Early Difficulties

[NiceGuy83]

Hey guys, would appreciate some advice.

Having gone through the BPD abandonment cycle with a previous ex, this time I think I have progressed through the grief stages very very quickly.

While the current ex still has some contact, by coming round the house, that will end in either a couple of days time, or at the latest, end of the month.  I am resolved to go completely NC with her once that happens, and am looking forward to doing so, as much as I'm still hurting a bit.

But here's the thing... .   it's only been 8 days since she said she was leaving, and went to stay overnight at her friend's house.  I am still struggling to sleep (3-4 hours a night, when normally I'd get 7-8), have no appetite (partially because I am desperate to lose weight), and am having difficulty motivating myself.

Could anyone help with some advice on how to deal with this?  I am concentrating on getting better, not wallowing in the loss.  Thanks.

[NiceGuy83]

So she just rang again.

Asked how my weekend had been, and I was friendly - just told her I'd had a good night on Friday with my friends.

She told me she was worried about her performance in her job, and I was nice - told her she was good at it and would be fine.

She asked if she could use the house next weekend for her mum and her to stay in, and I put a boundary down.  I said I would be ok with that, if she paid me the £415 she still owes towards rent and bills tomorrow, when her expenses come through.  She told me she could only give me £100, so I explained that wasn't good enough, and she'd been promising to pay me back all through our relationship, but never fully did.  She asked was it easier if she just moved her stuff out, and I said yes.  We calmly arranged for her to come tomorrow, while I am out, to pick up her stuff. 

She said she was sorry things hadn't worked out, but we would still be friends, wouldn't we?  I explained a lot of hurtful things had been said, and I didn't think that was possible. She calmly said ok, and we wished each other the best of luck.

I'm cycling back to the grief stage I guess.  Got off the phone and have been sobbing a bit.  It is still a shock that she's going.  It is for the best, isn't it?