start of PAS or nothing to worry about?

[Forward2free]

Family report due start of April. Kinds second last visit with N/BPDxh yesterday before the evaluation.

He told them in the car that he wanted to speak to them separately when they got to the house. DD7 said no, they'd do it now, together.

“dad said that <Kormilda> was trying to keep daddy from seeing the kids and he’s spending thousands and thousands of money to see them and <Kormilda> is keeping them apart.

DD asked me if that was true. I left the room, got my iPhone, hit record and came back.

She told me that dad said it wasn't fair and wanted them to come for sleepovers and he wanted them to tell <evaluator> that they wanted to spend more time with him, and that <Kormilda> says no, that it’s <Kormilda’s> fault they can’t be together.

I told her that I am not trying to keep daddy away from you. But, I am trying to make sure that whenever you see dad, it’s at the right time. These are grown up things to discuss and other people will talk to dad and I and decide when it’s the right time.

I asked DD what it makes her think, she said “that he’s lying”.

She also said that she didn’t want to tell me in front of younger DS because he would “butt in all the time” and try to stop her from telling me. She said DS thought it was a bit strange too.

DD said “DS kept saying “I don’t know why you keep saying that” and that dad got mad that they wanted to stay in the car to chat and not get out of the car.”

“Dad said “I want you to say I want to stay with my dad everyday. Don’t let mum try and get you away from me. DD said it made her head feel a bit strange.”

New GF was in the car at the time too!

I went and spoke to DS6 and he said:

“Dad said mum’s just trying to get me away from you. Dad said I think mums trying to not let us have sleepovers at his house and I pay so many money to try and get us to have sleepovers at his house. So many thousands and thousands of money. Maybe mums trying to stop us from seeing each other. Tell the lady to make us see him more, not big sleepovers, maybe half of the night, not the whole night.”

DS asked me :Why are you trying to not make us see dad anymore?”

I calmly said “its not about that, its about making sure that when you see dad, everything is ok. I am not trying to stop dad from seeing you, or stop you from seeing him, but to make sure that its all ok”

DS said “Awwh, so you're not trying to make us stop seeing dad?”

I said “No, somethings are for grownups to talk about and somethings are for kids to talk about and I think maybe the things that dad was talking to you about today are not really for kids and so you don’t have to worry about that, the grownups will have those kind of conversations and work out the right thing to do.”

DS really wants to sleepover, lots of cool things in his room including a wooden cubby house that he’s allowed to sleep in. It just seems so unfair that he’s turned to this level now, that he’s trying to use guilt on the kids. I have never told the kids that I spend money protecting them!

Did I say the right things? What should I do?

Forensic Psychologist released his addendum report and said that “N/BPDxh has a history involving assault, theft, permitting a dog to attack an animal, stalking, various breaches of IVO’s. claims and counter claims involving counter claims of Kormilda, ex-wife and others, would be consistent particularly the earlier convictions and offenses, of someone likely to suffer from a PD with Antisocial and Aggressive Features.” He has said that he considers it necessary that N/BPDxh continues psychiatric treatment for a further 12 month period together with some motioning of his contact with the children.

My guess is he was trying to counter the negative report? He is also trying to settle out of court. I don’t have the money either, but I am holding firm.

[marbleloser]

"You coached DD7 to say that and then recorded it"

See what I'm getting at? Recording kids,and I do it too,is something a judge or CE doesn't usually think highly of.Your X's atty can make the argument that you coached the kids to say these things.I usually only record at pick ups and drop offs.Every now and then,the kids will say something and I'll get the recorder and ask them to repeat it,without them knowing I'm recording.It helped in deposition,for sure.The recording wasn't listened to,but the contents were brought up.

[motherof1yearold]

Oh gosh!  

I'm so concerned for you right now.

Though my child is at toddler age (1.5 year) , I have already experienced this. My daughter was kept away from me for 30 days by uBPDh.

Be extremely cautious at this point and retain an attorney if you haven't already.

Good luck

[Forward2free]

Thankfully, no contact with N/BPDxh so attorneys do all the talking.

I should have said that neither of the children know I recorded them, I had it under my shirt. They were speaking freely and I tried to make sure that my comments were not leading or anything that could be taken out of context.

I have written a transcript of the conversation, and will mention the conversation in the court materials, but not use the recording.

I am not sure if I should tell the CE that I recorded it, or just speak about what the kids told me instead.

[marbleloser]

Run it by your atty. and see what they think.

This is going to hold more water than anything.An expert third party trumps both of you.

"Forensic Psychologist released his addendum report and said that “N/BPDxh has a history involving assault, theft, permitting a dog to attack an animal, stalking, various breaches of IVO’s. claims and counter claims involving counter claims of Kormilda, ex-wife and others, would be consistent particularly the earlier convictions and offenses, of someone likely to suffer from a PD with Antisocial and Aggressive Features.” He has said that he considers it necessary that N/BPDxh continues psychiatric treatment for a further 12 month period together with some motioning of his contact with the children"