Ever feel like they didn't even know much about you?

[fakename]

I remember while with her, I would occasionally think, jeez this girl hardl knows anything about me. - my hobbies, interests, how I think etc.

I always felt like she wouldn't put the time in to learn about me.

I now see clearly it was always about her and I neglected myself

[cookiecrumbled]

YES.  And we "nons" think, "Oh, if I show more interest in his life, he will realize how thoughtful that is and eventually reciprocate."  But no.

[daze]

I neglected myself

Me too.  I think a lot of us have neglected ourselves trying to be with the pwBPD.  It can be a challenge to begin taking care of ourselves even after we realize it.  I'm still working on it.  How about you?

[recoil]

I'll give my ex a lot of credit here.  She knew me.  She knew my interests.  She knew some of my fears.  I felt we were kindred spirits when she wasn't pushing me away or being indifferent.  But when she stopped putting in the effort, I ramped up mine instead of withdrawing.  Poor self-worth and not wanting to be alone after the death of my wife was a very powerful combination and her lure was other-worldly.

[Dave44]

Absolutely. I didn't realize the full scope of this until my birthday and Christmas came around. She was so stressed out because she didn't know what to get me. Could not for the life of her come up with any ideas. I have hobbies and passions - it wouldn't be hard. Instead, I had to literally tell her things to get me. On the other hand I had no problem with ideas of stuff to get her. Whenever we were out or at the mall or whatever I would pay attention at the stuff she looked at, the stores she liked. Pretty easy really. She was my girlfriend - I knew what she liked.

I actually spoke about this very subject in a recent thread I started. Looking back she didn't know a damn thing about me. She never asked about my past or anything. The whole thing was just weird.

[LuckyEscapee]

The best was when I realised he didn't know any of my family's names. He listened at first where that served him well, to appear more attentive than most. Then he conveniently forgot big important facts because he was focused elsewhere.

[fakename]

just a couple funny incidents i recalled after reading the replies on this thread:

last year when she left me for the year, i began dating (too soon), and i remember one girl i saw for a little while. i remember mentioning and emphasizing a movie i love  (the brothers bloom... .  its amazing and rian johnson is an amazing director)... .  anyway, low and behold the girl went on her own and watched the movie a few days later. when she told me, i was kinda in a type of shock. like, woah, you have interest in my interests? i haven't experienced that in so long... i mean, you have enough interest to go out and watch something i am passionate about? i'm not used to actions i'm used to just words... .  

there were a couple other instances i recognize of other girls actually treating me so well and tending to my needs. i guess i just wasnt used to it so while i appreciated it for the moment, it wasn't a full appreciation cause i was so hung up over my ex. i wish i didn't negelct other people's efforts that they put into me.


i also remember one time my brother and his wife were over and we were all just relaxing and my bro was tired from a workout and just tired in general (the guy works hard) and asked if her wife could massage his legs and she happily obliged. and i remember looking and thinking, wow i never get that kind of treatment from my ex. i would have to beg or try to manipulate her into getting that kind of treatment.  i was in that same type of shock, maybe that shock consists of envy (not of the other person but of how i wish i was being treated), feelings of neglect, partial realization of what i was doing to myself - putting myself through the pain of un-reciprocated sacrifices, and maybe a couple other feelings that i have yet to identify...

maybe i went a bit off topic, i dont know. but there's just a different feeling and impact to this stuff from when you just know things and when things actually sink in... .  

[just_think]

My ex would spend hours trying to get to know me and really try to understand me so we would have the foundations for a happy relationship... .   





Oh wait... .  No... .  That was my fantasy I was living out in my head and what I was trying to do... .  

In reality, she didn't ask 2 questions about me the entire time we were together.  I finally brought it up after a couple of months and it led to a huge fight.  Early on in dating, I asked her "you don't ask many questions about me" to which she replied "I wouldn't want someone to do that to me - I find it invasive" 

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

[marbleloser]

ExuNPDw,at 20 years,didn't know a thing about me,or really care.

ExuBPDgf,at 5 months,knew me better than I knew myself sometimes.

Feels like I went from one extreme to the other. :/

In reality,I could be open and honest with exBPDgf and had to walk on eggshells with exNPDw. Hell,no wonder I got into that mess.Now,it's just me,working on my issues and coming to grips with my part in all of it.Hopefully,it makes me a better person and partner if/when the opportunity arises.

[wanttoknowmore]

My experience is different. Mine not only knew a lot about me, she also, read about my food choices, my music choices, my reading habits and my thinking processes. She gave me gift of kindle fire on christmas knowing that I spend a lot of time reading books. She evn started eating dishes with I eat and shenever used to eat before she met me.