Suicide attempt

[Parents! Get help here!]

I am not sure where to start... .  There has been tension with my dd15 during the spring break... .  a lot of raging and she spent a lot of it sleeping even though the temps where in the 80's... .  and I heated the pool

Last night I took her to her group therapy... .  before she went in I asked for her phone... .  last session she was busy posting photos to her instagram instead of participating in group... .  her therapist and I agreed that her phone should be limited and my dd also agreed that she would limit her phone use after the break and focus on school since she failed three of her subjects... .  my dd didn't want to give up her phone and there started the meltdown... .  she got out of the car and told me she was walking home... .  she left and I called my husband for advise... .  she eventually came back and gave me her phone and went into group... .  

I waited after to talk with her therapist and expressed my concern that dd had been making threats to hurt herself and that she had showed me she had been cutting again... .  I asked her therapist to be available to dd that night in case she needed to talk and her therapist agreed but she told me to take her to the ER if she was in danger...

She rages at me the whole way home... .  verbal abuse... .  when we get home I let her out but I don't go in... .  I went shopping to get a way from her and try to defuse the situation... .  my husband was home and he could take a shift on the crazy train... .  I came home later and not soon after she came to me again trying to get her phone back ... .  I tried to talk with her but she once again started raging at me so I went to my other daughter room and lock myself inside... .  

my husband keeps an eye on her for the night and I go to say goodnight I ask if she is okay... .  she is laying on her bed and says yes... .  

the next morning we are on our way to school... .  she once again start asking for her phone and trying to discuss last night... .  I tell her we will talk after school and that there is not enough time to discuss now... .  she is not happy and she starts raging again and telling me how she took a whole bottle of aleve Friday night before and that last night she took a whole bunch of tylenol and that she doesn't know why she is even alive... .  she told me she cuts because of me and on and on... .  I say I will need to take her to the hospital but she refuses and gets out of the car... .  

I call the crisis intervention police and they advise me to call 911... .  I call and police are dispatched to the school and she is removed from class... .  they ask her a bunch of questions but she is grunting I don't know to all of them... .  they are going to call Ems and I say I would rather not have a big scene here at the school and that I will transport her to the ER which is only a couple of blocks away... .  

so I have been at the ER all day... .  I have just come home for a few hours to rest then I am going back for the night... .  there are no beds available at the hospital so we are in limbo waiting... .  I have no idea when a bed will open up... .  seems like spring break has a lot of kids in crisis... .  

so I am hoping tomorrow there will be a bed... .  then I am hoping I can get her to a RTC... .  but it will depend on the hospital... .  I am completely exhausted right now and the thought of sleeping at the hospital tonight is not something i am looking forward to... .  I will update later when I have a better idea... .  I have tried very hard to keep her home but she doesn't seem to want to try... .  has really given up on everything... .  it is hard to watch... .  and I am worried about her and what will happen to her... .  

So that is the plan... .  ER to Hospital to RTC... .  or they might suggest an out patient place... .  a place she goes during the day... .  I feel like I am at the mercy of my insurance company and the doctors... .  

[jellibeans]

I am not sure where to start... .  There has been tension with my dd15 during the spring break... .  a lot of raging and she spent a lot of it sleeping even though the temps where in the 80's... .  and I heated the pool

Last night I took her to her group therapy... .  before she went in I asked for her phone... .  last session she was busy posting photos to her instagram instead of participating in group... .  her therapist and I agreed that her phone should be limited and my dd also agreed that she would limit her phone use after the break and focus on school since she failed three of her subjects... .  my dd didn't want to give up her phone and there started the meltdown... .  she got out of the car and told me she was walking home... .  she left and I called my husband for advise... .  she eventually came back and gave me her phone and went into group... .  

I waited after to talk with her therapist and expressed my concern that dd had been making threats to hurt herself and that she had showed me she had been cutting again... .  I asked her therapist to be available to dd that night in case she needed to talk and her therapist agreed but she told me to take her to the ER if she was in danger...

She rages at me the whole way home... .  verbal abuse... .  when we get home I let her out but I don't go in... .  I went shopping to get a way from her and try to defuse the situation... .  my husband was home and he could take a shift on the crazy train... .  I came home later and not soon after she came to me again trying to get her phone back ... .  I tried to talk with her but she once again started raging at me so I went to my other daughter room and lock myself inside... .  

my husband keeps an eye on her for the night and I go to say goodnight I ask if she is okay... .  she is laying on her bed and says yes... .  

the next morning we are on our way to school... .  she once again start asking for her phone and trying to discuss last night... .  I tell her we will talk after school and that there is not enough time to discuss now... .  she is not happy and she starts raging again and telling me how she took a whole bottle of aleve Friday night before and that last night she took a whole bunch of tylenol and that she doesn't know why she is even alive... .  she told me she cuts because of me and on and on... .  I say I will need to take her to the hospital but she refuses and gets out of the car... .  

