Hi bpdfamily.com friends,
I just wanted to post here to mark an anniversary. It's been one year since the breakup and last time I was in contact with pwBPD.
He broke things off with me, suddenly, just as we were seriously discussing rearranging our lives to be together. He broke up with me on the phone, then immediately took it back and what ensued was a month long push pull breakup that he left somewhat open-ended, although I knew it was over. Our relationship lasted a little less than 18 months, with a 3 month break in there which ended in a recyle. I didn't know about recycling then, I thought he had had a real change of heart.
A month earlier, I had lost my father. I was also full of anxiety, had lost a lot of weight, had skin problems and couldn't sleep. What everyone dreams of when they are in love
I was lucky in that he was a very loving and caring person, who never once raged at me. He was in therapy and very, very aware of his issues. Of course that didn't stop them from coming out in full force. And my co-dependency reached heights with him that I never knew were in me
I immediately implemented NC, because I know that contact would have been too painful for me and would have slowed my healing. I also immediately went into T to look at what the heck was going on with me. And I'm still learning.
I've learned that I had no business being in that r/s to begin with, my boundaries were like jello and I was in full rescue mode. Through NC I've been able to detach, to learn about BPD and relationships with pwBPD, and most importantly to focus on the parts of me that were activated in the r/s. I've been able to change my behavior, concretely with some people in my life and that feels good.
My pwBPD has not contacted me. At first, I was hurt, I wanted him to realize that he made a huge mistake and try to get me back. Now I'm so grateful, I really am. I've had the time and space that I needed to gain some perspective. If I heard from him now, I feel I would be okay, but I know I will not initiate contact with him.
I feel a lot better, I don't want him back, I see that it was a very unhealthy r/s - on both sides. I sincerely wish him well, love him, and actually think that if he continues with his therapy that he will find a good partner one day - I wish that for him. And me, too !
So, I guess I just want everyone on this board to know that it DOES get better, it really does. I think the faster we focus on ourselves and our emotional health, the quicker the recovery. It's tough, no doubt about it, and it hurts to work on this stuff, but we're worth it.
Thanks for reading
