Not Painted Black

[me757]

I read so much about people here getting painted black and dropped by the exBPD but I haven't really had that experience. My exBPD, who is engaged to a guy 5 months after we mutually broke up, tells me I'm her true love but that it didn't work out because I wasn't ready to get married (we only dated for 5 months). I never try to initiate contact yet she still calls me and wants to hang out. Maybe the new guy is getting painted black and I'm her excuse to do that... . I don't know. We met up yesterday and she wasn't wearing a ring. The most messed up thing she said was that she thinks her fiance knows that she still loves me but is still going ahead with marriage?   I definitely don't want to get back with her and I feel like she is probably crazier now that the stakes are so much higher. I really just agreed to meet up to see where I was... . and its a good place. Anyone have a similar situation?

[motherof1yearold]

I'll agree with you , but would like to add she is doing a balancing act with both of you because of her fear of  abandonment. Alternating men so she won't be left alone, in order to do that she can't split you black .

[elessar]

She is having the same doubts about him too and the idealization phase is probably over. She might slowly start to push him away and you are now the back-up.

[wanttoknowmore]

It's called triangulating (read definition)... .   purpose is to get maximum leverage and control... . For her its a risk reduction strategy... . if her new "love" doesnot pan out atleast she has you. If the new one works out (very unlikely) she can still keep you on back burner.