Hi Allibaba,
I'm also sorry you're having to go through this.
So now I have to cook it on my own... . and our friends know something odd is going on
I'm probably ok for escape plans. As long as I can get the keys, the baby and the car I can buy anything else. I do have friends that I can go to... . I just don't want to let them in on the drama.
For what it's worth... . Just recently I started talking with two friends about what I am going through. One has been a good friend for quite a few years, has very little contact with my wife, and I had mostly lost touch with her for the past few years. The other is a friend I had made through work who has no contact with my wife.
The support I've been getting here from the bpdfamily community has been excellent, now that I finally started posting and participating. Discussing things with my T has been really helpful too. But there's something about actually being able to chat about my life with a real-life friend or two that has felt good.
With other friends, even good friends, I've felt like I've been holding back and often being careful what I said and didn't say. In a way, I was making myself walk on eggshells so as not to expose anything outside of my home. Now it feels really good not to have to walk on eggshells with these two friends. I feel like my support network is stronger.
One of them had been through a nasty divorce just a few years ago. She suggested that I have my own list (mental list is ok) of who I will call when I need different types of support (e.g., just listen, push me to do what I know I need to do, think things through out loud, cheer me up, etc.).
I certainly understand not wanting to drag friends into the chaos. My T also suggested that it's good that I have not mentioned anything to my family, otherwise it might just give them another strong reason to dislike my wife. The same would also apply to friends. Or worse, it would probably taint friends who like her.
Maybe I'm lucky that I have a couple of distant friends who I can now reach out to, but I found it emotionally helpful.
I hope you find your glasses soon!