Oh, the silent treatment! I got it many times from a friend. Took me some time to address it properly. At first Id go after him, apologizing for anything I may had said, I wrote emails and phoned him (at some times he refused to pick up the phone). There was a time he went NC for 3 months and then started phoning again as if nothing had happened (!). It used to happen twice a year, meaning that for half of the year we´d be NC... . LOL. When I finally realized he is PA, I told him straight away and also said he would never do the silent treatment on me again, cause if he did, he didnt have to call back ever again. Amazingly, it worked so far! Never tried that again. Although he is PA, but now I confront him and made very clear where my boudaries stand.
I read a lot abt PA and silent treatment. Its a severe form of abuse. If you want to, I can send you some links. Its very childish behaviour, I agree with you. My friend is an engineer too, they are supposed to be rational and logical, but they behave like a 2 yo.
Your husband controls himself at work, so it means that as many BPD´s he knows exactly what buttons he can push, where and whose... .
I believe you deal with the situation very well. I dont feel anguish on your words or any kind of deep pain... . I think I overreact sometimes.