She acted like I did not Exist.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Seen the my BPD Ex tonight while I got much needed gas for the car. but she did not even look at me during the whole transaction. It was Has if I did not Exist.      I ask her how she has been?  looking right at her and she said nothing and did not look at me. 10 seconds later she ask if I wanted recipe. I said yes. she handed it to  me with out looking at me. I said thank you and left.  She said nothing .   I don't understand. I was always good to her. She acts like I dont exist. Well I do exist. WHT*? 

[jonnyz]

Seen the my BPD Ex tonight while I got much needed gas for the car. but she did not even look at me during the whole transaction. It was Has if I did not Exist.      I ask her how she has been?  looking right at her and she said nothing and did not look at me. 10 seconds later she ask if I wanted recipe. I said yes. she handed it to  me with out looking at me. I said thank you and left.  She said nothing .   I don't understand. I was always good to her. She acts like I dont exist. Well I do exist. WHT*? 

[MakeItHappen]

I WISH I had an answer for you. Guess I am replying because I don't get it either.

Have yet to see my exBPD (whew).

Just know, this is the place to get understanding and compassion. Like minded thoughts and hopefully, move on sooner than later.

Stay strong.

[GustheDog]

I haven't existed for six months.  She conscripted her 72-year-old father to ask me to leave her alone because she is too much of a coward to clean up her own messes.  

And one of the last things she said to me via email was that she didn't care if I was having a hard time with the breakup - that was something I needed to deal with myself - and also that she's had to put up with MY "crazy ___" and that she "never did anything to cause me any trouble."

If I had enough money in the bank to feed myself for the next 50 years, I'd probably self-lobotomize rather than process this crap.

[SarahinMA]

Oh yeah, I know this all too well.  There were so many times after he broke up with me where he would look right at me and pretend like he didn't know me... .  walk right by me and not say anything. If I tried to initiate conversation, he would look extremely uncomfortable and give me one-word answers. It was so painful and shocking.  Now, I'm just used to it.  I'm not sure if I'm still painted black in his eyes and therefore he's just giving me the cold shoulder OR he's so deep in his protective bubble of denial that he honestly does view me as a stranger. 

I used to want to shake him and yell "We dated for two years!  I've met your family! I've seen you naked!"      Now, it's almost humorous. 

[expos]

This is how they function.  Cold, emotionless, btchy.  I've been preaching this over and over here   This is part of the illness.

Every relationship I've had with those considered "normal" have not ended this way.  They are willing to give you time and talk things over.  My brother explained to me that he and his ex-girlfriend of 4 years took nearly 3 weeks to separate, talking each other through it, sorting out differences, emailing each other, trying to understand each other.

BPD's don't except responsibility for these things.  It's not that they are cowardly, it's that if you don't benefit them in any way, then you don't exist.

It's a constant struggle for me, and like SarahinMA said, I want to grab my ex-wife and say the same thing!  It's just psychotic.   

[MakeItHappen]

BPD's don't except responsibility for these things.  It's not that they are cowardly, it's that if you don't benefit them in any way, then you don't exist.

EXACTLY! It's not an easy or rational thing to swallow but it is, oh so true.

[jaird]

BPD's don't except responsibility for these things.  It's not that they are cowardly, it's that if you don't benefit them in any way, then you don't exist.

EXACTLY! It's not an easy or rational thing to swallow but it is, oh so true.

ditto, ditto, ditto, use and discard. It's possible that she is so hurt too she cannot even muster up any normal, friendly emotions. But whatever, that seems to be how many of them are.

[GustheDog]

It's not that they are cowardly, it's that if you don't benefit them in any way, then you don't exist.

Well, my most recent exBPDgf and an exBPD from years ago are both tremendous cowards.  Sure, it's not that they choose not to take the honorable route - they're incapable of doing so.

Regardless, such behaviors are encompassed within "coward," at least with respect to my personal application of the term.  (E.g., "cowardice, n., lack of courage to face danger, difficulty, opposition, pain, etc."

[SarahinMA]

It's not that they are cowardly, it's that if you don't benefit them in any way, then you don't exist.

Well, my most recent exBPDgf and an exBPD from years ago are both tremendous cowards.  Sure, it's not that they choose not to take the honorable route - they're incapable of doing so.

Regardless, such behaviors are encompassed within "coward," at least with respect to my personal application of the term.  (E.g., "cowardice, n., lack of courage to face danger, difficulty, opposition, pain, etc."

Agreed.  My ex is probably the biggest coward I've ever met.  He possibly felt some sort of guilt for hurting me and instead of owning up to his own part in the demise of our relationship, he blamed me.  He's seen me multiple times since we broke up and avoids any contact with me.  He'll stare every so often, but is too scared to say anything.  He lets people walk all over him and then talks behind their backs.  He's a definite coward. 

