy" departments, she has had 2 boyfriends that didn't last, the most recent exbf she broke up with. She told me that he started talking mean to her and making fun of her for no apparent reason one evening at the teen hangout in town. She told him to "get lost" and I never saw him again. Yea for having good boundaries and not ignoring the
. It was a short term set back emotionally for her... . about 2 days and she was back to herself. We didn't talk much about it... . just validated that it must be painful and confusing for her. She went 5 months without another love interest saying "I just need to be free from boy drama and spend time with my friends for a while" which she did. Six months ago she started dating a young man who has major FOO issues and seems to suffer some anxiety. He is a nice, quiet, polite boy. dd16 is most definitely the leader in the r/s and holds him accountable for any thinking errors, low self image issues and r/s issues w/his younger brother. She spends time at his house almost daily and helps the grandmother cook, clean and babysit the nephew. She is willing to do much more at the bf's house than at home and at the same time is learning about responsibilities. We will take good lessons anyway they come.
dd16 just completed the online version of her driving school and has about 15 more actual driving hours before she can take her tests and get her license. This will present a whole new set of issues to deal with regarding limits so that is something we will need to work out as we go. All in all she is the average teen regarding pushing limits and respects my boundaries. Much improvement there! She earns money by working here at the ranch along side her boyfriend doing "ranch work" like hauling hay, repairing fences, feeding cows and working on equipment. She hasn't earned an allowance in quite some time as she is not home during the daylight hours most days.
We have not attended therapy for over a year as it was causing many problems between us. The supportive position of a therapist without the accountability for using her skills was undermining my authority with her... . I have told her she can go back into therapy at anytime she feels she needs to. She has remained on the same dosage of prozac and abilify since she was at Falcon Ridge until very recently. Her pdoc cut the abilify in half. We tried that for 3 weeks, I could tell that she was less emotionally stable and we discussed if the med decrease may be why. She said "I hadn't thought of that so maybe". We went back on the regular dosage and she has been good since. She continues to be med compliant and still needs to be reminded to take them.
dd16 has continued to accept her previous dx of mdd, odd, emerging BPD. She can relate to others who struggle with the thinking errors and emotionality that she struggled with and this gives her a unique perspective to be a help to others. She is very compassionate and understanding. She can still be very hard on herself sometimes. Just this past Friday she locked the keys in the truck (we have no spare) along with her cell phone and laptop. She came in saying ":)ad blamed it all on me". She grabbed a screw driver to go punch out the lock. I told her "no". She was upset and said her phone and laptop were going to fry. I told her "I know you are upset. It isn't that hot today and we can get them out. We will find a solution to this problem." She went outside to be alone and calm down while we called a friend who has the means to open the door. She came back in 10 minutes later and said "I am just so mad at myself for doing something so stupid". I reassured her that it happens to all of us at least once in our lives and that it is not wise of us to have only 1 key and we need to get another key made. The end. No more mood, anger, self criticism. Return to baseline 10 minutes.
dd16 spends most of her free time with her friends and boyfriend. At home she likes to play on her xbox and do an occassional art project. She is looking forward to getting her license and a summer job. She plans to move back to the city after her graduation from high school and attend the community college to take some art classes and would also like to attend cosmotology school. We purchased a 3 bedroom condo 3 blocks from the community college and there are several cosmotology schools in the general area. The plan is for her to live there with a roommate until she finds her own path in life.
The future looks bright for my girl!
Thanks for reading.
lbjnltx
