I get so depressed now thinking about how I chose her knowing it was wrong.

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I get so depressed now thinking about how I chose her knowing it was wrong. I think how I was so easy that this first woman that seemed like would give me all the things that I thought a woman could give me just never even met me. We just got married had 4 kids and stayed together 4 years and when she divorced me everything she said about me was not true because she didn't know who I was so whatever I had ever tried to do was skewed to say I did all this damage ( that didn't even happen ) to her and my kids. She gets the kids and the house a car half my stuff and continued income from me ( actually most because I couldn't afford the space to keep it all ) and she gave most of that away.

Then she can't hold a job and when I see my kids they say that they only eat Ramien or pizza ( and often the teenagers buy their own pizza ) and she takes their money.

How can the law allow this

[Not2Crazy]

I get so depressed now thinking about how I chose her knowing it was wrong. I think how I was so easy that this first woman that seemed like would give me all the things that I thought a woman could give me just never even met me. We just got married had 4 kids and stayed together 4 years and when she divorced me everything she said about me was not true because she didn't know who I was so whatever I had ever tried to do was skewed to say I did all this damage ( that didn't even happen ) to her and my kids. She gets the kids and the house a car half my stuff and continued income from me ( actually most because I couldn't afford the space to keep it all ) and she gave most of that away.

Then she can't hold a job and when I see my kids they say that they only eat Ramien or pizza ( and often the teenagers buy their own pizza ) and she takes their money.

How can the law allow this

[Rose Tiger]

It is unfortunate with child support, you have no say in how it is spent.  It must be very difficult to hear from your kids that they aren't eating well.   :'(

When I'm feeling like, why me, why did I have to meet him?  Why couldn't I have met a nice loving person?  Well, for some reason, I wasn't interested in the nice loving person.  Something in me was attracted to the BPD type of person.  I wasn't so much a victim as I was a willing participant. 

Learning about BPD helped me to start looking at my own stuff and working on my healing.  This sort of work might be helpful to you and in the long run, to your kids, too.