need ideas for fun

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hello,

I am no longer with my BPD husband, and I have kids that are in their early teens.

We all went through h3ll for the last few years.

I realized lately that I have been so stressed out that I haven't been much fun for the kids like I used to be when they were little. If they ask me if we can do something fun, I don't have any suggestions and neither do they. We are all just empty after all this. I need ideas of ways to have fun and build up our relationship again, so we aren't all about homework, chores, etc.

Can anyone help? They are kind of out of shape and don't like sports anyway, so that's not really "fun". They have video games but that is not the kind of fun they are missing. Same with movies.

I appreciate any suggestions. 

[Rhymes w/Orange]

Hello,

I am no longer with my BPD husband, and I have kids that are in their early teens.

We all went through h3ll for the last few years.

I realized lately that I have been so stressed out that I haven't been much fun for the kids like I used to be when they were little. If they ask me if we can do something fun, I don't have any suggestions and neither do they. We are all just empty after all this. I need ideas of ways to have fun and build up our relationship again, so we aren't all about homework, chores, etc.

Can anyone help? They are kind of out of shape and don't like sports anyway, so that's not really "fun". They have video games but that is not the kind of fun they are missing. Same with movies.

I appreciate any suggestions. 

[maria1]

Just a list of ideas from someone who struggles to let go at times- they or you might feel they are too big but I've found these are things even grown ups enjoy when we make ourselves:

Food fights

baking cakes

making dens

laser quest/ zone (where you shoot each other with lazers) I hate the idea of shooting but it's FUN

water fights

playing board games

chalking on walls

sowing seeds

swimming

playing tig

getting a dvd, popcorn, chocolate, pizza and enjoying (sometimes it's hard just deciding on a DVD!)

having a party- just you lot

face paints

dancing

Going to the cinema- they might say they don't want, mine do too but they usually change their mind once they are there

Sometimes mine don't want to 'have fun'- sometimes just I'll start and then they'll join in. Sometimes one will, sometimes none. I try and not feel defeated and just try again another time.

All the best with it- it sounds tough.

[Rose Tiger]

Apples to Apples is a really fun game to play with teens.  Going on car adventures can be fun, pack a picnic lunch and pick a wilderness type destination.  Something about nature is so refreshing.  When my kiddos were younger, we'd go to burger king and then park at the dog park for a car picnic and watch the dogs play.  Hobby Lobby is a fun place to explore.  Oh, and letting my teen pick a recipe (we were into making pies) then we'd go get the ingredients to experiment in the kitchen.

[maria1]

That made me think of another couple- getting the food colouring out when baking. Blue pie anybody? Green bread?

And walking in a straight line off the beaten track when on a walk (safely obviously!) so you have to go through streams and under bushes and stuff. I used to do this with a boyfriend but I've never done it with my kids, need to start.

[DreamGirl]

Hi rhymes with orange,



I LOVE your screenname.

Can anyone help? They are kind of out of shape and don't like sports anyway, so that's not really "fun". They have video games but that is not the kind of fun they are missing. Same with movies.

Video games that have fitness as part of the "game" are fun for me. And I hate video games.  

Wii has several games that simulate all kinds of sports (baseball, rowing, archery, even frisbee). My favorite is JustDance, my 5 kiddos (ranging from 10 - 16) and I danced the night away New Years Eve.

Also bike riding (the real life kind) is a really good way to get kiddos interested in exercise. You can pace yourself, it's less cardio then jogging and a lot more interesting for a kid to go exploring on a bike.

Plus, it gets sunshine on your face and fresh air in your lungs which is so beneficial for kids who are struggling with any kind of situational depression or anxiety.

~DreamGirl

[FamilyLaw]

My kids always liked having breakfast for dinner in the middle of the week.

When the weather is nice we often drive to a nearby park, bring the Sunday Times (though it could be a Harry Potter book) and picnic and read togehter.

We also have a tradition of popcorn for Sunday supper.  My mom grew up on a ranch, and Sunday dinner was at noon, so supper was a small meal.  So we often have popcorn and movies (Disney) early in the evening.  As the kids got to be older teens they especially liked it, because we would watch the movies they remembered from when they were little.

[Waddams]

I have just an 8 year old son.  I try to make a point to do some kind of activity with him at least once on weekends, and once during the work week.

During the work week, time is tighter, so we tend to stick around the house.  We've been playing through Lego Lord of the Rings on PS3 lately.  The rule is neither of us can play it alone.  Or sometimes I'll pick him up on my way home and we'll stop by a local town center that has a big green, is surrounded by restaurants, etc.  We'll get dinner, and kick a soccer ball around, throw a football, etc.

On weekends:

-the park is where it's at mostly.  Free!  

-But I also sometimes take him hiking (lots of good spots for short hikes within an hour and a half drive).  

-Or the local rec centers, some have real nice pools with kids water parks, slides, etc.  It's $5 for a county resident and $4 for a kid.  So all day fun that tires him out, and it's cheap.  

-We do the sit down dinner movie tavern occasionally.

-there's a skyzone trampoline park nearby.  but gotta buy tickets several days in advance to be sure to have a jump time reserved.

