Just wanna vent! Been hormonal past few days, worse than usual, quite sensitive and emotional although I've done all I can to keep UBPD (w/NPD traits)h informed as to why. I felt like I was doing well avoiding stress & upset, taking it easy and surprise surprise h only had one melt down which I handled well & it blew over real quick for a change. Sunday h pops out, d's start arguing so I give punishment then d12 attacks d10 so I step in to break it up only for d12 to physically attack me by hitting out. Because of my already emotional state I said "I really could hit you now but I won't stoop to that level" wrong I know but I was so shocked and hurt I found it hard to control myself, she then said to me " you are nothing more than a dumb housewife with no friends and no life and nobody likes you" now a few years ago I would say this was true but the past two years I have studied hard doing two courses at a time and I do have a few friends. Even so in my state of mind this hurt real bad and was obviously disrespectful. I then went on to say " if that's how you feel you are on your own because this dumb housewife is on strike so I will do nothing for you" again not ideal but in the moment it just blurted out and I am at a loss at what to do.
It has been such a struggle to adhere to boundaries and consequences with my children as every time we have them in place and all is well my h does a twister and completely undermines me and either let's them do whatever they want or goes right over the top and treats them like the scum of the earth for the smallest thing, yet they all seem to favour him and look badly at me. Luckily on this occasion h had my back and supported me... . until... . this morning I thought everyone had gone and was having a sob in the bathroom, just letting go of some pent up emotion when my h comes in and says in an ever so calm and serious way " I think you should go to the doctor because you obviously need help" well, in my already emotional state this really pushed me and I replied " what do you think the doctor will do for disrespectful spoilt children then? The behave bad and I need a doctor?" He went off to work and I pulled myself together as always.
Isn't it typical just when things are getting better I am suddenly seeming insane, h called mid morn and asked how I was doing maybe he thought I was gonna fall apart
and I know it is bad but I couldn't help making a joke saying " the doctors sending me to the shrink because I need sectioning as my children have no respect" he changed the subject and we left it there.
Hoping for bit more normality, going to have some me time today ( no dumb housewife housework for me) and hopefully cope better later!
