To the dumpee’s

[Mightyhammers]

Hi guys

Im just interested to see how it was left when they dumped you? What did they say? And have they been back in contact after saying something harsh to you?

[laelle]

He said horrible things to me, said he couldnt deal with it anymore and told me he wanted me out of his life.  5 minutes after he told me that he loved me and was picking up the money I had just sent him at the WU.  I contacted him that evening and made sure it was over.  We have recycled too many times not to ask.  He said didnt know, was angry and would talk to me the next day.  I told him it was ok, I didnt want to try again.  That you cant speak to people you love that way and that I could not keep starting over.  I told him that i loved him and if he wanted to talk I was here.   He never replied back.

[grad]

Started with an SMS to tell me we needed to talk.  I call her a few minutes later and she tells me she wants to be free and see other people, that she couldn't give me what I wanted.  She had new supply already feeding off her breadcrumbs and started to develop an emotional attachment to him about 1 month into our r/s after it was obvious I wasn't capable of validating her emotions.  The breaking point came after an argument in which she said "I wasn't ready to be in a r/s with her" when I didn't validate that she wanted to show acquaintances "we were in love" and shunned her attention for the hour duration we were there.  2 weeks later she was gone.

[Dave44]

Just read all of my posts!

[mtmc01]

Mine went home to her mom's for the weekend to "think about it" after we had a fight. I later found an email to her entire church group and realized that her leaving me was premeditated and she started the fight on purpose and manipulated me into thinking it was my fault. She broke up with me via a short, cliched email that Monday and sort of texted with me after I read it... . but all of the blame was placed solely on me. She "did everything she could and tried SO hard" according to her. I "dashed her to pieces" and there was "no hope left". I frantically tried to make her see reason, and she said she would rethink things and that she "wanted to believe me". Then, the next day, after my sister tried to reach out to her, she said it was over, I needed to leave her alone, and she was never rethinking things. I tried contacting her here and there since then, but it was always "leave me alone", "you're hurting me", "only god can help you now" (she had JUST starting going to church). It's been 2.5 weeks NC now.

[broken3]

I got the kids ready for their first day of school. Drove my youngest to school. Did some work. Picked kids up from school. Took daughter for a job interview. She says shes gonna go to her brothers with the kids for a little bit.( I thought that was odd since she was on the outs with her brother for a couple of years).

One hour later the police show up saying I verbally and physically abused her and the kids. And had me removed from the house.

Not one word... .

[grad]

I got the kids ready for their first day of school. Drove my youngest to school. Did some work. Picked kids up from school. Took daughter for a job interview. She says shes gonna go to her brothers with the kids for a little bit.( I thought that was odd since she was on the outs with her brother for a couple of years).

One hour later the police show up saying I verbally and physically abused her and the kids. And had me removed from the house.

Not one word... .

if someone did this to me i'd never accept them back again.  this is their way of intetionally damaging a r/s beyond repair if it her allegations were false or didn't happen within the last 24-48 hours

[MakeItHappen]

Mine went a little something like this:

I mentioned to her all the things that she was not doing. Basically, she did nothing for me and made me wonder why we we're together at all.

From that moment on, I started to research bpb/NPD and realized, she fit the profile(s), 100%. Everything except the "rages."

During the time apart, I mentioned several times, we should get together and talk about things. Do we move forward or not.

There was either never a response or it wasn't talked about.

3 weeks into it, I get a text saying that she is going to back to online dating. (Something she vowed NEVER to do because of all the "crazies."

I felt crushed, hurt, angry. Felt it all.

That was over 6 weeks ago. Haven't heard a single word since.

Perhaps, it's due to the fact that she's madly in love again with a new lover... .

[broken3]

Grad,

She knew I found out about forging my name to tens of thousands of dollars in checks.

The night before I found a private facebook message on her phone that she was sinning and straying.

I looked at her while she was sleeping. She woke up. I did not say a word.