-occasional trips to a kid friendly museum.

-an hour north of here, there's a gold panning/gem sifting place.  that's been fun to do.  you can find gemstones and have them cut and set in jewelry by craftsmen right there on site.

-on trips back to my hometown, we usually make a point to take a dolphin watching evening boat ride (hometown is a beach town).

-we've made trips to planetariums before.

-play dates at parks or houses with a friend.

-took him on a 3 hour road trip once to go see a big air force museum.  

-the local library's have kid events sometimes.

-bike rides on a local pedestrian trail that's real nice to go on.

-there's a local aquarium that's one of the largest in the nation.  it's pricey but i try to take him once a year.

-i've taken him to local festivals.  there's one that we park at the local subway station and ride it into downtown, then walk over to the festival every year.  there's a big kids area with bounce houses, crafts, etc.  then walk around and buy a few things at booths that i use as b-day presents/xmas gifts/etc. throughout the year.  he likes the train ride as much as anything else.

-sporting events such as baseball games.  there's a nice minor league stadium near our home that makes for a fun time.  and there's pro stadium downtown.

-also done NFL games w/ him.  

-recently took him to a ringling brother's circus.  i have to admit i liked that a lot too.

-go carts.

-we've gone to the mall a few times just to wander around, have a cookie or cinabon, etc.

-arcades.

-bowling.

-mini-golf.

-movie night - make a big deal of movie snacks style dinner/popcorn/etc.

come to think of it, maybe i'm kinda tired all the time because we stay REALLY active!

Oh - wanted to add this - i went on meetup.com and joined a single parents club.  they've done lots of cool group events too.  kickball games, renting a pavillion and doing volley ball and cookout and other games all day, etc.  lots of kids to play with, and lots of single parents that have "been there" and are easy to relate to.  it's been a good club to be in.

[AnotherPhoenix]

Wow! Wonderful thread!

rhymes with orange!

This thread is perfect for me. I've been trying to think of things to do with S8 that don't cost a lot. I agree that things can get so stressful that it's easy to forget to have fun. I'm trying to always do one bigger fun thing with S8 on my weekends with him (I have 50/50 physical custody), and 1/2 hour activities during the week.

S8 has already picked out our bigger activity for this weekend: painting (not just coloring--painting) Easter eggs! Should I get a kit for that, or just go with a paint brush and acrylics or water colors?

My contribution: Lowes has workshops for kids where they provide one of their kits and tools for kids to build, all for free. The catch is you might have to sign up for some of them several days in advance.

Zoos are great for S8 and I. We can get a yearly pass that allows a guest (one of his friends), they have a big playground in the middle of the zoo, with a fake huge hollow tree with slides, ladders, and stuff that S8 and his friend can play in. They just started a "feed the giraffe" activity in the zoo, which my son definitely wants to do.

I like play dates too.

Waddams and Maria: May I be an honorary member of your families.  These sound fun!

Just a list of ideas from someone who struggles to let go at times- they or you might feel they are too big but I've found these are things even grown ups enjoy when we make ourselves:

Food fights

baking cakes

making dens

laser quest/ zone (where you shoot each other with lazers) I hate the idea of shooting but it's FUN

water fights

playing board games

chalking on walls

sowing seeds

swimming

playing tig

getting a dvd, popcorn, chocolate, pizza and enjoying (sometimes it's hard just deciding on a DVD!)

having a party- just you lot

face paints

dancing

Going to the cinema- they might say they don't want, mine do too but they usually change their mind once they are there

*gasp* I could learn a lot about letting go from you. How many children do you have?

"playing tig"--I assume you mean playing tag.

Food fights. They sound like fun, but they sound so intimidating to me. So, it sounds like something that might be good for me to do

sometime! Do these just happen or do you stage them? I'm assuming that your dining room floor isn't carpet.

Laser quest. Hmm. Sounds better than shooting nerf darts.

Wow. I'm smiling and chuckling just thinking about these things!

Face painting. I can see that with S8. 

AnotherPheonix 

[maria1]

Another Phoenix- if my kids read that list they'd say 'WHAT? We never do half of those?' This thread's a big reminder to me to do more fun!

Food fight's strictly outside! Jelly is a plan I have but not done yet.

I have an 8 year old son and we do bug hunts sometimes- he loves that. No idea on the eggs- are you painting chocolate ones? Sounds tricky!

[Rhymes w/Orange]

Hey thanks everyone!

These are great ideas. You guys are such cool parents! 

I will definitely plan some of these. Please post any more that you think of.  I appreciate it!

[Free One]

Great post. I think most of us have missed FUN in our lives and as parents sometimes we have to make an effort to put it back in.

One tip my T gave me is to just spend 20-30 minutes with S8 playing whatever he wants and let him set all the rules, direct the play etc. It has increased our bond a lot.