I call the crisis intervention police and they advise me to call 911... .  I call and police are dispatched to the school and she is removed from class... .  they ask her a bunch of questions but she is grunting I don't know to all of them... .  they are going to call Ems and I say I would rather not have a big scene here at the school and that I will transport her to the ER which is only a couple of blocks away... .  

so I have been at the ER all day... .  I have just come home for a few hours to rest then I am going back for the night... .  there are no beds available at the hospital so we are in limbo waiting... .  I have no idea when a bed will open up... .  seems like spring break has a lot of kids in crisis... .  

so I am hoping tomorrow there will be a bed... .  then I am hoping I can get her to a RTC... .  but it will depend on the hospital... .  I am completely exhausted right now and the thought of sleeping at the hospital tonight is not something i am looking forward to... .  I will update later when I have a better idea... .  I have tried very hard to keep her home but she doesn't seem to want to try... .  has really given up on everything... .  it is hard to watch... .  and I am worried about her and what will happen to her... .  

So that is the plan... .  ER to Hospital to RTC... .  or they might suggest an out patient place... .  a place she goes during the day... .  I feel like I am at the mercy of my insurance company and the doctors... .  

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[mggt]

Dear jellibeans,  So sorry to hear about your daughter i know its going to be a long night at the hospital.  My d had also done that many times claims she took pills and we would rush her to the hospital .  Try and thank god that she told you and now you can get her some help maybe faster who knows wish i could help you more try and take it easy and at least she is safe for tonite take care

[jellibeans]

well here is the funny part... .  they tested her and found no drugs in her system... .  when she took an over dose at Christmas they told me the same thing... .  no drugs... .  so why is she telling me she took drugs. She certainly cut up her arm pretty good. My frustration is waiting for a bed... .  and for help

[mggt]

jellibeans.  do they have a physc at hospital when we would take our d to er because of suicide  attempts they would have a p come down and talk to her and us. 

Alot of times that is how we got her into  physc hospitals for at least 2 weeks.  She has been in p hospitals 7 times we finally got dept of mental health involved and we got her into a res tret ctr for 1 year .    we lucked out as there was a 2 year waiting  period but somehow we got her in  there it was all dbt run.  Honestly it really did no good except keep her safe and that was our main concern at the time.  DBT the patient has  to want help as with our d she did not use or apply skills.  You could try telling the social worker or therapy person at hospital that you do not feel comfortable with her coming home due to illness and lying about taking pills.  Our d also has had many dbt therapist since she has gotten out of rtc at age 17 now almost 21 and did not help Im still trying to find a good therapist to meet her needs although she wont even talk to me about a new therapist the one she sees off and on just placates her believe everything she says it is doing more harm than good.  take care and good luck

[vivekananda]

How worrying it all is. You must be exhausted. ... .  and probably frustrated with the system. I do hope it works out and your dd gets a result that will be helpful to her.

Sometimes it seems that the drs etc are caught trying to match the best placement available with the patient, instead of understanding the needs of the person and finding how best to meet those needs. And we have to work with what we have available to us... .  I hope you are able to stay clearheaded with it all so that you can be the best advocate for your dd.

I was thinking, regarding taking the mobile away, I can understand her distraught state of mind. I believe it is a good thing to do, but the effect on her would have been devastating. To lose a constant companion that connects you with the world would have felt like she was cut off from life. Mobile usage is, I think, addictive. In my mind it would be like a heroin or nicotine addiction and when it is no longer there, the person panics because their crutch has gone. For a teenager, this would be so overwhelming, to lose ease of access to her mobile. It is no wonder that she was thrown out of kilter. In a way all this would make it all the more important that you 'manage' her mobile use.

stay strong,

Vivek      

[BioAdoptMom3]

I am so sorry about what you are going through!  As a mom of a 13 y/o DD with disorder my heart goes out to you!  Two weeks ago DD had her first admission, five days, to a behavioral center for bulimia and anorexia (she also cuts but they were especially worried about the bulimia).  She told the psych while she was there that she tried to kill herself at home 5 times, twice by drowning and 3x by hanging, though there was never any evidence of any of that around here, and someone else is home most of the time that she wasn't in school.  She is also very busy as she often has after school band and chorus practice, she takes voice lessons and plays softball.  She also told him she was using marijuana.  Interestingly she has had four drug screens when she has had lab work and not one has come back positive for anything.  This is something I totally don't understand, but I guess it's just attention seeking behavior.  I am not trying to turn your post into mine, but wanted you to know that you are not alone with a child who says things like this which turn out to likely be untrue.  ((HUGS)) and prayers for you and your DD.  Please keep us updated.

