healing old wounds

[healingmyheart]

I went with a friend last night to a Divorce and Recovery Meeting.  They had a psychologist speaker who was very insightful.  She herself had been divorced three times and spoke of her upbringing and being raised by an alcoholic parent.

The main point I got out of the talk was that "Marriage is about healing each others wounds."  Idk, maybe that is old news to you guys, but I never thought about that before. 

It seems that we all bring baggage from our childhood as well as previous dysfunctional relationships into the marriage.  I can see where if your wounds aren't complimentary in a sense then you would obviously not be able to heal. 

Thats why it is so imperative that after being in a BPD relationship, we self assess and see what role we've played in the relationship. 

In looking back at my upbringing, I had a very submissive mother who was pretty much treated like a slave and had to accommodate all my dads wishes.  My dad would yell and treat my mom with disrespect.  It is obvious to me looking back why I allowed that cycle to repeat itself in my BPD relationship.  I mimicked my moms behavior.  I became that passive, submissive women... .  

[Cumulus]

I don't know about that statement that marriage is for healing each others wounds. I don't have any experience with a healthy marriage, but when I consider what I want in another relationship I don't want to be looking for someone to heal my wounds nor do I want to find someone who needs healing. I want to be able to be vulnerable to that person, feeling safe in allowing them to know my most intimate thoughts and to be able to share ideas and strengths, but I just don't think I can look outside myself for healing my own wounds. That seems to me to be more of something I need to do myself, along the lines of forgiving myself and being able to forgive those who I feel have wronged me. I do think its important to assess what went wrong in our previous relationships, so that cycle doesn't repeat.  It sounds like you are gaining some understanding, looking at yourself and understanding where your feelings came from.