How do you deal with the frustration?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Someone suggested that I repost this on this board, so here goes:

I've learned a lot on these boards but there's one thing I haven't found yet.

How do you deal with the frustration of watching them be so cruel?  My BF's STBX with BPD says that she's got a "much better life" now and wants to move on, but her actions are the opposite. 

How do you deal with the frustration of wanting them to "get theirs" and seeing that it rarely happens and when it does, it doesn't come close to matching the level of cruelty that they have committed?

[Tracy500]

Someone suggested that I repost this on this board, so here goes:

I've learned a lot on these boards but there's one thing I haven't found yet.

How do you deal with the frustration of watching them be so cruel?  My BF's STBX with BPD says that she's got a "much better life" now and wants to move on, but her actions are the opposite. 

How do you deal with the frustration of wanting them to "get theirs" and seeing that it rarely happens and when it does, it doesn't come close to matching the level of cruelty that they have committed?

[sad but wiser]

Oh Tracy, they have to live with themselves, and that is the worst punishment of all!  There is no peace for a person with BPD, only fear, anxiety and loss.  They always are frightened, defensive, afraid to face the future.  They lash out at those who love them and who would help them.  They push away every good thing in their lives out of the fear of losing it. 

[Tracy500]

Oh Tracy, they have to live with themselves, and that is the worst punishment of all!  There is no peace for a person with BPD, only fear, anxiety and loss.  They always are frightened, defensive, afraid to face the future.  They lash out at those who love them and who would help them.  They push away every good thing in their lives out of the fear of losing it. 

Thank you for this.  It's very helpful!

[sad but wiser]

Bless you, Tracy.  There are good things in the future, we just have to keep rowing the lifeboats toward the shore!

[causticdork]

Yeah, I can't think of a worse punishment than having to live inside my BPDex's head.  She hates herself, she's miserable and insecure and full of anxiety.  Maybe the BPDer in your life is high-functioning and appears happy, but remember that on your worst day you're probably still happier than she is on her best. 

[hithere]

How do you deal with the frustration of wanting them to "get theirs" and seeing that it rarely happens and when it does, it doesn't come close to matching the level of cruelty that they have committed?

Like others have said, their punishment is their lives... .   they can never, ever get away from it.  The best revenge is to move on, be happy and give them as little thought as possible.