I left the house and came back at 6:00 in the am to get kids off to school. She was already gone to work.

I never said a word... . Much less verbally or physically abused her or the kids.

I never even spanked any of my kids.

[paperlung]

Read my thread.

[trouble11]

Ha ... . Mine said ... . and I quote "I love you, you did nothing wrong, I'm going to my moms to get my ~ together, I'll come get my stuff in a couple of day."  The part he left out was that for the week proceeding he had been texting his ex-girlfriend and she wanted him to go to his moms so they could recycle.  He thanked me for being good to him and helping him get sober. 

Yep ... . no fights, no problems, no discussion.  I almost wish there had been a fight. 

[MovingOn311]

Cut and Run is how mine left.  We just celebrated our one year anniversary of being married.  She posted on FB saying happy anniversary and how we can take on the world together.   Three weeks later, out the door, gone.    .   Last argument was basically that I wasn't the person who she fell in love with, and how I was the one who changed (hmm... . projection).  She totally idealized me at the beginning and at the end, completely painted me black.  She complained that she didn't like the person she became by being with me and that she needs to be with someone who is more like her.  Yeah, good luck with that.  Im sure being with someone else who has BPD and has no empathy whatsoever is what she needs.  Says I never paid any attention to her and that I never want to meet any of her friends.  Totally untrue.  The few weeks before she left, she tells me she has to talk to her parents about "finances" about her current budget which was BS.  She went to go talk to her parents about her exit strategy she was planning.  The thing that pisses me off the most is how she did it.  Towards the end, she started complaining about the little things around the house, like chores, etc.  Deep down, she knew she was leaving and already got a lawyer and somehow had to come up with reasons to leave. She really had nothing against me to get a divorce over and she knew it was getting down to the wire and then it all came out at once.  The rug was completely pulled out from under me. 

I would have to say that I haven't reached the forgiveness stage yet and still in the anger stage.  Every time I think of how she left me, it angers me.  She discarded me like I was a piece of trash and couldn't even give me the decency to sit down and have a normal conversation about how she really was feeling.  I should have known better because she told me with past boyfriends,  when she is done, she's done and doesn't look back.  .  She even told me how she would purposely not do things around the house to see if I could prove myself to her that I was carrying my weight.  So pathetic.  I didn't know I had to prove myself to my wife in order for her to realize that I loved her.

[GustheDog]

2.5 years of what I thought was a really great thing.  One month of the most disgusting abuse to which I've ever been subjected, abandonment, now silence for the past 5.5 months.

Irreparable.

[Whitefang]

I was left during another ST til enough months passed that I began to "figure it out".   This was confirmed when somebody ELSE told me he had a boyfriend.  Thus, but setting up her next move that I was a "stalker".   Never confirmed by her, discussed or even told to eff off or arrange getting my stuff back.

Just gone *poof* after knowing her 5yrs. Been a hard struggle to mourn the lost R/S & still trying to accept "she" never existed.  I would've never fallen for a woman who's done the things I've endured.

[Whitefang]

Correction: She.  I'm a guy, my BPD ex was female

[Mightyhammers]

Last argument was basically that I wasn't the person who she fell in love with, and how I was the one who changed

Yep – she told me this a few times, Im not the man she thought I was at first ( this was before we were together even, after I called her out asking her if she was seeing someone – she got back in touch with me 6 months later ), too much has changed between us ( in the space of 5 months? Mmmmm yeah ok )

She discarded me like I was a piece of trash and couldn't even give me the decency to sit down and have a normal conversation about how she really was feeling

I had to practically beg her to have a face to face talk, no arguments, raised voices, snapping at each other – but she said there was no point so didn’t agree. Well thanks.

I should have known better because she told me with past boyfriends,  when she is done, she's done and doesn't look back.

