What kind of therapy are you getting?

[paperlung]

I ask because, well, I need it.

Are you seeing a counselor? A psychologist? A psychiatrist? Does he or she specialize in mental disorders like BPD?

What do you recommended for someone who has just really detached themselves from a VERY low-functioning person with BPD.

[charred]

I found a therapist that works with PTSD a lot, in talking with him he said he had dated/been dumped by a BPD gal, so I thought that was a good start. He uses EMDR (eye movement desensitization) for the PTSD/trauma work. I went to him because of severe stress/anxiety, was torn between wanting to be with pwBPD, and wife/daughter... . he pointed me toward mindfulness books, which helped the stress anxiety so much I was amazed, had tried anti-anxiety meds, and the mindfulness worked much better, it also stopped most my ruminating on issues.

My exBPDgf had said I wasn't in love with her, I had an attachment issue, and from past experience I knew she was smart and when really mad, would occasionaly resort to telling the truth, so pursued attachment theory books and found out she was right and my problems pre-dated dating her. After that I read on codependency... some of that going on, as I had quit caring about what I wanted, and was always focused on anyone/everyone else. Helped to understand the problems more, but not to fix them, so somewhere ran across schema therapy and took the tests and found that of the 14 modes they had, I was in the bad area on about 6 of them... . basically lot of stuff from bad childhood and bad coping decisions... . so have books on "reinventing yourself" and so forth coming.

If you read the boards here, and look for books that are used, from the same places... . on amazon for instance, you can spend maybe $5 a book and learn a lot... I suspect I will have 20 books by time I am done... maybe a $100... . well worth it, that is less than 2 hrs of T time.

I have only seen one other therapist in my life, and it was starting college in a required summer class thing I took... . and she said I was the least readable person she had ever met... . and I didn't open up to her, on all her test I was middle of road... as I didn't give anything on tests... . was really PTSD from growing up with a malignant NPD father... . anyway I don't have a lot of advice on therapists, I have picked one and feel lucky so far, he certainly helped with my original anxiety problem... he did EMDR stuff for trauma... . and no clue if it helped or not, as I haven't been in any of the situations that were problematic.  Online most the therapists have web pages that explain what they do and their viewpoints, would look for one that sounds right to you, or if you know people that have really been helped... find out by who and that might even be better.

Good luck, wish I had started getting help 30 yrs ago.

[Clearmind]

paperlung, good for you. I can highly recommend it. Between these boards and my therapist I couldn't feel any better.

I have been seeing pyschotherapist who is well versed in BPD for about 1.5 years. My father is also BPD which is the reason it has helped.

In all honesty, therapy is about unpacking our own stuff rather than concentrating on BPD.

Find a therapist you click with. That is important. It took 3 to find my current one.

[Blessed0329]

Agreed, therapy is essential, not just to try to make sense of what happened, but to delve into why the relationship happened, what was it in us that made such a dysfunctional relationship possible.

I returned to my grief counselor, because she knew the story about the deaths of my parents, my difficulties dealing with losing them, and my history of childhood abuse and neglect. She was not at all surprised to learn about a relationship with someone with BPD. I see her every three weeks now. I also have informal spiritual counseling with my own pastor (male) and a personal friend who is a pastor (female).

Find one that you feel is a good fit for you. This is not a quick process. Best to you, Paperlung.

[Surnia]

I was looking for a T that knows about BPD and is experienced in DBT. This was my frame.

What I found was a woman who has great experience with all kind of PDs. This was luck for me bc my H turned out to have N traits not BPD according to her. And it was benefit also bc my mother and brother both are bipolar.

I really like her DBT approach for myself. I had always homework to do. Doing special things, making lists of eg. moments of anger. It was some focus on "why?" but at the end of the lesson, spot on to how I can learn different behaviors.

[lostkitten]

I found a therapist that works with PTSD a lot, in talking with him he said he had dated/been dumped by a BPD gal, so I thought that was a good start. He uses EMDR (eye movement desensitization) for the PTSD/trauma work. I went to him because of severe stress/anxiety, was torn between wanting to be with pwBPD, and wife/daughter... . he pointed me toward mindfulness books, which helped the stress anxiety so much I was amazed, had tried anti-anxiety meds, and the mindfulness worked much better, it also stopped most my ruminating on issues.

My exBPDgf had said I wasn't in love with her, I had an attachment issue, and from past experience I knew she was smart and when really mad, would occasionaly resort to telling the truth, so pursued attachment theory books and found out she was right and my problems pre-dated dating her. After that I read on codependency... some of that going on, as I had quit caring about what I wanted, and was always focused on anyone/everyone else. Helped to understand the problems more, but not to fix them, so somewhere ran across schema therapy and took the tests and found that of the 14 modes they had, I was in the bad area on about 6 of them... . basically lot of stuff from bad childhood and bad coping decisions... . so have books on "reinventing yourself" and so forth coming.

If you read the boards here, and look for books that are used, from the same places... . on amazon for instance, you can spend maybe $5 a book and learn a lot... I suspect I will have 20 books by time I am done... maybe a $100... . well worth it, that is less than 2 hrs of T time.

I have only seen one other therapist in my life, and it was starting college in a required summer class thing I took... . and she said I was the least readable person she had ever met... . and I didn't open up to her, on all her test I was middle of road... as I didn't give anything on tests... . was really PTSD from growing up with a malignant NPD father... . anyway I don't have a lot of advice on therapists, I have picked one and feel lucky so far, he certainly helped with my original anxiety problem... he did EMDR stuff for trauma... . and no clue if it helped or not, as I haven't been in any of the situations that were problematic.  Online most the therapists have web pages that explain what they do and their viewpoints, would look for one that sounds right to you, or if you know people that have really been helped... find out by who and that might even be better.

Good luck, wish I had started getting help 30 yrs ago.

Its amazing to see that your therapist is treating you for PTSD as well! I thought I was the only one. It's nice to know i'm not alone.

[laelle]

I have a therapist and a psychiatrist.  Just starting back with both tho.  I believe I am going to be doing cognitive therapy with my psychologist, and my psychiatrist will just give me nice drugs.

[seeking balance]

Good for you going to therapy.

Depending upon your personal history and symptoms now is whether you see a psychiatrist or psychologist.  In the US the biggest difference, a psychiatrist can write prescriptions - a psychologist cannot.

Overall, finding a therapist with working knowledge of personality disorders is helpful mainly because the symptoms we need help with are PTSD, codependency, depression which have roots in our family of origin and amplified in our PD relationship.

With any T, feeling comfortable is important - it doesn't hurt to actually interview a few so you feel good about who you are seeing... . for T to work, you have to really trust the person you pick and not all T's are good.

[laelle]

In France, a psychologist is not paid for by insurance, but a psychiatrist is.  My psychologist is in Geneva, Switzerland and she is an American who will graduate getting her PHD or whatever in May.  She doesnt have any experience with BPD which was a bit of a disappointment, but as money is an issue for me, and finding someone who speaks english is a challenge, She seems to be very kind and listens well. Will see where it goes.

[mango_flower]

I'm getting referred through work, so a bog standard counsellor... . I will probs know more than she/he does... . :/

But if so, I will request to be seen by somebody with work in the domain. x

[willy45]

Yeah. If you can, find someone who works with BPD or people involved with those with BPD. I was seeing one T and she is the one that tuned me into BPD. I then sought out another T because the stuff around sex was the stuff that was bothering me the most and this new T was male and worked with BPD a lot. He's been great so far.

[paperlung]

One thing that kind of sucks is that if I wanted to see a psychologist, I'd be paying anywhere from $100-$170 an hour per appointment. So expensive.