BPD with sadistic traits, advice, please.

[doubleAries]

yeah, exactly. NOT giving them ammo is self protection but not submission. Don't share anything personal--what you're doing, where you work, who you've talked to--anything you wouldn't tell the unknown person in front of you in the grocery store line. Just be politely pleasant, walk away if it gets ugly (without explaining why) and most of all, don't JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain). Let her actions speak for themselves. just because others don't say anything doesn't mean they didn't notice. That's something I am totally learning right now in my ugly divorce. Others are now more comfortable to say what they thought before but didn't say. I'm surprised. But then again--they have boundaries and I don't. That's why they don't have a "need" to point out the obvious 

[Louise7777]

Hey guys, Im back! I survived! LOL.

Im somehow harmed, but at least the wounds are not that bad... .   just some scratches... .   I think I have one more family member with a PD... .   OMG!

My aunt was calm, she put up a show, histrionic as usual, but I followed your advice and it ended well. No warmth or care, like she did to my cousin who was there, or her friends, but at least she didnt rage. Im happy that I was ignored.  I thought she would be busy setting up her play for the audience, and I was right, the witch doesnt appear when there are friends around. 

This cousin of mine was a new discovery for me, so fake, so histrionic too... .   Talking abt herself and her things and never said a word to me. She has always been like that, but I never put much attention, I always had reached out for her, but now I decided no talk unless she talks to me... .   And she didnt. So I was observing and her fake attitudes were so tacky! I think I have more tools now to understand and then decide whats best for me. Thats easy: NC. ;-)

Thank you all soo much from the depths of my heart... .   I feel exahusted and drained just for watching that terrible freak show. But also Im relieved Im so different. I can have thousands of flaws, but Im not fake and not an ___-kisser  (sorry, dont know any other expression to explain it).

DoubleAries and Kwamina, you both have been so helpful, Im here for you if and when you need me.   

[motherof1yearold]

Yes I would like to comment again on this post : ANY secrets, personal information, or weaknesses you release in confidence to the BPD/ sadistic trait person WILL be used against you at their leisure! do NOT give them any ammo! I have even read in an article that BPD'ers will report any semi criminal/ criminal activity you have committed in the past or while with them!

[Louise7777]

Hey MotherOF1YO!

You are right, you cant say things in confidence. I dont think it happened to me, but I saw them do that to other people, with all disregard for the consequences. Actually, they like to injury and havo no moral/ ethics when dealing with others.

Thank you for your advice.

I will open a new thread on BPD/ HPD/ NPD, I just realized I have another family member with some traits, maybe people can help me clarify... .  

[Kwamina]

Hi cristina! Verry happy to see you've survived your encounter with the Witch! Drained but still alive

So you think your cousin might have a PD too? This wouldn't surprise me, many children of people with BPD often behave like a PD themselves. Sometimes it's just learned behavior, but unfortunately some children really develop a PD too (like my oldest sis). This is a very sad aspect of personality disorders, things can go on like this from generation to generation with the same drama repeating itself over and over again.

[Louise7777]

Hey Kwamina, thanks for your kind words (as usual!).

Yes, I believe my cousin has a PD. I have always find her constant grin strange, like a frozen mask. Its not real, there are no feelings there, shes playing a role on a stage. On her husband´s funeral, she was more worried abt her looks than abt his death... . (and he died young)... .   It was shocking to see, not only for me, others noticed actually.

Im not sure its learned behaviour. Her mom, uBPD, is not histrionic like that (she is not fake, she doesnt wear a mask)... .   I saw NPD/HPD/BPD traits on my cousin. It really bothers her not to have attention, not to be the center of attention actually. Now she behaves very coldly towards me, maybe its her way to show rage for me not putting up with her acting anymore.

So far, I decided to go NC. If and when we meet (twice a year, tops) Ill just turn my back and go to the other side of the room. Unless you guys have other advice, Im sticking to that.