[jellibeans]

I am going back to the hospital now... .  I will update later... .  BioAdopt... .  you remind me that I really can't believe much of what my dd says... .  i forgot what a good lair she is... .  

Vivek ... .  I don't think she was distraught over the phone being taken away... .  this meltdown was coming all week... .  it was a train that I couldn't stop... .  I tried... .  things have not been going well for her... .  when things don't go well she looks to blame someone... .  I am the one that gets the blame.

I will see what tomorrow brings and hope she gets into the p hospital... .  she is demanding I bring her pillow and special cup... .  I am bringing nothing... .  she seems to think she is at a resort of some kind... .  I think it is time she feel the full weight of what she has done... .  in the hospital you don't get chick-fil-a and special pillows... .  she needs to realize that what she has at home is pretty good. I feel I have done everything for my dd... .  I have bent over backwards... .  read every book and tried to change how I interact with her... .  taken classes... .  and for what... .  if she doesn't want to get better she won't!

[vivekananda]

aah sweet jellibeans. I see it.

You have a challenging time to go through. Let us know how it goes, ok? We are here just for you.

I wish you strength (which I know you have - but more doesn't go astray),

lots of love too,

Vivek    

[nomoreoptions]

I too have spent so many hours in the er, and had a very clever child convince a staff at one of the "best" hospitals that I was horribly abusive.  I feel your pain, and I hope that you and yours receive some relief.

[Being Mindful]

I lost count of how many drug screens were done on my d. All were negative despite the fact that she claimed that she was using drugs. When we placed her in RT, for 3-4 months she claimed she was in the wrong place because she needed a drug treatment program.

Being Mindful

[Mandii]

jellibeans I feel your pain and send you love and hugs... .  I hope you get the help for your daughter you are looking for at the hospital.

I see you say that you are the person always blamed... .  I know what you mean, and that can sometimes be one of the toughest things of all.

 for you xxxxx

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Dear jellibeans,

I hope that the night went well and you were able to relax a bit knowing that you have a support system surrounding your d right now.

What has happened regarding finding a bed in the psych hospital?

What are you hoping will be accomplished by a stay in the psych hospital?


Let us know how we can help support you.

 

lbj

[jellibeans]

Lbj

I honesty don't know what I am doing. We are still in ER. Waiting for bed to open up. Once we get into p hospital I am hoping they will recommend rtc and I can get her into merridel. If they don't recommend that I don't know what to do. I would feel better if dd stays in Texas but I am still considering an outside place.  I am tired today and not probably thinking right. My older d has a nurse coming to the house at 2 to give her IV fluids so I will go home for a few hours

It is my hope that p hospital will guide us on what steps to take.  I am not sure any of this is right and I feel pretty alone on this site now that my name was changed. It really is all to depressing. 

[BioAdoptMom3]

Anymore updates since you went home for awhile?  I pray that she is admitted to wherever it is she needs to be, and that you get the rest that you desperately need!          

[lbjnltx]

Thanks for updating us jellibeans,

I know it is hard... .  not knowing what to do.  

The pdoc at the psych hospital may or may not make a recommendation for RTC.  Ultimately it is up to you and your family to make that decision.  Does your d already have  pdoc?  Does he recommend RTC for her? I understand that insurance would want her pdoc to make a formal recommendation to fund the an RTC stay.

This is just my experience with the psych hospital:

Pdoc put d on meds

Psych testing

Both of these things could have been accomplished outpatient and saved myself $18,000.  It's water under the bridge now.

Is the ER requesting she go to the psych hospital?  What is their reasoning?  Is she still a threat to self or others?

Take time to breathe, eat, rest.  These are big decisions that need to be made during times of calm reason.

 

lbj

[Cici]

Just a quick FYI about funding the RTC, if she has an IEP and the hospital discharge papers states she needs an RTC (our discharge papers specified FRR0 then the school has a very hard time not funding the school portion of the program.  Our district is funding $125 a day at FRR.  It's a huge relief.  If she doesn 't have an IEP you may want to request an IEP evaluation based on her behavioral health issues, therefore her diagnosis may require her to have an IEP and then down the road may help fund out of district placement.  IEP's are not only for children that have a learning disability because they are "slow learners" etc. but for children that need accomodations in order to learn. 