[jonnyz]

I WISH I had an answer for you. Guess I am replying because I don't get it either.

Have yet to see my exBPD (whew).

Just know, this is the place to get understanding and compassion. Like minded thoughts and hopefully, move on sooner than later.

Stay strong.

   I got her talk and acknowledge my existence,  Then another day she still sometime tries to not look at me and kind of hide. Does answer question now. Before she would not acknowledge question either. some progress.  thanks and staying strong.

[jonnyz]

This is how they function.  Cold, emotionless, btchy.  I've been preaching this over and over here   This is part of the illness.

Every relationship I've had with those considered "normal" have not ended this way.  They are willing to give you time and talk things over.  My brother explained to me that he and his ex-girlfriend of 4 years took nearly 3 weeks to separate, talking each other through it, sorting out differences, emailing each other, trying to understand each other.

BPD's don't except responsibility for these things.  It's not that they are cowardly, it's that if you don't benefit them in any way, then you don't exist.

It's a constant struggle for me, and like SarahinMA said, I want to grab my ex-wife and say the same thing!  It's just psychotic.   

 

She did not talk anything over. Just done!

[jonnyz]

Oh yeah, I know this all too well.  There were so many times after he broke up with me where he would look right at me and pretend like he didn't know me... .   walk right by me and not say anything. If I tried to initiate conversation, he would look extremely uncomfortable and give me one-word answers. It was so painful and shocking.  Now, I'm just used to it.  I'm not sure if I'm still painted black in his eyes and therefore he's just giving me the cold shoulder OR he's so deep in his protective bubble of denial that he honestly does view me as a stranger. 

I used to want to shake him and yell "We dated for two years!  I've met your family! I've seen you naked!"      Now, it's almost humorous. 

  Funny my ex seems to not remember being with me either for 5 months.

[jonnyz]

I haven't existed for six months.  She conscripted her 72-year-old father to ask me to leave her alone because she is too much of a coward to clean up her own messes.  

And one of the last things she said to me via email was that she didn't care if I was having a hard time with the breakup - that was something I needed to deal with myself - and also that she's had to put up with MY "crazy ___" and that she "never did anything to cause me any trouble."

If I had enough money in the bank to feed myself for the next 50 years, I'd probably self-lobotomize rather than process this crap.

My ex's father is 72 going on 73. MMM?

[DeltaAlpha]

I had a similar experience. My BPDexgf will not even face me now. If we meet each other on a sidewalk or hallway, she quickly turns away like she cant even tolerate looking in my direction. In a word, . .  unbelievable!

The best answer I can offer is that it is a BPD's way of getting over you/me. Its a way of burying their head in the sand, hoping the memories will disappear quickly. Perhaps subconsciously, its a survival mechanism against hurt, guilt and other things? They cannot easily admit fault, guilt, or wrongdoing.

When I was idealized, she told everyone about us. Now that I am an "evil" person, I must be quickly shoved off of the planet that she lives on     WTH?

Coincidentally, most if not all of our pictures (not to mention her ex before me) has been rapidly disappearing from search engines also.

If one is not reminded of their mistake, then it didnt happen right? 

I put a similar post:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=199397.0

or

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=199397.0

[leftbehind]

The best answer I can offer is that it is a BPD's way of getting over you/me. Its a way of burying their head in the sand, hoping the memories will disappear quickly. Perhaps subconsciously, its a survival mechanism against hurt, guilt and other things? They cannot easily admit fault, guilt, or wrongdoing.

When I was idealized, she told everyone about us. Now that I am an "evil" person, I must be quickly shoved off of the planet that she lives on 

This is exactly how my ex treats me.  But I made it easy for him because I quit the two free lancing gigs where we both worked (even though I worked there first).  I just cannot handle it. 

And yes, the word coward has kept coming to my mind in the last two weeks.  In my opinion, avoiding confrontation with the people you hurt at all costs is cowardly.