I actually heard different from mine, the abusive relationship she was in a while ago he cheated on her but she went back to him ( so she has a history of going back ), but now I don’t know what to believe – Im actually starting to think it was her that cheated and he went back to her, but Ill never know. I would literally kill to have a conversation with her ex!

[laelle]

"I would literally kill to have a conversation with her ex!"

I know EXACTLY what you mean.

[Mightyhammers]

"I would literally kill to have a conversation with her ex!"

I know EXACTLY what you mean.

Seriously, I would give anything just to have a 5 minutes conversation with him just to see if he really was as abusive as she says he is, and hes turned into a big time coke dealer ( yes really! )

[VeryFree]

She sent me an email when I was away, telling me how I ruined her beautiful life.

Back home again she didn't want to talk about it, but continued to irritate me by little things.

After a few days she attacked me, after which she called the police and blamed me. Without prove I had to leave the house.

[j4c]

I actually saw my ex's ex last week in our local shopping centre. Im not sure he knows who i am to be honest but i walked straight past him, then i stopped, considered going after him for a chat, but then thought better of it aaaaargh. They still see each other every week due to them having a child together so whatever i were to say to him would more than likely get back to her and after 9 months NC thats the last thing i need really!

Some of the stand-out lines my ex used in justifying her ending our r/s were:

"if i stay with you any longer i'll go insane"

"we're incompatible"

"i don't like who i am when im with you"

"you haven't even done anything wrong"

"thanks for everything you've done for me but us together just isnt gonna work"

"i dont want anyone else" (5 weeks later shes in another r/s)

"you havent changed your lifestyle at all since we met" (except move in with her & her 2 daughters)

"you're the worst boyfriend i've ever had & you havent put any effort into our r/s"

"you dont appreciate me"

 


Of course she was correct in saying we were incompatible and i wish her all the best in finding someone that WILL tolerate her screaming the house down for getting home 20mins late.

[laelle]

"I would literally kill to have a conversation with her ex!"

I know EXACTLY what you mean.

Seriously, I would give anything just to have a 5 minutes conversation with him just to see if he really was as abusive as she says he is, and hes turned into a big time coke dealer ( yes really! )

Mine told me that his ex was abusive too.  Now he calls me abusive... . hrmmm  

I remember quite a few things that he said about her that I have a feeling was him.  Great projection.

I am also sure somewhere out there is a girl who is getting the same line of bull fed to her about me.   ***yawns, and its me who causes drama.

[Mightyhammers]

Mine told me that his ex was abusive too.  Now he calls me abusive... . hrmmm 

Makes you think doesn’t it? The more I think about it the more I reckon shes been telling me utter rubbish

[laelle]

They tend to work in half truths... . somewhere in her rubbish is a small bit of truth.  Just enough to make you doubt yourself.

[MakeItHappen]

They tend to work in half truths... . somewhere in her rubbish is a small bit of truth.  Just enough to make you doubt yourself.

That is why, it is a good thing, we are no longer with these people.

[freshstart48]

My exBPD-GF and I spilt again 10 days ago. This is our fifth or six break up.  She recycled me 30 days prior after she broke up with me last time. For me to come back she said shed continue to go to therapy that would include couple therapy.  A week into our reconciliation, she had her planned cosmetic surgery. I then spent the next 3 weeks taking care of her, her kids, cleaning her house, doing her errands, etc. I did everything for her. By week four she was almost back to 100% health wise. She came over on a Friday night. We went to dinner. We came back here, had sex and she spent the night. She woke before I did and went home to do some housecleaning at her house before returning at 930am. We then went to a farmers market that was small. We stayed there for only ten minutes then went to a coffee house and sat on a patio for an hour talking and having a great time. She discussed wanting to have my last name and that we're life partners, etc. The relationship was in the best shape it had been in. We left and went to another farmers market. Half way though she stopped me and told me I was walking thru to fast. I said "ok, I thought I was following you at your pace". We then were just about done and her mood changed. I asked her what was wrong. She said I rushed her through there in my controlling way and said a couple other snotty things.  I said why didn't you ask me to slow down then and she nastily said she already did once.

