seeing things in a new light

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Just a small reflection on something that happened today.  My youngest girl is having some problems in school, and my uBPDxw and her husband (step dad) and I attended a meeting with the principal and assistant principal.  Afterwards the three of us, without the principal and assistant principal, sat down for a couple minutes to discuss what the next step for my daughter should be.  Actually the first time the three of us have met together; I met him once at my house and he seemed a decent guy. 

Anyways, he was talking and he hadn't finished, when she cut him off and changed the subject, addressing me.  I kind of internally winced in recognition of the disrespect to him.  It was so . . . familiar.  But back years ago when she was doing that kind of thing to me, I would immediately stifle my feelings or rationalize / excuse it, or silently fume and let it go later.  I guess that's what he's doing now. 

Now I'm just observing . . .

Funny how a little perspective makes things clearer.  Funny and sad . . .

[pilgrim]

Just a small reflection on something that happened today.  My youngest girl is having some problems in school, and my uBPDxw and her husband (step dad) and I attended a meeting with the principal and assistant principal.  Afterwards the three of us, without the principal and assistant principal, sat down for a couple minutes to discuss what the next step for my daughter should be.  Actually the first time the three of us have met together; I met him once at my house and he seemed a decent guy. 

Anyways, he was talking and he hadn't finished, when she cut him off and changed the subject, addressing me.  I kind of internally winced in recognition of the disrespect to him.  It was so . . . familiar.  But back years ago when she was doing that kind of thing to me, I would immediately stifle my feelings or rationalize / excuse it, or silently fume and let it go later.  I guess that's what he's doing now. 

Now I'm just observing . . .

Funny how a little perspective makes things clearer.  Funny and sad . . .

[HarmKrakow]

I just wanted to add to this that it must have given you a very interesting feeling, seeing it from "outside" the BPD box.

[blecker]

Perspective is evertyhing.

Imagine you are sitting on the floor inside a box. The box has one hole on one side big enough for your head to fit through. The box is red on the top, green where the hole is and blue on all the other sides

I am standing outside the box looking at you with your head sticking outside.

I ask you, "What color is the box?"

You look sideways and down and say, "Green".

I say that you are right as far as you know.

Sometimes we just have get out of the box.

Seems you have.

[Diligence]

Dear Pilgrim,

How nice that you were not the one subjected to your former wife's behavior!

I feel uncomfortable witnessing this kind of behavior.  Once, I was conversing with a divorced couple.  The wife began effusively criticizing her former husband as she spoke directly to me.  Though she ignored him, the poor guy asked, "You do realize that I am sitting right here, don't you?"  Sadly, I think she recognized neither her words nor her actions.  She was oblivious.

I believe my former husband suffers with uNPD.  I now realize that the harmony I tried to promote in our marriage served to enable his behavior and disable mine.

Congratulations on observing rather than participating. 

[pilgrim]

Thanks harmkrakow, blecker and Diligence,

It really is nice to be able to communicate and hear back from somebody about this. 

I like the box analogy.

Thanks to this website and caring people like yourselves, I got out of the box.

Take care,

P