[maciej]

I just went thru this same exact thing! Me and my ex were together almost 2yrs with several break ups only for him to beg for me back every time promising me that he had changed. He would be great for a few weeks and then go right back to lying and not communicating. This last time (about a month ago) he told me how much he still loved me, wanted me back, how I was the only one for him, how he would never be able to move on because he loved me so much and if I ever needed anything he would always be there for me, blah blah blah. I hadn't heard from him in a few weeks which was quite odd for him since he always liked to play the back and forth game where one day I was the love of his life and the best thing that ever happend to him to the next day he was ignoring me and acting like I was simply an annoyance and a pain in his rear. I have been absolutely miserable and haven't felt like doing much but my friends talked me into going out last week to a place that I used to really enjoy going to and went to weekly but then stopped when we started dating because he told me "that wasn't his type of crowd" so I decided to stop going since he wouldn't go with me and I wanted to spend my time with him. I made that sacrifice for our relationship because he was worth more to me and I wanted things to work. I thought I would be safe since he was supposed to have his kids that evening so I decided to go and was in a fairly good mood about getting out and trying to relax with friends and get my mind off things. We get there and take one guess who was there, at the place I have been going to for years which he refused to go to with me when we were together. Not only was I in total shock after not seeing him in almost a month but he had the nerve to bring his new girlfriend with him! Who does that? Clearly he didn't mean a word he said to me and I'm sure now he is feeding her the same bullcrap lines he fed me. To make matters worse he walked right by me so I said "what, you can't even say hi?" and he acted like he didn't even hear me or know who the hell I was. I think that's the thing that hurt me the most. Then of course when he decided to leave after hours of torture (which I could have left but I refused to let him see that it bothered me and let him run me away from my territory) he proceeded to kiss her right in front of me and then walk out holding her hand. Needless to say I was beside myself, I didn't even know what to do. I have never felt that hurt, disrespected and betrayed! I guess seeing them together and seeing him for the person he really is is good for me in the long run somehow but it hurts like hell.

[jonnyz]

I had a similar experience. My BPDexgf will not even face me now. If we meet each other on a sidewalk or hallway, she quickly turns away like she cant even tolerate looking in my direction. In a word, . .  unbelievable!

The best answer I can offer is that it is a BPD's way of getting over you/me. Its a way of burying their head in the sand, hoping the memories will disappear quickly. Perhaps subconsciously, its a survival mechanism against hurt, guilt and other things? They cannot easily admit fault, guilt, or wrongdoing.

When I was idealized, she told everyone about us. Now that I am an "evil" person, I must be quickly shoved off of the planet that she lives on     WTH?

Coincidentally, most if not all of our pictures (not to mention her ex before me) has been rapidly disappearing from search engines also.

If one is not reminded of their mistake, then it didnt happen right? 

I put a similar post:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=199397.0

or

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=199397.0

I hear you.  I did stop at a garage sal eshe was having. I was just going to buy a nice basketball and leave ,but she decide to acknowledge me and treatment like I existed. she came near me and talk to me.   I stop a second day of her sale and she was even better to me.  I finally got to leave her the way I wanted with big hug.  I finally got the say good bye the way I wanted to end thing with a hug.

[jonnyz]

I just went thru this same exact thing! Me and my ex were together almost 2yrs with several break ups only for him to beg for me back every time promising me that he had changed. He would be great for a few weeks and then go right back to lying and not communicating. This last time (about a month ago) he told me how much he still loved me, wanted me back, how I was the only one for him, how he would never be able to move on because he loved me so much and if I ever needed anything he would always be there for me, blah blah blah. I hadn't heard from him in a few weeks which was quite odd for him since he always liked to play the back and forth game where one day I was the love of his life and the best thing that ever happend to him to the next day he was ignoring me and acting like I was simply an annoyance and a pain in his rear. I have been absolutely miserable and haven't felt like doing much but my friends talked me into going out last week to a place that I used to really enjoy going to and went to weekly but then stopped when we started dating because he told me "that wasn't his type of crowd" so I decided to stop going since he wouldn't go with me and I wanted to spend my time with him. I made that sacrifice for our relationship because he was worth more to me and I wanted things to work. I thought I would be safe since he was supposed to have his kids that evening so I decided to go and was in a fairly good mood about getting out and trying to relax with friends and get my mind off things. We get there and take one guess who was there, at the place I have been going to for years which he refused to go to with me when we were together. Not only was I in total shock after not seeing him in almost a month but he had the nerve to bring his new girlfriend with him! Who does that? Clearly he didn't mean a word he said to me and I'm sure now he is feeding her the same bullcrap lines he fed me. To make matters worse he walked right by me so I said "what, you can't even say hi?" and he acted like he didn't even hear me or know who the hell I was. I think that's the thing that hurt me the most. Then of course when he decided to leave after hours of torture (which I could have left but I refused to let him see that it bothered me and let him run me away from my territory) he proceeded to kiss her right in front of me and then walk out holding her hand. Needless to say I was beside myself, I didn't even know what to do. I have never felt that hurt, disrespected and betrayed! I guess seeing them together and seeing him for the person he really is is good for me in the long run somehow but it hurts like hell.

