Help I need ridiculous advice about Facebook

[Deleted]

As ridiculous and high schoolish as this may sound- I need advice from anyone on here who has gone thru a BPD relationship and FACEBOOK. I unblocked my exBPD back last July 2012 to not look childish -but then quickly deactivated my account due to my NC policy which by doing so, helped me tremendously. I reactivated my account a month ago (march) to check out and find certain people. Believe me when I say I did not check up on her or see her page. However to my surprise she still had 200+ photos of our relationship up since she still has me tagged. I'm not even going to ask or wonder why she still has photos after a year of splitting me black and honestly I don't care a much as I did to even pursue such ideas.my question is should I manually un-tag myself? Should I block her? Or leave it as is?

sorry for sounding like a 15 year old teen age girl but I'm not sure what to do. Thank you all for any advice 

[lockedout]

Block her. Seeing the photos will not help you in the least. It doesn't matter what she has up there. You need to keep it out of sight and out of mind.

[Deleted]

Thank you lockedout for replying- I just don't want to Come off as childish and still bothered by it although it does at times. I know she is going to say "still has me blocked? Haha still control him" and I'm not too fond of that but I've come along way and that gut wrenching feeling whenever I see those pictures is gone because I accept and come to terms with her illness and that she's a crazy lost soul.

[BorderlineMagnet]

FB is a freaking nightmare. I signed up to confirm my recent ex pwBPD was cheating, but have actually connected with a bunch of old friends from when I was isolated by another ex pwBPD. I'd block her but wouldn't un-tag. She might notice that and then pop back up in a negative way. I should talk though, I just posted public pix of my previous ex with me. The pix are kind of ambiguous as to where and when they were taken, and I still look the same. Plus this ex is prettier than the most current one. Pretty sad to do, but it's a way to see if the current one has been looking at my page, as she did say she had been kinda jealous (in BPD speak, MAJORLY jealous) that I still went to lunch with her occasionally. Figure they can push our buttons, why not push their's from time to time. I'm interested to she if she breaks the NC she imposed on me 3 weeks ago. She's a high-functioning BPD so she might still be feeling the shame of what she had done, and now it looks like her door she left open for herself is closing. Feel like an idiot doing this but in an odd way it makes me feel good too.

[Deleted]

Facebook is a. Nightmare literally 

During my first two months of NC I'd have dreams of logging onto fb against my will and seeing the next victims lined up and her flaunting her "amazing life" without me to my face. Thank god it was just dreams but it could of been a reality had I broken NC

[Mightyhammers]

Figure they can push our buttons, why not push their's from time to time.

hear hear - I was saying something veering towards this the other day but it didnt go down well. I know I shouldnt but I keep veering towards her FB page and she keeps changing her picture, Im not kidding, at least 3 times a week?

[Deleted]

Now it's more of a " poor guy or what a sucker" still stings a bit but I'm sure that's from the amazing sex they give us which I believe along with their behavior inject their venom deep within us. But of course with time it does get better... .   A lot better 

[BradyK]

Hi Deleted,

Yes, I know what you mean. But of course, it really doesn't matter anymore what assumptions she does or doesn't make about you, does it? I mean, she doesn't control you, does she?

[Deleted]

You're right bradyK she doesn't control me. I guess just the fact that she has hurt me and essential got the "last" word, and has not given me any sort of closure or apology. As a human with pride, I guess I don't want her to think she still has the upper hand.

[Deleted]

I guess I don't know how a BPD thinks  and feels no one does really, their common thoughts and behaviors are just outlined. I just want to go on there reconnect with friends and have no possible contact with her without her thinking she still has me or anything. If that makes sense 

[seeking balance]

I just don't want to Come off as childish and still bothered by it although it does at times.

protecting your own peace of mind is way more important than worrying about what she may or may not think or say.  Children are actually more likely not to protect themselves... .   isn't it more correct to say you will come off looking like an adult with strong boundaries?

take care of you.

[Deleted]

isn't it more correct to say you will come off looking like an adult with strong boundaries?





Seekingbalance, thank you well put. I hate how clouded the mind gets when it comes to the types of situations. 

[lockedout]

I didn't have to worry about being childish for blocking her. She blocked me at some point before I moved out and have no idea when. My father and best friend said that she has a lot of pictures of her out partying and wondered where I was before the separation. Nothing childish about it. She's looking for an audience. Don't be a part of it.

I took it one step further by blocking her cousins who are like sisters to her and a guy that was supposedly our friend who would come over and hang out while I was at work overnight. The cousins can run intel for her, the guy isn't my friend.

[marbleloser]

As far as BPD goes,I think this has more to do with object constancy.By keeping pics,momentos,clothing,etc.,,it re-enforces that there was a RS and that the SO does exist.

It's a coping mechanism for grief.It's simply what she's learned to do from an early age to reassure herself that although something isn't there,it doesn't mean it didn't exist.

Most learn at an early age that even though someone or something is gone away from them,it doesn't mean they don't exist.Like a child having a parent leave for work,and then the parent returns after work.The child learns that the parent is coming back and hasn't disappeared.

We sometimes do this as well.You'll see alot of posts regarding only remembering the good times,and not the bad,or wondering if the RS was even real.

I actually remember my first day going to pre-school and thinking I'd never see my parents again.I remember our neighbor driving me and me looking out the back window thinking I'd never return.Of course,I did return and this re-enforced object constancy in me.I learned that even though I was leaving,my parents would be there when I returned.

[theboro504]

After 3 months now, I suspect anyone who thought me childish or throwing a tantrum has decided otherwise. You do what is best for you; it's your turn. If what they think matters, what they think will change when they know you are serious about it.

Silence speaks volumes.