Do you feel like a failure?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

If you have a child with the person your here to recover from?

Me being from a broken home, I can't get past the feelings that I have failed him in giving him what I always wanted, which was a family in the truest sense of the word. Not this part time mom/dad, shared custody nonsense. I fear he will grow up to resent me like I do my own father, although I know I have done a heck of a lot more than my father ever did when it comes to trying, and now that we are not a "family", I'm still a huge part of his life, unlike my dad. The fear still resides within me though. 

[LMNO]

If you have a child with the person your here to recover from?

Me being from a broken home, I can't get past the feelings that I have failed him in giving him what I always wanted, which was a family in the truest sense of the word. Not this part time mom/dad, shared custody nonsense. I fear he will grow up to resent me like I do my own father, although I know I have done a heck of a lot more than my father ever did when it comes to trying, and now that we are not a "family", I'm still a huge part of his life, unlike my dad. The fear still resides within me though. 

[WalrusGumboot]

I fear he will grow up to resent me like I do my own father, although I know I have done a heck of a lot more than my father ever did when it comes to trying, and now that we are not a "family", I'm still a huge part of his life, unlike my dad.

I think you answered your own question.

I don't think there is any parent alive that have no regrets when it comes to their children. With age comes wisdom, and with wisdom comes a clearer vision of the foolish things we did and the shortcomings we had.

I think children, as they grow up and become young adults, extend a lot of grace to their parents, especially when they have children of their own. They realize it is the toughest job on earth. If you were present in their life, they dismiss the screwups. (My kids are now 27 and 23).

It sounds like you righted the wrongs of your father and are present in your child's life. I would try not to worry about it so much. It will work out fine.

[Surnia]

LMNO

I can relate with your thoughts about failure. I am doing sometimes the same. Its negative self talk.

I agree very much with WG about children and her growth.

Perhaps it could be helpful to focus on your inner strength and values as a father! Which are your qualities you can live and share with your son?

[asher2]

LMNO... .   if I could chime in here. Although I did not have kids with her (thank God!), I have a theory that "winners" in life always and naturally look at themselves to see what they could have done differently or better. I think this is true for people who succeed at a high level in anything in life - jobs, sports, relationships, etc. I believe people who "win" in life look at themselves and are usually harder on themselves than anyone else. Although it's noble to look at yourself for the "failure" of your relationship, the reality is that you were dealing with someone who has a serious mental illness. Certainly, (as I've had to look at within myself) there were/are things about you that led you to the relationship, but my guess is that the relationship did not "fail" because of you. Trying to have a relationship with someone who doesn't even know themselves is impossible (at least a true, loving relationship).

[mac274]

Very well said! Could not agree with these comments more.

LMNO... .   if I could chime in here. Although I did not have kids with her (thank God!), I have a theory that "winners" in life always and naturally look at themselves to see what they could have done differently or better. I think this is true for people who succeed at a high level in anything in life - jobs, sports, relationships, etc. I believe people who "win" in life look at themselves and are usually harder on themselves than anyone else. Although it's noble to look at yourself for the "failure" of your relationship, the reality is that you were dealing with someone who has a serious mental illness. Certainly, (as I've had to look at within myself) there were/are things about you that led you to the relationship, but my guess is that the relationship did not "fail" because of you. Trying to have a relationship with someone who doesn't even know themselves is impossible (at least a true, loving relationship).