The red flags you ignored

[mtmc01]

From everything which is written here in the list, I can easily make 'another' list as a points which I wouldn't give a damn about if my new friend has these 'issues'. I mean, not brushing teeth, come on, thats just seeking out arguments for the sake of finding arguments.

This was a simple example. If it was that by itself, then yeah whatever. But she was so darn immature. Literally, there would be feces on the floor oftentimes and surrounding the toilet. She would just throw any trash right where she was sitting/standing, whether it be in the living room, bedroom, bathroom, etc. She would never put a single thing away. She would never clean a single thing or offer to help me clean in any way.

My ex, (besides hygenie in the bathroom) was completely the same. But I never considered that as a trait. I know a lot of people, adults, who act super immature but still have a an awesome relationship.  Never really considered it as a possible 'trait' of BPD or any other.

I just call it their choice of living. Some like to have a house clean 24/7, some only for Christmas, some only for family, some only the bathroom. I tend to think nothing of it.

When you start living with someone, you aren't just partners, you are roommates. To still be doing this after living together for a year is extremely immature and thoughtless, IMO. I had nicely asked her many times to help out a bit (I wasn't expecting a spotless house, just not a dump), and she'd always freak out about how I was controlling and wanted to change her.

[HarmKrakow]

From everything which is written here in the list, I can easily make 'another' list as a points which I wouldn't give a damn about if my new friend has these 'issues'. I mean, not brushing teeth, come on, thats just seeking out arguments for the sake of finding arguments.

This was a simple example. If it was that by itself, then yeah whatever. But she was so darn immature. Literally, there would be feces on the floor oftentimes and surrounding the toilet. She would just throw any trash right where she was sitting/standing, whether it be in the living room, bedroom, bathroom, etc. She would never put a single thing away. She would never clean a single thing or offer to help me clean in any way.

My ex, (besides hygenie in the bathroom) was completely the same. But I never considered that as a trait. I know a lot of people, adults, who act super immature but still have a an awesome relationship.  Never really considered it as a possible 'trait' of BPD or any other.

I just call it their choice of living. Some like to have a house clean 24/7, some only for Christmas, some only for family, some only the bathroom. I tend to think nothing of it.

When you start living with someone, you aren't just partners, you are roommates. To still be doing this after living together for a year is extremely immature and thoughtless, IMO. I had nicely asked her many times to help out a bit (I wasn't expecting a spotless house, just not a dump), and she'd always freak out about how I was controlling and wanted to change her.

I fully understand your point and fully agree. We just differ on the outcome here in regards of cleaning. I cleaned my mess, sometimes hers. She sometimes cleaned mine and sometimes hers. Often when I was gone, it was a bigger mess than when I would leave but I sincerely couldnt be bothered.

I always thought, it's just cleaning :P and yeah, we also lived together.

[paperlung]

From everything which is written here in the list, I can easily make 'another' list as a points which I wouldn't give a damn about if my new friend has these 'issues'. I mean, not brushing teeth, come on, thats just seeking out arguments for the sake of finding arguments.

This was a simple example. If it was that by itself, then yeah whatever. But she was so darn immature. Literally, there would be feces on the floor oftentimes and surrounding the toilet. She would just throw any trash right where she was sitting/standing, whether it be in the living room, bedroom, bathroom, etc. She would never put a single thing away. She would never clean a single thing or offer to help me clean in any way.

My ex, (besides hygenie in the bathroom) was completely the same. But I never considered that as a trait. I know a lot of people, adults, who act super immature but still have a an awesome relationship.  Never really considered it as a possible 'trait' of BPD or any other.

I just call it their choice of living. Some like to have a house clean 24/7, some only for Christmas, some only for family, some only the bathroom. I tend to think nothing of it.

When you start living with someone, you aren't just partners, you are roommates. To still be doing this after living together for a year is extremely immature and thoughtless, IMO. I had nicely asked her many times to help out a bit (I wasn't expecting a spotless house, just not a dump), and she'd always freak out about how I was controlling and wanted to change her.

I fully understand your point and fully agree. We just differ on the outcome here in regards of cleaning. I cleaned my mess, sometimes hers. She sometimes cleaned mine and sometimes hers. Often when I was gone, it was a bigger mess than when I would leave but I sincerely couldnt be bothered.

I always thought, it's just cleaning :P and yeah, we also lived together.

I didn't even live with my ex but yet I cleaned her place for her all the time because she wouldn't do it herself. Just sleep from 6 AM to 4 PM, then say she didn't have time because she had to "go to work" (meaning get dolled up to go on cam). Wouldn't even properly feed herself. Just... .   ugh.

Really makes me wonder how she's functioning without my help. Hopefully fine as she really doesn't have much of a choice.

[HarmKrakow]

Really makes me wonder how she's functioning without my help. Hopefully fine as she really doesn't have much of a choice.

Why worry or think about how she is functioning without ur help? Why care? You guys are not bound together anymore.

[paperlung]

Really makes me wonder how she's functioning without my help. Hopefully fine as she really doesn't have much of a choice.

Why worry or think about how she is functioning without ur help? Why care? You guys are not bound together anymore.

Because when I was with her, she made me do EVERYTHING for her or with her. Not ONCE did she go out on her own to buy herself food. Not ONCE did she go out on her own to go shopping for clothes, furniture, ect. Not ONCE did she go to the bank to pay her bills on her own. Not ONCE did she visit the doctor on her own when she needed more pills. Not ONCE did she go out on her own when she needed new contacts. Not ONCE did she go out on her own she needed to buy new sex toys. I could go on, and on, and on... .  

Do you understand how I may feel completely used and now discarded? It didn't help that she rarely remembered to say thanks for the things I did for her. It just really pisses me off.

I remember one night, just a month ago, before she broke the news that she wanted to see this new guy, she approached me all cute and innocent like and in a childish voice as she wrapped her arms around me said, "Could you please go and pick me up 6 months worth of contacts." I didn't do it for her, but it kind of made me suspicious why she wanted enough to last her 6 months when usually she get new ones every month because it was cheaper. Made me feel she was up to something, that I wasn't going to be in her future plans soon.

[SadWifeofBPD]

I hope she wakes up and realizes one day that no man is going to completely fulfill her.

Why do you hope that?

So she gets therapy instead of thinking 'the one' will solve everything.

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I would venture even further... .     I think it's hope that at some point the pwBPD will realize that the exSO that they constantly blamed is not worse than anyone else.  

In my case, my BPDH talks about finding a great woman who will be perfect for him - who will take care of him, who will have empathy, who will listen to him, and who will help him get well.  These are all things that he (wrongly) claims that I don't have/do.  Of course he is very wrong, but in his childlike, immature outlook he thinks that there is "that woman" out there for him.  

I actually take some comfort in knowing that not only will he NOT find someone "better" out there, but he's going to be in some cycle of frustration as reality smacks him in the face.  That may sound mean, but as my one son says, "no modern woman will tolerate dad for more than a couple of weeks."