guilt.

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

it been almost 5 weeks since me and exBPDgf split. She got drunk raged at me told me she was done with me and this relationship and was done with going to therapy (one seession). I went NC. two weeks later she starts tetxing ,  I dont repond she rages again. In VM and texts. Next day I got a she was sorry email. I have not nroke NC. i got another one 7 days ago, Havent heard nothing in 7 days. saw her yesturday. I avoided her. But I do beleive she times coming to my work building so I would ahve to see her. She knows what time I leave and she just happned to be pulling in at that time. Might not have been but was just very starnge timing. BUt what is going on with me is I have been dating/hanging out with a girl that I like. But I taking it very slow. No sex, just eating out and movie and stuff. She really like me and it going good. But i still feel like im cheating on my ex. this is crazy. I have never felt this way before when other relationship dissolved, why now? I paranoid about someone seeing us and telling the ex. I worry how it will hurt her feelings. I should not feel this way she was the one who dumped me and told me to move on and find someone else. So I tried but the guilt I feel is terrible. Is it becasue I have been in a abusive relationship or what. Any answers.

[mitchell16]

it been almost 5 weeks since me and exBPDgf split. She got drunk raged at me told me she was done with me and this relationship and was done with going to therapy (one seession). I went NC. two weeks later she starts tetxing ,  I dont repond she rages again. In VM and texts. Next day I got a she was sorry email. I have not nroke NC. i got another one 7 days ago, Havent heard nothing in 7 days. saw her yesturday. I avoided her. But I do beleive she times coming to my work building so I would ahve to see her. She knows what time I leave and she just happned to be pulling in at that time. Might not have been but was just very starnge timing. BUt what is going on with me is I have been dating/hanging out with a girl that I like. But I taking it very slow. No sex, just eating out and movie and stuff. She really like me and it going good. But i still feel like im cheating on my ex. this is crazy. I have never felt this way before when other relationship dissolved, why now? I paranoid about someone seeing us and telling the ex. I worry how it will hurt her feelings. I should not feel this way she was the one who dumped me and told me to move on and find someone else. So I tried but the guilt I feel is terrible. Is it becasue I have been in a abusive relationship or what. Any answers.

[Surnia]

Can you allow yourself do see this new girl?

And if not, what are the "musts" or "should nots", that are against? Like "helping" your ex? Not hurt her?

Perhaps you could write a good-bye letter to your ex (only write not send it!)

[sad but wiser]

Hi Mitchell.  This guilt is all wrong.  She knows you are not together.  It has only been 3 weeks?  I would take that new relationship very, very slowly.

[mtmc01]

Yikes, that's pretty quick to move on. Have you really processed things? It sounds like you are carrying a lot of baggage from the ex still. It doesn't really seem fair to the other girl, but that's just my opinion. I'm 6 weeks out, and I can't even fathom dating again.

[mitchell16]

I agree it is very quick and it was something I didnt plan on. I have eplxined to this girl the sitution that I was just emotionaly drained at this time and wasnt ready for anything. Im just casully dating. Hanging having a good time and seeing where it it all goes. The guilt come from me towards myself. Its crazy that I would feel this way because its like Im concerned with what my ex will feel or hurting her feelings or like im still in a relationship with her and im cheating on her or something. Its very odd. I have never felt like thsi before when teh relationship has ended. I usual take a little time and then move on. BUt this is like im stuck. I really should care about what the ex thinks because she is the one that threw me away like yesturdays news paper. as far as it being quick I know it is but I guess after being broke up, told your not in love with anymore, accussed of things, hung up on and the drop of a hat, left numerous times to sit at home by yourself why the did whatever that want. It leaves bad taste in your mouth and you get ready to move on.

[laelle]

 Your feelings of guilt may have more to do with the respect and love that you had for her and the relationship regardless of whether she deserved that love or not.  Right now I feel like Ive been stolen from... .   emotionally, physically, financially from my ex, but I would feel terribly guilty going out with another person because regardless of how he saw me, I love him.

I am not saying you are doing anything wrong, I am just explaining how even tho someone can treat us rotten we still have to respect our own feelings and values.

[mitchell16]

laelle, I think you might be right on this. I did always have the most respect, always watched out for her feelings. I do still love her and I do miss her. But I have decided to move on per her request when she once again broke it off and also for my own sanity. To be as cruel, mean, cold hearted and she was she had a very soft, gentle caring side. Only problem with it was she could never be consistent with anything, her emotions, work ethic, friendships. and what happens is she has said so many cruel things that you stop seeing that caring sweet side of her and all you start to see is the evil other side. very sad.

after much though of why Im feeling this way, is she verbally nashed me for any mistake that seh thought I made and she was so dramatic with her verbal assualts that it just made me sick that I had let her down in someway. I had a flashback to one incident in particuler. I recieved a text message from a old hs friend that i havent seen in 20 years. She is a female and we were very good freinds but just drifted away from each other nothing ever went on with us. anyway, I got the text asking me a question about a bottle of wine. Just that simple. She went into a tirade of how I was cheating with this girl and How horrible of a person I was for talking to her. Now this is a person that has numerous male freinds some that she talks to daily and has spent the night at their house but I never said a word and if I did it was always diffrent she would say. I think she brainwashed me in some form or another.

[HarmKrakow]

Your feelings of guilt may have more to do with the respect and love that you had for her and the relationship regardless of whether she deserved that love or not.  Right now I feel like Ive been stolen from... .   emotionally, physically, financially from my ex, but I would feel terribly guilty going out with another person because regardless of how he saw me, I love him.

I am not saying you are doing anything wrong, I am just explaining how even tho someone can treat us rotten we still have to respect our own feelings and values.

Same, wouldn't even start occasionally dating after 4/5 weeks after a break.