Ex girlfriend called police and entered restraining order

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I am new to this forum and need some legal advice. My ex girlgriend first called the police on me and then the next weel filed a restraining order against me.

Quick story. Ex girlfriend moved to my hometown 3 years ago from California to pursue a relationship with me. Six months into our relationship, she is mad that I did not get her a ring. She then priced a ring at the local jeweler and presented me with an ultimatum. She would back off and we would get along for a short while and then she would get mad again. This emotional merry go round went on for the next two years. We had another breakup and then I bought her a ring and emailed pictures of the ring to her. Attached to the photos was a message that read; take your time, no pressure, have fun. The next evening, she had the police call me to tell me to leave her alone and not call or email her. The next evening, she is calling me but I don't answer the phone. I have the phone record. The next week, I am served with a restraining order. I then hire an attorney to get it expunged. Two weeks later she reaches out to me through the dating site match.com. and lists me as a favorite. I sent that to my attorney. It has been 8 weeks now since the police called me and I have had no contact with her. She cancelled the first hearing scheduled for today, April 1st. We now have a new hearing scheduled for April 10th. She knows that I am no threat to her and apparantly still wants to embarrass me (spite) or punish me because I did not get her a ring 2 years ago. I was not ready then. She seemed too desperate and my gut instinct told me not to do it. Now this is happening. I know judges err on the side of caution. There are many lies in the restraining order such as physical harm, and that we had no relationship for two years. I have plenty of emails from her over the last year still prooving we had a relationship through most of this last year. She is the one who has reached out to me since she had the police call me. What chance do we have in getting this dismissed? Thanks in advance.

[swimjim]

I am new to this forum and need some legal advice. My ex girlgriend first called the police on me and then the next weel filed a restraining order against me.

Quick story. Ex girlfriend moved to my hometown 3 years ago from California to pursue a relationship with me. Six months into our relationship, she is mad that I did not get her a ring. She then priced a ring at the local jeweler and presented me with an ultimatum. She would back off and we would get along for a short while and then she would get mad again. This emotional merry go round went on for the next two years. We had another breakup and then I bought her a ring and emailed pictures of the ring to her. Attached to the photos was a message that read; take your time, no pressure, have fun. The next evening, she had the police call me to tell me to leave her alone and not call or email her. The next evening, she is calling me but I don't answer the phone. I have the phone record. The next week, I am served with a restraining order. I then hire an attorney to get it expunged. Two weeks later she reaches out to me through the dating site match.com. and lists me as a favorite. I sent that to my attorney. It has been 8 weeks now since the police called me and I have had no contact with her. She cancelled the first hearing scheduled for today, April 1st. We now have a new hearing scheduled for April 10th. She knows that I am no threat to her and apparantly still wants to embarrass me (spite) or punish me because I did not get her a ring 2 years ago. I was not ready then. She seemed too desperate and my gut instinct told me not to do it. Now this is happening. I know judges err on the side of caution. There are many lies in the restraining order such as physical harm, and that we had no relationship for two years. I have plenty of emails from her over the last year still prooving we had a relationship through most of this last year. She is the one who has reached out to me since she had the police call me. What chance do we have in getting this dismissed? Thanks in advance.

[marbleloser]

With emails and the call log,she has little chance of this affecting you.When the charges are dropped,have your atty stand up and press charges for false charge and ask that she pay all legal fees,then ask for a protection order from her. 

Two can play this ~ 

[swimjim]

Thank you marbleloser. What if she comes to court with more lies that are not listed in the affidavit? Maybe not allow the judge to hear additional lies because if they were so important, why are they not in the original paperwork.

[jaird]

I am confused about whether you were arrested, or there is just an order in place.

It certainly sounds like if there was an arrest, the charges will be dropped based on what you're saying.

In any case, you really need to have no contact with her. Block her in every way you can.

[momtara]

It is easy to get a temporary restraining order, not as easy to get a final one.  However, if you don't want a domestic violence thing in your history and don't want to take a chance, you may just want to find an inexpensive lawyer.  You never know how something will go.  Sounds like you'd best stay away from someone this nutty.

