Why still mixed messages

[cal644]

I hate, hate, hate the mixed messages - the love/hate the I thought we would be together forever - its your fault I had an affair.  The I'm misserable/I'm happy. How the list goes on and on - you were my best friend/I never want to see or hear from you again in my life.  Is it just to torture me - or is it becuase she had regrets? 

[mtmc01]

I'd say it's a bit of both. At least you may be getting signs of regret. I know it might make it "easier" for me to move on, but mine has done nothing but paint me black and place 100% blame on me, then proceed to mostly ignore me.

[mango_flower]

My ex did this at the start, and I have no idea why, since she stated from day 1 that she doesn't DO going back.  I begged her once, after the mixed messages, and she said no - she would never come back.  And that she was sorry.

My own understanding of it is that she is simply hashing out her own thoughts (we all have them, right?) which are naturally going to be confused.  She may have no intention of getting back into a relationship but will still think things about how it could have been, how she's sad it ended etc etc... .   and whereas most people would have the sense and compassion not to say it out loud, she's probably a typically impulsive BPD and thinks it's completely acceptable to share her thoughts and feelings with you.  Which is just damn well unfair!  But then, when was any of this fair... .   ! 

[nak]

Unfair is a good way to put things. My uBPD g/f would wake up at 3 am , lock herself in another room, and swear that I didn't love her. All of it had me going "Huh?" , "Wha?" . And somedays she would hint at marriage and others she would say things to undermine the marriage ( ie, "The kid isn't yours" when she was 4 mos pregnant and others . We should prob take all these patterns and put them in a book b/c the nuances of BPD relationships need to be captured for the benefit of us all.

[Clearmind]

Mixed messages are contradictions - Say a friend tells you she wants to remain "just friends," and then proceeds to call you every day, text message you twice a day, and express how much she misses you on a regular basis.

Do you listen to the words or do you watch for the actions OR do you listen and watch out for both? - this says more about us than our partners cal.