Physical manifestations of BPD-stress

[Kwamina]

Hi everyone,

This topic is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. I've always had certain neuromuscular problems and my doctors assumed it was a congenital disorder. Since last year I've been suffering from severe neck and shoulder problems and to me it was clear that there was a direct link to all the BPD-stress I've had to deal with in my life. As I really started working on healing the hurt from the past, the memories started coming and I was getting flooded with powerful emotions. As this was happening, out of no where the neck and shoulder problems began. On one side of my body I started getting extreme and painful muscle contractions which made it impossible for me to turn my head in that direction. On the other side of my body I often get acute pain, basically feels like getting stabbed with a sharp object in your neck and I think you can imagine how unpleasant that must feel.  :'(

Three years ago there was another thing I noticed. Ever since my late teens I've had a few grey hairs on my head. Three years ago after a double explosive BPD-attack (mom & sis ganged up), I noticed that in a few weeks time my hair had started turning grey way more rapidly. I even started getting some grey facial hairs. At that point it was becoming clear that their behavior was effecting my body in more ways than I had imagined.

There is also something about my mother's own health that I believe might be connected to her BPD behavior. Four years ago her behavior was escalating, not just her mean sadistic behavior but particularly her crazy behavior. For months it seemed like she was really losing her mind, it seemed like her brain was completely short-circuiting. After 7 months of her spiraling more and more out of control, she started getting problems as a result of a balance disorder. The 'funny' thing is that when this happens, it also looks like her mind is short-circuiting. Ofcourse I can't prove this but I get the feeling that her extreme BPD-behavior is so strongly affecting the functioning of her brain, that it is causing other problems too.

I was wondering if any of you have similar experiences of how BPD-stress is impacting your physical health? I'm also very curious about stories of BPD loved ones who's own behavior seems to be strongly impacting their own physical health. Thanks in advance for sharing your stories!

[GeekyGirl]

I hear ya, Kwamina. I get a huge knot in my neck when I'm stressed from just about any major stress--a tough work issue, an upcoming dentist appointment (my least favorite place ), or BPD behavior. It really hurts! Sometimes that neck knot comes with a pounding tension headache.

Meditation really helps, though, and finding comic relief can do wonders. I've done yoga for about 7 years (before I found out that my mother had BPD--I just needed a way to de-stress) and the effect that meditation and yoga teachings have had on me is incredible. At the risk of sounding like a yoga commercial, I've found that yoga is a way to really focus on my own well-being and being in the present moment. It's taught me acceptance. A good laugh with friends or a silly movie also help when I have that tension headache/muscle pain. Sometimes things don't seem as tough after you've laughed until your sides hurt.

To answer your other question, my mother's behavior will impact her health, if it hasn't already. She's not a compulsive gambler or into substance abuse, but she's a diabetic and does nothing to control her blood sugar. She ate half a cake in front of me a couple of years ago and always has candy, cookies, etc. in the house. She doesn't exercise at all and leads a very sedimentary lifestyle. It bothers me, knowing what I know about diabetes and the possible complications (my FIL and other people I know are diabetics and working hard to control their blood sugars), but when I've suggested healthier options, she gets... . well... . you can imagine. She's an adult under a doctor's care. She's aware of the possible consequences of her actions. I feel bad for her, because I think she's an emotional eater (I am too) and is using food to self-soothe.

[Louise7777]

Hey Kwamina!

I believe they affect other´s health and theirs also. I can tell you that I got rid of flus once I got NC. Also, everytime I met her, Id be out disregulated myself for at least 3 days. This because I was the targe of her rages and either I was quiet (and blamed me later for being a doormat) or somehow answered back and made others afraid of her reactions (as if she needed anybody to trigger her!).

She is a hypocondriac, so Im not sure whats real or not about her diseases (I guess 80% are made up). What I see is she has no control over food, eats a lot, compulsively, even hidding from others (what for?) and lies about her eating habits. Childish lies, no one cares abt what she eats or how much, but still she "gains weight for no reason, its a thyroid problem!".

What I have seen is chaotic behaviour on some many levels, it wouldnt be different relating to her health... .

Feel better and relax! I suggest a jacuzzi.

[NonBPDaughter]

Hi Kwamina. I dont think its just you. Ive "spoken" to others on here about this. Myself, part of the reason I ended up seeking some therapy with a psychologist is that i was getting these extreme debilitating headaches in the right side of my head. The pain was so severe that it was causing the right side of my face and eye to droop. With this, I was waking in the middle of the night vomiting. My GP thought i had a brain tumor! but after numerous tests i realised there was nothing there and was suggested to see a psychologist. Its all just stress from years of dealing with my uBPD mum. To reaffirm this, I am in a NC period after a rage episode... .   and my headaches, neckaches and allergies have returned after the confrontation. Surprise surprise.

