Imagine if you never fell for the pleas for help and just maintained a healthy level of adult interdependence. I think about this. I don't think the relationship would have gone anywhere.
Yep, I tried to fill his leaky bucket constantly (pulling my hair out in the process) When I asked for him to fill my bucket just a little, he left me.
He did not like my trying to place boundaries for my part in the relationship. He would rather let the relationship go than to try to have an equal relationship.
I'm a caretaker/rescuer by nature, which I refuse to accept is a bad thing, as long as we avoid enmeshed codependence and other dysfunctional nastiness. And I read something during the r/s which struck a chord: after a person gives and gives for a while, and doesn't get, eventually they question the arrangement and wonder where's mine? I told her once that my needs weren't getting met, and in a moment of lucidity, she acknowledged that no, she knew they weren't. Short lived but welcome, she then went back to doing whatever she wanted and assumed her role as a "project". Now I see that although she wasn't a completely-gone BPD, she does have periods of self awareness, but the traits are there for sure and they show up most of the time. The good news is I've been far less tolerant of that crap with other women, and I think I'm on my way to a healthy r/s. Thanks BPD.
