Good News

[jc2]

My partner and our relationship has been stable for some months now and I have been better at validating and moving on.  Just now things are difficult though and she is in a full blown rage that will probably last for several days.  However, as I began to feel really disappointed that it was happening again I realised that actually this has not happened for months.  So that is the good news.

I wish I could work out what triggers it or if there is anyhting that I am not aware of that I do inadvertently that provokes it but I am not sure it works like that.  There has been a lot of stress with work.  There has been a string of external things but I think it does not and will not make sense.  So I will stop trying to make sense of it.

I had a friend once who said that she was always positive - and would illustrate this by saying if someone gave her lemons she would make lemonade.  However, the best lemon metaphor I have heard here in terms of living with my partner is that if she has even the smallest cut on her finger - do not ask her to slice lemons.

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[Rockylove]

I wish I could work out what triggers it or if there is anyhting that I am not aware of that I do inadvertently that provokes it but I am not sure it works like that... .

There has been a lot of stress with work.  There has been a string of external things but I think it does not and will not make sense.  So I will stop trying to make sense of it.

There may be something you do or say that triggers something for her, but most likely not.  I think you're more accurate in saying that it doesn't make sense.  Stress may be the common denominator though.  I found that if I can get my fiance to express that he's stressed, he is less likely to rage, but if I don't recognize that he's out of sorts, all hell breaks loose!  We aren't expected to be mind readers, but I have gotten to know the look that he gets when he's stressed and I'll ask him about it and he'll now open up a bit when he's stressed and tell me about it.

Glad that you could see the sunny spot in the darkness of her rage~~bravo!

[an0ught]

Hi jc2,

a validating thing to do may be to signal that



I know you are under a lot of stress,

maybe you want to talk or maybe you don't,

tell me when you want it, I'll be there.

Not much you can do in practical terms, this is either to calm down or explode and then calm down. Avoid invalidating her, respect her and remember that she got a problem not you.

Keep it that way and hang in there,

a0