[swimjim]

I was never arrested. The police called me and told me to no longer call her or email her because she went to the police to file an incident report because I finally bought her the ring she always wanted. The police said that I was not in any trouble. However, the next evening, she tries contacting me but I do not answer my phone. Then she waits another week and goes to the court to file a restraining order. In the restraining order, she embellishes and misrepresents allegations so that the court would take notice. My attorney is fighting on my behalf to get this expunged so it is not on my record. Since the police contacted me, I have had no contact with her but she has tried to trap me by calling my phone and reaching out to me through match.com. My attorney sent her a plea letter giving her the option to dismiss this in light of the fact that she has attempted to contact me and that she knows that I am not a threat to her. Her motivation is spite and embarrassment. She has not responded to the plea letter. Why would she want to go through all the effort to go to court to keep punishing me?  We have the phone call log and email from match.com. Do we stand a chance to get this dismissed or is her "poor me the victim" going to have the judge side with her?

[Waddams]

you have a reasonable chance to get it dismissed i think.  you can show the evidence you can.  if it's dismissed, i'd be tempted to file a counter filing asking for a no contact order on the grounds of her latest harassment.

[broken3]

swimjim,

I have been through almost the same thing twice with my ex. Document everything!

Instead of you being on the defensive. Make sure she has to prove her case. Everything listed in the RO. Systematically break down and rebutt every accusation. They usually look at recent history. So try and recall day by day every minute of contact.

Honesty prevails if you are completely prepared.

more than likely. It will be dismissed.

[swimjim]

She listed on the restraining order that I physically harmed her. I was so FRUSTRATED when I read that. That is an outright lie. Prior to the police calling me, much of my contact with her was from the result of her drunk call the night before when she called me twice frustrated that I never bought her a ring and that according to an old friend of mine that wanted her all to himself, I cheated on her and lied to her through the whole relationship. I have doocumented phone log incoming calls from her from that evening. The next morning after her drunk call to me, I drove over to her house to see if she was okay and to try calling her because of my concern for how she felt. She listed all that on the restraining order. I would not have done any of that had she not called me the night before. She is trying to show that it is all me harrassing her. She is the one that initiated the phone call the night before and we have that as proof.

[jaird]

Try not to worry too much. It sounds like in six months or a year, this will all be water under the bridge.

Just stay no contact 

[ForeverDad]

A restraining or protection order can have long-lasting consequences.  Right now it is probably "ex parte" or temporary (TRO or TPO) which means no ruling on the merits from the court has been made since you haven't yet been able to defend yourself from her allegations.  An RO could affect your employment options in the future, it might even be searchable in who knows how many lists.  Yes, maybe in a few months or a year, she may have let go of you, but this court action, if not handled (contained?) as much as possible now could haunt you for a long, long time.

It is good you have a lawyer.  You need to present as much evidence as possible supporting your story and refuting her claims.

On the one hand, courts are often willing to rule on technicalities.  If you can disprove her statement in multiple examples, that may give the judge basis to state her complaint was 'not credible' (courtspeak for liar) and then deny/dismiss her petition.

On the other hand, judges are reluctant to deny a petition and risk seeing the petitioner later appear as a murder or assault victim in the newspaper.  So sometimes just for a person, typically the woman, to claim being "fearful" a restraining order can be obtained despite no evidence to support it.

It would be very smart of you to state in court that you realize the 2+ year BF/GF relationship is Ended and that you want no further contact with her.

With lawyer's permission, add that based on the multiple lies in her complaint, that YOU are 'fearful' of further contact from her and what else she might try to do to you and will file for a reciprocal restraining order against her to ensure she stays away from you.  (If she gets a restraining against you, that blocks you from contact with her, but likely she can still contact you.)

And then do that - stay No Contact, Move On with your life.

Hmm... .   If she has done this to you, might she have done this to prior BFs?  If she has a history of filing against other people and you can locate those cases, that history may work in your favor.

[momtara]

forever dad, you gave such good advice!

[jaird]

forever dad, you gave such good advice!

Yes, he does.