  WOW!  My ex BPD and me were together in high school for almost two years, till she broke up to go Australia  on exchange program. That was 25 years ago.  She did not have BPD then.   FF to May 2012 she at my door.  Sep thing start to go south in relationship. By NOv painted black for reason I can't image.   

  she did finally acknowledge and engage when I stop to her yard sale  couple weeks ago.  I was able to end thing with a big hug.  The way I waned leave.   anyway I'm more than sure I will not be seeing her or getting back together.   I will laugh at the other man she is with. They have no idea what they are in for.  Although she never stalk me. She was stalk ex's in the pass and done damage to their stuff.  One of her ex's she damage his truck and house. That got her two count felony conviction.  I'm lucky.  Would on yourself and enjoy your life. Remember even when BPD's look like there having fun they are not happy people.   take care.

[Rose Tiger]

It might be they have built us up as such meanies, that they are actually scared when they see us.  Add in the emotional immaturity of not knowing how to converse in a normal fashion.  Imagine being a little kid and seeing a person that makes you feel scared.  What do little kids do when they see the 'boogie man'?  They run.

[jonnyz]

I had a similar experience. My BPDexgf will not even face me now. If we meet each other on a sidewalk or hallway, she quickly turns away like she cant even tolerate looking in my direction. In a word, . .  unbelievable!

The best answer I can offer is that it is a BPD's way of getting over you/me. Its a way of burying their head in the sand, hoping the memories will disappear quickly. Perhaps subconsciously, its a survival mechanism against hurt, guilt and other things? They cannot easily admit fault, guilt, or wrongdoing.

When I was idealized, she told everyone about us. Now that I am an "evil" person, I must be quickly shoved off of the planet that she lives on     WTH?

Coincidentally, most if not all of our pictures (not to mention her ex before me) has been rapidly disappearing from search engines also.

If one is not reminded of their mistake, then it didnt happen right? 

I put a similar post:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=199397.0

or

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=199397.0

   My ex did thing where she  hides behind the counter at the gas station and won't look at me.   I don't why she did that cause I was always good to her.     I did get her to acknowledge me a couple of weeks ago at  yard sale she was having and the second day of her sale she was better to me. maybe cause I bought hit.   I hug her that day. She don't know it, but that was my big goodbye to her.  I finally go to go the way I wanted.   I laugh like hell at her new man. He has no idea what a crazy person she is. LOL!

[jonnyz]

It might be they have built us up as such meanies, that they are actually scared when they see us.  Add in the emotional immaturity of not knowing how to converse in a normal fashion.  Imagine being a little kid and seeing a person that makes you feel scared.  What do little kids do when they see the 'boogie man'?  They run.

   You may be on to something there.  When she ask for 14 days off from our relationship. She said I was scaring her,which I did not understand cause  I was really good to her and for her-daughter own words. I never yelled or fought with her. Never physically done anything to her other than love and hug her. crazy!

[Rose Tiger]

There are posters on the site that have received restraining orders from a BPD ex.  When they did nothing threatening whatsoever.  Can you imagine being so disordered that you cope by turning other people into bad guys?  That is seriously disordered, very unhealthy.

[recoil]

I have the exact opposite problem.

Mine smiles at me in the halls - waves to me emphatically when we pass each other dropping our kids off at school.  It has gotten to the point I am becoming angry.  You have a replacement for me, leave me alone.  [To be fair, I have replaced her as well but I'm not 100% detached.]  However, I leave her alone.  Do me the same courtesy!

I wish she would treat me like I don't exist.  It would make things easier for me.  Then again, they somehow know exactly what to do to make it harder for us. 

[jonnyz]

There are posters on the site that have received restraining orders from a BPD ex.  When they did nothing threatening whatsoever.  Can you imagine being so disordered that you cope by turning other people into bad guys?  That is seriously disordered, very unhealthy.

  Yea, That sucks! 

[jonnyz]

I have the exact opposite problem.

Mine smiles at me in the halls - waves to me emphatically when we pass each other dropping our kids off at school.  It has gotten to the point I am becoming angry.  You have a replacement for me, leave me alone.  [To be fair, I have replaced her as well but I'm not 100% detached.]  However, I leave her alone.  Do me the same courtesy!

I wish she would treat me like I don't exist.  It would make things easier for me.  Then again, they somehow know exactly what to do to make it harder for us. 

That  is insane dude. feel for you.

[jonnyz]

I WISH I had an answer for you. Guess I am replying because I don't get it either.

Have yet to see my exBPD (whew).

Just know, this is the place to get understanding and compassion. Like minded thoughts and hopefully, move on sooner than later.

Stay strong.

thank you.