My mother is also physically not well. I do think that perhaps she does actually have lupus, like she says, but I also have no doubt that the toll on her body from her rage, depression and general psychotic state doesnt help her. She also doesnt look after herself. Recently she had a shoulder problem that she left for so long instead of a simple strain its now a serious tear. Why should I have to force a grown woman to go get treatment for a physical injury? Surely she doesnt like being in pain? Its like she is determined to make a saint of herself, her refusal to get medical treatment, She wont treat her arthritis, her lupus, see a chiropractor for her back, nothing. Ive even offered to pay for these things so she cant say she cant afford them. Nothing helps.

I understand what you mean about the mind "short circuiting" too. A few years ago, before I discovered my mother is most likely BPD, i had discussed with my dad (they are separated) the possiblity she may have dementia or Alzheimers. The conversations were that strange! I think that this may be a part of the disorder too.

Kwamina, the most important thing is to take steps to keep yourself healthy and healed. Its important you invest in your self and your body. Get a massage, therapy, nice underwear, facials. Meditate. Turn your phone off when you sleep so you can really switch off. Be selfish.

[MammaMia]

The mind and body are one.  When you are under severe mental stress, your body will react as well.  Pain is a real indication that your body is telling you you have had enough and you need to find an outlet to vent your frustration and a place to find peace.

Mental health equals physical health.  Simple as that.

[XL]

I developed some very, very bad stress related compulsions as a child. Chronic sleep disturbances starting around age 8.

I also have the chronic shoulder pain. I also was heading towards obesity as a child because she overindulged us in treat foods for a variety of reasons, and wouldn't let me exercise outside of the house. And honestly, I hit the world in a pretty crazy, unsupervised state as a teen and drank way too much in order to cope with a lot of this crap.

One time she launched a rage campaign when I was on stand-by for emergency autoimmune related surgery. I was in a precarious state, at risk for permanent sensory damage from a single blood pressure spike. I was sent home with a prescription for a massive, closely supervised steroid overdose, and told to relax in a dark room at all costs. Well, she got mad she wasn't included enough in my treatment, came up with some insane request, and she took the chance to throw the worst, loudest tantrum ever. And I hung up. I think I pitched the phone in the trash. She almost permanently crippled me. I haven't forgiven her for that, and likely never will. There is no amount of therapy that could get me to a point of forgiveness for that specific event.

She hints that she's neglecting diabetes, yet jokingly self soothes with food. The one time I took the bait and asked her about it she raged at me.

Setting up a reasonable and consistent exercise schedule is immensely helpful. Exercise really helps to burn off a lot of mental garbage.

[Kwamina]

Hi everyone. Thanks for sharing your insights and for all the advice!

I remember a period at work a few months ago when I was really busy. I was making long days and actually expected my neck and shoulders to hurt again but it didn't happen. This amazed me. A week later I was thinking about some of my mother's and sister's worst behaviors and guess what? The tension and pain returned almost immediately. I actually never get headaches, but I do feel the tension building up. When I'm very angry about my uBPD relatives behavior, I can actually see and feel the muscles in my neck and face twitching involuntarily which is a very weird sensation.

Exercise and meditation are two things that work for me too. Meditation helps me deal with the anxiety and also helps me better accept things the way they are instead of how I would like them to be. It helps me clear my mind and come to new insights. Exercise helps me relax and be 'in the now' and also helps me sleep better.

I can also very much relate to the comment by cristina2323 about being emotionally dysregulated yourself after contacts with your BPD family members. This is one of the things I still find very hard to accept. Growing up their behavior had a massive impact on the way I felt and behaved myself. Even when they did nothing, even when they weren't around, I was still struggling and feeling very bad about myself. That's what I hate the most, they got inside my head and totally destroyed my inner peace and sense of self worth. I'm doing better now but I still find this part of their behavior very hard to accept. As a child I was basically powerless, they knew this of course but that didn't stop them. This actually motivated them to keep on acting this way since they knew they could get away with it since I was just a kid.

Not looking after themselves properly is something that bothers me too. Not only because in spite of all the things my mother has done I still care about her health, but also because I've come to realize that this is one of the ways they try to manipulate you. When you're always worrying about them, you're not focusing on yourself. Instead they are getting all the attention and you know how people with BPD love attention! They just can't handle the attention when they get so that creates all sorts of other problems. Drama, drama and more drama! I remember reading in a book about BPD how a mother was mad because her daughter didn't allow her to organize her wedding for her. The daughter refused because her mother wanted to do things her way and totally ignored what she wanted. So her mother started a smear campaign about how her daughter cut her out and didn't allow her to come to the wedding which wasn't true of course. The mother stopped taking her meds and actually slipped into a diabetic coma the night before the wedding. Everything always has to be about them. The daugther went ahead with her wedding anyway but people were now calling her selfish and mean for how could you get married while your mother is in a coma. So mom didn't get to organize the wedding, wasn't even there, yet her presence was very much felt.

@XL

I'm very sorry to hear you had such a big health-scare, made even worse by your mother's behavior. How is your health now?

@NonBPDaughter

How are you coping with the headaches now?

I think it's time for me to watch a silly movie now