Sometimes I wonder if I'm wrong about her having BPD

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

My ex of 6 weeks now (2 years in the relationship, living together after 2 months) exhibits so many signs of BPD that it's hard to believe she doesn't have it.  Nothing I did was ever good enough.  Her exes were all devils, except her first boyfriend who was the best thing that ever happened to her -- except for maybe me.  I'm the one who's crazy.  I'm the one who's cheating.  I'm the one who keeps secrets and will never open up.  She hasn't worked for most of the 2 years we've been together and that's my fault.  She met her soulmate in a best friend and dropped her completely after 3 months because she was selfish, but now it's because of me.  I treated her horribly, I never really loved her, I'm a narcissist, yadda, yadda, yadda.  One more issue that fits the pattern is lying (I suspect, but never proved) about extreme things in the face of problems.

Let me elaborate on that last point in the hope that someone will confirm my suspicions.  She wanted to get a second dog and I didn't.  She got upset and I told her I didn't want one because the idea of something's life being totally dependent on me scares me.  She then told me she was pregnant, that she was leaving me and I'd never see her or the baby.  Shortly after, I found in her internet history searches for "how to fake a miscarriage."  About a week later, I took her to the doctor and she came out saying the doctor said she had been pregnant but wasn't now.  It's all very convenient, but there's no way for me to prove anything.  Maybe she really was pregnant and searching about faking a miscarriage so I'd never try to track her down.  I know that's not likely, but it's possible.

When I tried to get her to see a psychiatrist, suddenly she'd been molested by a psychiatrist.  When I didn't join her on a family trip to Nebraska, suddenly her brother tried to rape her and I should have been there to protect her.  When I found a text on her phone where her male "best friend" was suggesting they get a room for just the two of them on a group trip to Vegas they were discussing, she said it was just a joke and that I was an idiot for thinking she'd ever sleep with him since they're just friends and he's had a girlfriend for 6 years.  Of course, she told me after we split that she HAD slept with him just before we got together, which means that if he really had a girlfriend, he cheated.  I have no idea if he does or not.  I've never met him.  I had always suspected they slept together as I accidentally stumbled upon pictures that he had taken of her naked and pictures he had sent to her of himself naked.  He sent them to her after we were already living together.  On a side note, the two of them are currently in Mexico on a trip I paid for (nonrefundable) before we broke up.

I could spend all night listing the symptoms that do fit the pattern, but I'm more interested in the ones that don't.  She claims to have not been promiscuous (average of 2 boyfriends a year since she was 15, no one night stands).  I don't really believe it, but I have no evidence.  She's made comments that make me wonder, but again, nothing material to go on.  She never actually cheated on me, even emotionally.  For the vast majority of our relationship, she had no-one else in her life.  No exaggeration; no-one.

The thing that really makes me wonder is that I'm the one who broke up with her and she's not moving on as BPD's seem to.  She told me quickly after we split that she was dating and that she assumed I was too.  One time when she got angry she told me about all the hookups she was having, but later told me it wasn't true (claimed to not remember saying it) because she misses me so much she can't even go on a date with her ex without crying.  I'm the worst thing that's ever happened to her, but she misses me so much she wants to die.  That's somewhat standard, but after 6 weeks, why haven't I been forgotten?  Isn't that the typical behavior?  Why is she telling me that her trip to Mexico sucks because I'm not there?  Why did she get so upset when I went NC?  I forgot to block her email and she realized she could get to me that way and I've been too much of a wuss to close that last channel.  Why is she still so hung up on me, the guy that ruined her life and never hated her, instead of replacing me?  Is it that she just hasn't found someone yet?

[MakeItBeOver]

My ex of 6 weeks now (2 years in the relationship, living together after 2 months) exhibits so many signs of BPD that it's hard to believe she doesn't have it.  Nothing I did was ever good enough.  Her exes were all devils, except her first boyfriend who was the best thing that ever happened to her -- except for maybe me.  I'm the one who's crazy.  I'm the one who's cheating.  I'm the one who keeps secrets and will never open up.  She hasn't worked for most of the 2 years we've been together and that's my fault.  She met her soulmate in a best friend and dropped her completely after 3 months because she was selfish, but now it's because of me.  I treated her horribly, I never really loved her, I'm a narcissist, yadda, yadda, yadda.  One more issue that fits the pattern is lying (I suspect, but never proved) about extreme things in the face of problems.

Let me elaborate on that last point in the hope that someone will confirm my suspicions.  She wanted to get a second dog and I didn't.  She got upset and I told her I didn't want one because the idea of something's life being totally dependent on me scares me.  She then told me she was pregnant, that she was leaving me and I'd never see her or the baby.  Shortly after, I found in her internet history searches for "how to fake a miscarriage."  About a week later, I took her to the doctor and she came out saying the doctor said she had been pregnant but wasn't now.  It's all very convenient, but there's no way for me to prove anything.  Maybe she really was pregnant and searching about faking a miscarriage so I'd never try to track her down.  I know that's not likely, but it's possible.

When I tried to get her to see a psychiatrist, suddenly she'd been molested by a psychiatrist.  When I didn't join her on a family trip to Nebraska, suddenly her brother tried to rape her and I should have been there to protect her.  When I found a text on her phone where her male "best friend" was suggesting they get a room for just the two of them on a group trip to Vegas they were discussing, she said it was just a joke and that I was an idiot for thinking she'd ever sleep with him since they're just friends and he's had a girlfriend for 6 years.  Of course, she told me after we split that she HAD slept with him just before we got together, which means that if he really had a girlfriend, he cheated.  I have no idea if he does or not.  I've never met him.  I had always suspected they slept together as I accidentally stumbled upon pictures that he had taken of her naked and pictures he had sent to her of himself naked.  He sent them to her after we were already living together.  On a side note, the two of them are currently in Mexico on a trip I paid for (nonrefundable) before we broke up.

I could spend all night listing the symptoms that do fit the pattern, but I'm more interested in the ones that don't.  She claims to have not been promiscuous (average of 2 boyfriends a year since she was 15, no one night stands).  I don't really believe it, but I have no evidence.  She's made comments that make me wonder, but again, nothing material to go on.  She never actually cheated on me, even emotionally.  For the vast majority of our relationship, she had no-one else in her life.  No exaggeration; no-one.

The thing that really makes me wonder is that I'm the one who broke up with her and she's not moving on as BPD's seem to.  She told me quickly after we split that she was dating and that she assumed I was too.  One time when she got angry she told me about all the hookups she was having, but later told me it wasn't true (claimed to not remember saying it) because she misses me so much she can't even go on a date with her ex without crying.  I'm the worst thing that's ever happened to her, but she misses me so much she wants to die.  That's somewhat standard, but after 6 weeks, why haven't I been forgotten?  Isn't that the typical behavior?  Why is she telling me that her trip to Mexico sucks because I'm not there?  Why did she get so upset when I went NC?  I forgot to block her email and she realized she could get to me that way and I've been too much of a wuss to close that last channel.  Why is she still so hung up on me, the guy that ruined her life and never hated her, instead of replacing me?  Is it that she just hasn't found someone yet?

[MakeItBeOver]

Er, typo:  *never LOVED her.