2 months out, so many layers of pain have been unlocked

[grad]

nothing has affected me emotionally like this.  8 months of flirting, 1.5 months of dating, she moved on to new supply that was already lined up, and here i am 2 months later struggling to not contact her (she hasn't msg'd me in a month and i haven't sent her anything in 2 weeks)... .

After 3-4 weeks of denial and depression now it's just this constant emotional sadness that sweeps over me nearly every day.  she's on my mind still around 75% of the time.  it's bitter sweet, to finally feel something so intensely but it's also so one-sided now and i can see the truth in everything she said

[mango_flower]

I have been where you are.  And the only way out is through, I'm afraid 

I too was almost in shell shock for the first month - then it hit.  Truly awful.

It's coming up to 5 months now and I'm slowly putting my life back together... . it takes a lot of processing, a lot of pain and anger and hurt and confusion... .

But you WILL get there.  Step at a time.  It won't always hurt like this, I promise.

Many days I take a step back, and some days the pain is still overwhelming, I want my sweet girl back, not the person she became.  It cuts like a knife. But on the whole, I think about her less and less, and am living more in the present.  It's not easy, it doesn't suddenly just go away... . but every day it impinges on your everyday life less. 

xxx

[GreenMango]

Hang in there grad.  Be kind to yourself too.  It's a super painful experience.

[Wooddragon]

I really needed to read this today. 6 weeks away from last recycle & I thought I was doing ok. Now it's a long weekend - all my "projects" seem like an obligation rather than a pleasure, and now the dreams have begun again as well.  Not of us together - of seeing him happy with someone else. Thank goodness he isn't on fb so I can't see this for real. Just when I thought I was getting better, it has got worse again. I really hope he doesn't try to contact me while I'm feeling this way  :'(

[grad]

I ended up talking to her yesterday after sending her a message asking her if she could just tell me she's happier now.  She said she's "very happy" and it started a minor conversation about work and she invited me to go see her so I did.  She seemed a little awkward but I could sense her feelings for me are still there.  I told her that I realized things wouldn't have worked because of my inability to relate to her emotions and she asked "then or now" and she mentioned something about trying to show me.

My plan is to keep contact to a minimum but am happier she's comfortable seeing her at work again (perhaps a once a month thing) because being able to see her helps a lot with the pain of having her break my heart and move on to someone else. In a sense I know she'll never be out of my life completely. She's done everything she can over the last 5-6 months (including 2 months of dating) to try and hurt me in every way possible but she finally found out how to open that wound by leaving me and shutting me out of her life for the past 2 months. Whenever I do see her or we talk she always asks "so you don't hate me?" but of course she knows I can't nor will I ever... . As much as it pains me, I love her damaged soul.