My ex says she worries about me

[mango_flower]

Keeping this a separate post from my other, as two separate themes... .

Today I got an email from her.  Nothing unusual.  She asked why I didn't sleep last night (the only way she would have known this was if she had been stalking my facebook, as I commented on something about 4.30am).

I replied just saying I'd got up super early 

She then asked if I was taking a certain medication (sleeping pill) that she always hated me taking, and telling me off a bit for having a drink last night (I don't even drink but had one last night which again she must have seen me comment on something - we have over 100 mutual friends!).

She said something like "You can't expect me not to worry".

I hate it - why is she doing this?  She is happy.  She has moved on.  Sometimes she shows such little compassion.  Today she was asking if I was ok.  I hate it.

She doesn't seem to twig that SHE is the one who has done this, she is the one who has caused me these sleepless nights though 

I thought it'd be nice that she cared. But it doesn't feel nice, it feels pitying.

And then it makes me wonder if she even has BPD, even though she fits all the criteria.  Because BPD people don't show much empathy... . right?

I dunno.

[hithere]

I got a bunch of those texts from my ex with BPD, it is just a way to feel-you-out, maybe keep you warm on the side for recycling.  My ex was very selfish, so if she was putting on the facade of being nice or caring after I left I could be positive there was something in it for her.

If it bothers you and you really want to move on them perhaps you should consider blocking her on facebook?

Do you want her back?

[mango_flower]

Hi Hithere - this is definitely not a recycle attempt.  I 100% guarantee that.  She has moved her whole life away to be with her new girl, new town, new job, everything.  She isn't coming back, she doesn't do going back, and from what I know of her, this is true.  We will never get back together.

I do agree she is in some way keeping me warm, but I think it's more about me being there for her... . as a person, rather than a partner.  So yeah.  You may be right in that way

I don't want her back.  I know it could never work. I would never trust her, and she is no longer my sweet girl she once was. I hate even admitting that. But she isn't.  I want to lock my happy memories in a little box and just take them out from time to time when I feel lonely.

Thanks for posting the link johnnyorganic - it's showing as error and not found though. I'll do a search for it.  I agree she is trying to destabilize me - I'm just not sure why... . urgh.

[lostkitten]

I know how you feel. I've been told it "kills him" i'm unhappy, he knows he's the cause/reason for it, and he cares and "worries about me - more than he should". I'm lost as to what hes trying to do with telling me this.

[mango_flower]

Lostkitten - it's so weird and pointless - and makes you feel "stuck" - maybe that is their goal?  Like, they will never be back, but seeing as they're so unhappy in themselves (even if in a happy new relationship), they can't bear for you to move on, in case you find TRUE happiness and realise what a fraud they were... . ?  (hmmm this just came to me as I typed!)

johnnyorganic - I have found that link now - wow, she has done all those things! But not as an attempt to get me back.  All so very strange! x

[willy45]

Yup.

My ex did all these things too. Maybe not the Psycho recycle but I wasn't taking her calls at that point. And not the 'happy ending' recycle because I live in a different city and country and refused to see her. But, otherwise, yes. And yes. It is bizarre. As you know, my ex just emailed me saying "I have been thinking about you a lot lately". Not sure what that's about either... . I want to respond so badly but don't know what lies on the other side.

johnnyorganic

[Clearmind]

Mango, personally I find the interaction controlling and you are mistaking it for compassion.

She is attempting to undermine you.

If my partner told me he was feeling poorly, I don’t chastise him for what he did wrong – I would ask how I could help. This is showing true compassion – from the heart.