You have much on your plate now and this IEP business is not your first priority, but I was very surprised when I found out we could get funding and luckily I had just had her classified the beginning of the year and her IEP was in place.

Take care, I hope you can get some rest.   

[vivekananda]

sweet jellibeans,

You have some excellent feedback here. I just wanted to stick my nose in about your name change 

I think it is a good name, how else would I have dared to call you 'sweet'   it just tripped off my tongue when I noticed the change. The scallop is the sign of the pilgrim, the one who undertakes a journey to seek enlightenment. I think it is so appropriate. I like it very much.

Last year I felt I needed to change my avatar. It was a 'sad' decision, but a good one. It's amazing how we hold to such things to identify us. But we change and change is good.

I love jellibeans   

Vivek    

[jellibeans]

Dear Vivek ... .  thank you... .  your note brought tears to my eyes... .  I have never felt so alone when I had to change my name

I have just got home from finally getting dd15 into the p hospital... .  the two days was very hard on me and very hard on dd... .  I go back tomorrow for a meeting with Doc and then I hope some help and guidance... .  

CICI... .  my dd is on a 504 but I will check on this tomorrow and see how I obtain a IEP... .  

I will update tomorrow once I can get some rest... .  she is in the hospital and I hope this will lead to a plan going forward... .  my heart is hurting tonight and I feel I have let my dd down... .  that is hard to take in and my h is not the most supportive. My welcome home has been less than helpful. He is just speaking so badly about dd and how she has thrown away her school year and all the money we spent on private school... .  and on and on... .  he is just blind to her illness... .  and I am tired of trying to educate him... .  

thank you everyone for your kind words... .  and support... .  tomorrow will be a better day

[vivekananda]

I hope you have had a good night's sleep, you should be sound asleep as I write this. I am Cheers, your dd and your dh as you sleep. Always there is someone watching over you.

Be gentle to yourself. Be kind to your dh - he is just responding to feeling helpless isn't he? He is the 'provider', the one who expects to solve the problems, and he can't. Be the strong advocate for your dd.

Tread gently but firmly in your world. Each day is a new opportunity.

best wishes,

Vivek    

[griz]

jellibeans:  I hope today is a brighter day for you. I know your heart is hurting right now and there is not much I can do to heal that except send you my hugs and prayers and you are on my mind all the time.  You h is probably hurting as well.  I don;'t think they really get it the way we do and they express their emotions in anger rather than sadness.

Please update on how things are going and know that we are here for you.

Griz

[Cici]

You and your dd have been on my mind today, I am saying a quiet prayer for you and the strength you must have to persevere through this and peace for your daughter.  She doesn't know it but she's lucky to have such a smart strong woman behind her she gets to call Mom.

 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[broken3]

Scallop,

I probably will get a lashing from some other parents here for my opinions. But my opinions are based upon 3 years worth of experience with a 16yo daughter who is diagnosed bi-polar with BPD traits.

Alot of their world is based upor relationships culminated from media. I.E. facebook, skype, phone etc. Not to mention that %50 of the kids in their schools are always TALKING about suicide depression, cutting. It is almost an epidemic and is almost the norm.

If you very slowly take steps tpo remove their drama from such outlets and shift them into areas they can actually get some type of experience achievements and accomplishments. They start to feel pretty good about themselves.

  For instance. remove the OS to the computer. I cant afford a new computer.

Put data plan on a very small block on cell phone. So no more facebook, and hundreds of texts. It costs $15.00 per month.

Search and search for what your child likes and look for the signs of how it makes them feel when they accomplish something.

That may not be easy as it sounds. Whether it be drawing, working on a car, doing peoples fingernails, playing a guitar etc.

The trick is to find the one thing that makes them grow and focus their energy into that. Put everything you have into what you find works. It will be alot more cost effective for you to buy A complete proffesional nail kit from ebay. And call upon every friend and relative you have for a $5.00 manicure (even if you give the "client" the $5.00 from your own pocket) to give to your daughter. It still is alot cheaper than going to ER or prescriptions or gas etc.

  And the benefits for her will show ten fold.

That is not to say some meds don't work. My daughter is currently on small dose of abilify for mood stabilization. And Adderall xr for adhd.

I also have removed her from her current public school. And now have her in a special program in a different district where there is a therapist and teacher in the classroom. And the class size is much smaller. She was failing almost everything. Now A's, B's and one c.

I have primary custody and am a very mild mannered person. My BPD wife was the opposite. She would scream, yell, and punish as a way of dealing with my daughter. She would also always bring her into the short stay hospital programs which just temporarily isolated my daughter from the problem.

