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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: ex uBPDgf got engaged after less than 4 months of dating  (Read 469 times)
me757
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 174


« on: March 31, 2013, 08:47:07 AM »

This isn't a surprise to me... she's hinted at it for over a month. It's just crazy to me how dumb or desperate this new guy is. She's cheated on him with me probably 20 times since we broke up (they got together within a week and been dating 3-4 months). He's aware that she has stayed over at my place. Her sister told me a few days ago that if he wasn't proposing that she would have been done with him. On top of that he is military and has to move every 3 years and she always got the worst stress from travel. They'd have to move to Hawaii at the end of the year. I've been there and the isolation from being that far from everything would seem like a nightmare for a BPD who fears abandonment.

Her sister said they fight all the time, that she drinks his liquor in the morning. It just comes off like hes so afraid to lose her that he will go to the length that I could never do because I knew of the emotional/physical cheating. He knows it but still does this? I know I don't want to get back with her but this still pisses me off. I makes me mad that I fell for someone who could be this reckless. It also makes me think I need to completely disengage, meaning no more facebook messages. I'm making great progress by getting over this girl but this one stung. Especially the way she said it...

Me- Get any Easter presents?

Her- ... . Yes. One that your not gonna like.

I brushed it off unfazed and responded with "oo drama. have fun with that." She told me to quit the sass and I moved on. So annoyed...
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lockedout
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Relationship status: separated since 1/13
Posts: 259


« Reply #1 on: March 31, 2013, 03:49:39 PM »

Your message could have been just to wish her the best of luck. He may be another BPDer; puts up with the crap because he fears abandonment so much that he tolerates what most of us wouldn't. He drinks to ease the pain of what he won't face. Looks like the punishment fir the crime on this one. It's probably the best to un-friend her. One less memebr of the audience.
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me757
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 174


« Reply #2 on: March 31, 2013, 03:55:32 PM »

They went facebook official and for a few minutes it hurt... then suddenly I kind of felt ok again. I'm sure it'll affect me for a little bit. It was kind of sad that barely anyone liked it or commented on the page. Everyone is thinking the same thing.
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