[pandadoll]

My kiddos (4 teens) went out of state for spring break.  My husband is currently working out of state in the area in which I grew up.  He is staying with my brother.  I left the kids with hubby and came back here to work.  It was the first time my step children had ever been in that area.  My kids had lived there but not for several years.  My hubby had to work long hours so to keep the kids from just becoming video game champions for ten days my family jumped right in.  My aunt was going to take them for one night but that turned into two nights.  She has a daughter their age so it was fun for all.  She took them to the zoo on one day.  After the second night my sister came and took them all to the movies and back to her place.  My niece had softball practice so they all went to the ball park and "practiced" too.  Then my mom took them back to my hubby and they all had dinner together.  I went back down and started my own insanity.  My mom went with us.  We went to the SPCA.  The kids enjoyed it but I had a hard time getting them out of there and not taking 12 animals with us.  Next we went to a sky scraper.  A friend of mine works there and knows the chief of security.  With those connections we got to go up as high as possible in that building.  Normally you can't just run around it due to amped security.  They got to see the city from a unique perspective.  There is an amazing water wall that belongs to the building.  The security chief turned the water off and turned it back on for them.  My friend who has worked there 13 years had never seen the water off until that day.  So something special just for them.  I tell you that watching 11,000 gallons of water stop and start is very beautiful.  Then we went to the children's museum and out to eat.  The next day was my niece's softball game and bbq at my parents where they rode horses and 4 wheelers.  They spent most of the day just running and playing who knows what.  I don't know if those kids rested for a week.  They slept half of the 10 hour drive home.  Some of the things we did cost a little bit of money but I think their favorites were the ones that were completely free!

They certainly got spoiled over spring break but I'm glad they had a good time.

[AnotherPhoenix]

Another Phoenix- if my kids read that list they'd say 'WHAT? We never do half of those?' This thread's a big reminder to me to do more fun!

Food fight's strictly outside! Jelly is a plan I have but not done yet.

I have an 8 year old son and we do bug hunts sometimes- he loves that. No idea on the eggs- are you painting chocolate ones? Sounds tricky!

How about an old-fashioned whipped-cream pie fight?

AnotherPheonix

[ennie]

There is a really great book called "Theraplay."  It is about dealing with childhood trauma through play, and rebuilding or building with kids who have been traumatized.  It includes fun games for different ages that also help to re-grow a sense of trust and safety.  This may not be helpful just for fun, but it might, and would be worth looking at. 

Also, we started a tradition that may not seem "fun," but when we do these things, it really makes us feel better so we are more able to feel free and have fun... . every evening at dinner, we each say what we are grateful for.  We also have "special person night" in which we celebrate one person--one of the kids, or DH or me, and everyone makes things for them and then we sit in a circle and present our gifts and tell them what we love the most about them, what our favorite qualities of that person are. 

It seems too serious, but I have been surprised every time at how much the kids need it and love it.  Even now that SD12 is almost 13, she asks for it when she has had a very hard day.   Gratitude seems to lead directly to fun... .

[Rhymes w/Orange]

Thank you ennie!

I will get that book. 

Love the gratitude tradition!   

[Faded]

Took my daughter (14)to the football match today.

She plays football herself so enjoys the game.

Also signed up to join the local rock climbng centre (indoor climbing). Works out really cheap. I dont have any experience in climbing other than fun fairs when they have a climbing wall but thought it fun and also a great social aspect to it too.

All the kit is supplied so complete novices are all welcome as well as seasoned climbers.

Also enjoy a walk down the local park to feed the ducks, kick a ball etc

A bike ride is a great way to explore those hidden villages that never venture into with our busy daily lives.

local music festivals usually work out reasonbly cheap and teens are usually into music.

Fruit picking and then baking some of the produce youve picked, hey even have a little food fight whilst picking away

Junior trivial pursuit can be entertaining with teens who clearly KNOW EVERYTHING 

Theme parks are a teens heaven (usually) if you have one close by or indded a bus trip from your town to one.


Not everything has to cost money, the quality time spent with the children is what is important to them.

If you decide a picnic at next to no cost with plenty of fun or indeed a day out a costly theme park with plenty of fun, the kids will remember the fun, not the cost.



Have fun what ever it is you decide to do and drop us all an update on what youve gotten upto.

[martillo]

Fun, simple games we have fun playing - Scrabble- (even my dyslexic son), Farkle, Yahtzee, dominoes, spades, Scategories.

We also have some fairly non-challenging trails at local parks and even though the kids may groan a little- we hike those together.

[ennie]

Another suggestion... . SD12's teacher is really into the "Five Languages of Love," which I think is a book as well as a system of categorizing how people receive and give love.  The idea is that there are 5 ways people receive love--I think they are: touch, words, service, gifts, and quality time.   This is the way they can receive the love given to them. Knowing what SD12 sees as her language helps me think of fun things for her.  She is very touchy-feely, so I give her love that way... . but it turns out I think she does this because her BPD mom needs that, and really she sees "quality time" as being that magic thing.  Knowing that, I realized that one on one special time really is what makes her feel best... . so instead of gifts or words or hugs, I offer going to a cafe together and writing and illustrating our journals.  For her, I really notice that being listened to is really important.  SD8 wants to play a game together.  But for both kids, the most fun things are one on one, or family dance parties.  Or family music nights.  But the idea is designing fun not around the idea of what is fun in the world, but what is specific to that person's personality and needs.