By nurturing and fostering them as teenagers and children and giving them a way to feel great about themselves. And not letting every doctor who comes along attempt to experiment with different drugs on them which further makes them feel like they have a problem, or validates that there is something wrong with them. You have accomplished the "impossible".

  There may be episodes. My reaction is to talk with her for a few hours very calmly. Get something to eat. Never raise your voice. And usually in a few hours it subsides and she is happy again.

I am just giving my experience as I have seen the results from my approach.

I wasted over two years with a dozen doctors. And around a dozen types of pills.

[jellibeans]

broken3... .  you have a very similar story to most here... .  and I do think you have the right approach. I have been encouraging my daughters drawing and I think she takes pride it what she creates. Unfortunately I can't not help her with her suicide attempts... .  this was her 6th one in 7 months. We are moving forward with RTC and hope she can get some intense therapy and a plan going forward. My family have done a lot... .  read a lot of books ... .  attended classes and tried to approach her in a different way but we are in the same place we were 7 months ago.

LBJ is right... .  there does come a time when you say I have tried everything I know to help her but it is not enough... .  choosing to let go and get her the help she needs is not giving up on her... .  I think it is just needed when your child is stuck in a set of behaviors she can't seem to over come... .  if she could she would so the best thing we can do is to find the help she needs. It might be the light going on for her that she needs to see the way through the difficult time of being a teen... .  

My DD15 is at the P hospital and I have had a meeting with her doctor and the social worker... .  they both agree that she is in need of more intense therapy and RTC... .  we are now looking into that and hope there is an open bed for her. We removed DD for public school in September and placed her in a small Christian school hoping that would be less stressful but it has not helped... .  she continues to struggle and we can't keep her safe anymore. I think the RTC will be the first step... .  she will probably need a different school environment going forward but right now I am just taking it a day at a time.

I can't write too much today... .  I need to research more online and make some phone calls but I wanted to thank everyone again for your support and help... .  all your advise and kind words have meant a great deal to me... .  i really can't thank you all enough... .  everytime a read a post I see my dd and I know that we are not alone in our struggles... .  that has a strange way of comforting me as well... .  

[broken3]

jellibeans,

I feel your pain. Some of us have been there and it is extremely difficult and tiring. Emotionally draining, and especially confusing.

My daughter went through cutting, bulemia, dying her hair (she was called ginger as she has beautiful auburn hair) depression and the suicidal attempts.

  Please dont give up.

My ex was an art major and pushed my daughter to draw. Yes, my daughter did draw. But she lacked the fullfillment in seeing her accomplishment. That is why I said it would be a very hard task to find something which is the right fit to make herself feel better.

  Something they truly love to do. Something that fulfills them.

God bless.

[Being Mindful]

Not an important question given the circumstances but why the name change?

[jellibeans]

My dd15 stalks me... .  she tries to get on my phone to check my texts and emails... .  she tries to get on my computer as well... .  I have a laptop I let her use but I delete all email and my history for this site and any websites... .  recently she started telingl me she knew about this site and she started threatening me... .  I just didn't feel like I could post safely... .  she claimed she could read them but I think that was a lie... .  

She will also listen in on my phone conversations... .  I really feel like I have to watch everything I do... .  

[Cici]

   

FRIEND, I send you love.  You are in some of the hardest moments... You are not alone.  I am here. always.

     

[Cici]

I was looking for an update tonight, just want you to know you are being thought of, love sending to you during this challenging time.

     

[vivekananda]

and when you sleep am here, sending you love and comfort, you are not alone.

Viv     

[jellibeans]

thank you again for your kind words... .  Vivek ... .  CICI... .  your kindness is overwhelming

I am just waiting now to see if insurance approves placement at Merridell... .  I am sad today. I walk by her bed room and I feel like there has been a death in our family... .  she did not want to see me yesterday so I didn't get to talk with her. That is okay... .  we probably needed the break from each other... .  the wait in the ER was painful. But I miss her and I wonder if she will ever come back home again.

I did find out that she had stopped taking her meds leading up to the suicide attempts... .  very sneaky... .  I would give them to her and watch her take them but I guess she was able to split them out after I left.

I did ask the doctor about not finding drugs in her system and they did find tylenol so she did try but just not the amount she told us whish is good.

well today I will get the grocery shopping done and straighten up my house... .  just keep busy so I don't feel so lost... .  she was my full time job and now I am going to redirect my energies so I don't lose my mind.

thanks for checking on me... .  I am okay just sad. I will try to think of better days ahead for my dd and all the good that is yet to come for her.