We left and drove to my place. I was trying to talk to her but she had worked herself up and was pissed.She said she wanted to spend the afternoon doing her errands by herself now. I said why? We got to my house and she went to the bathroom and I asked her to talk to me on the couch. She was telling me this is her. She's going to get mad at things on occasion whether she's right or wrong. I told her that if that's the way she was going to communicate and act when frustrated over something that silly, that could be a deal breaker. This pissed her off and she said she was all in and now is expected to be perfect with her moods. I said no way, that's not what I meant. I meant that we need to fix our communication so a minor frustration to you is talked about quickly before it escalates to this.  I asked her if we could just drop it so this argument doesn't ruin the day. She wouldn't hold my hand. She at first said ok then said no, and got up telling me that she text me when she was done w/her errands. I asked her not to do this but she left anyway. I called her two hours later and she was cold to me and at a store and said she call me back when done. She texted me an hour later that she was on the phone and would call me after her nap. She called me and basically told me in her drama filled way that she's not sure about us. This after a month of multiple love filled cards she gave me, emails, texts, etc. I said we'll at least your telling me on the phone were done vs. sending your usual email.  She said she'd be right over to pick up her stuff and hung up. She came in and quickly walked thru my house gathering her items. I was trailing behind her asking her to sit down and talk. She said no, we're not meant to be together, we fight too much, etc... She then walked out the door. This was on a Saturday night about 530.

I gave her a couple of days to see if she'd cool down and call me back and apologize. I never heard from her. So to send a message that I'd had enough, I de-friended her on Facebook and blocked her before she did me (which is her MO). 5-6 days after out fight, I looked at the dating sites she usual was on after we broke up. I didn't see her and then check on last site that her and I had never talked about. BOOM... there she was not even a week after her picking a fight over nothing. I truly believe she contacted me 30 days before so I could be there to help here thru here surgery. She doesn't really have any friends   and knew I would probably give her another chance and she could USE me. Funny how she picked that fight right as her health was back and pushed me away...

[laelle]

They tend to work in half truths... . somewhere in her rubbish is a small bit of truth.  Just enough to make you doubt yourself.

That is why, it is a good thing, we are no longer with these people.

I cant hate him because I know he cant help it, but I am glad that he was such a shallow, thoughtless person when he ended it.  It makes it alot easier to let go and move on.

I dont really need closure, I recycled enough times to know how the story ends.

[mitchell16]

well after 2 years I was dumped by my exBPDgf on average of about every 6 to 8 weeks for the whole two years. this was only after the first 3 or 4 months when it started. Of course I wouild walk away and not really do any contacting her, she would always start the recycle and I woudl fall right back, Of course each time she would exempt some resposinlity but then say if only I hadnt done what I done she woudl have acted in the way she did. Of course she coudl never say what is was that I did. anyway about 3 weeks ago she got drunk out with some of our friends. decided to call an ex-boyfriend with me sitting there. Of course it made me mad but i didnt say a word. later she started raging at me becasue I wouldlet her have the car keys. Later hat night she told me she was done with me and that she was threw with the r/s. and that she was quitting therapy. I left. she sent me tetx the next day telling me I needed to find someone else that she was done told he didnt want me to contact her anymore. so I didnt. fast forward 3 weeks later she send me a tetx thanking me for soem help with a work issues. I dont repond. 2 dasy after that I get blowed up tetx message threatin me and telling how sorry I was as a person at the failure in the relationship was all my fault. seven phone calls later, 4 voice mail cursing me out. next day text apoligzing for teh calls and what she said. I never reponded to any of them. Havent heard anything in 2 days. she also used the line " that she didnt look who she become when she was with me" and also our lives did compliment each other anymore" of course I wonder if she says all taht why the phone calls cursing me out mad because I wouldnt answer.