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mitchell16
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« on: March 20, 2013, 08:40:16 AM » |
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I guess today is my day of looking back and wonder how I got here. Im not sure but it was a like a perfect storm. a combination of alot of diffrent factors that came togther with perfect time is all I can think of. When I met my exBPDgf, I was recovering from a deadly illness that I had battle for a number of years, I was going through a divorce and was starting a new job. when I met her I was instatley attarcted to her. but I remember my gut was telling me something ws wrong with that picture. But I ignored it. Im mean she was gorgeous, great personality, well eductated and a professional. I attempted to get to know her and she was very into me. and we started. It took off at warped speed. I remeber the words she used during the idoling phase. I was what she prayed for, she thought she would never love like this again, I was her best friends, we had a soul connection, I could almost read her thoughts and that I what she wanted in a man, I was the best thing she had ever found. I guess my self esteem had taken a hit after my divorce and also going thru my sickness. I mean in my mind she was the perfect person and she wanted me. I have never had trouble in my life getting women and I had never had a problem walking away from problem relationships. I had walked away before and never looked back. But this one sunk its teeth in me and I couldnt turn loose. I remebr the first blow up and I think that was when I got hooked. She exploded over something very minor and I rember I was shocked I had never seen something like that. before it was over with I was saying I was sorry and i couldnt remember what I had done. but I think that made me feel so bad about myself is where I got hooked. after that it was it was a break up about every 6 to 8 weeks with her always attempting the recycle and me allowing it, becasue she convinced me that she had been wrong and couldnt live with out me. I would alway bite and go back. Im at the stage where I dont think a recycle is possible. After it all at this point she has nothing I ever what hear again. Im curious is my reflctions on all this healthy and normal at this stage.
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