How Did I Not See It?

[asher2]

I was at an event this weekend where a business acquaintance who I had not seen in a long time was in attendance. He asked me if I was still dating my ex and I told him that I was not. I had forgotten that he had met my ex when we were dating and he immediately began to tell me that just by the brief interaction he had with her, he told me he could tell something was "off" about her. He also told me that his wife (who was also there when they met), could really sense it as well. He offered all this up without my prompting.

In a strange way, that comment made me feel good. Here I am, at a social event not even thinking about her and certainly not talking about her, and someone else (who I don't even know that well) offers up that he and his wife noticed that she was a bit "strange." In the months since our breakup, I've found myself second-guessing things on what I could have done better. Certainly there are lots of things in that category. However, hearing this reminded me that were a lot of people who saw the same thing and told me so while we were dating. As I've posted here before, after about a month of dating, my parents told me that they liked her, but thought she was "emotionally unstable and very manipulative." Truer words couldn't have been spoken.

It is just scary to me that I didn't see all this. I believed so much in her and all of the things she said. I look back and I'm trying to learn how I got so wrapped up into her. Certainly, the amazing sex was part of it as was my co-dependency issues I wasn't even aware of prior to her. Although this relationship was the most painful one I've ever experienced, I certainly have learned about myself and what I need to fix within me for my next relationship. But I do have to say, it was somewhat reassuring to hear from someone else totally from the outside, that the relationship breaking down probably didn't have to do as much with me as I may beat myself up over.

[motherof1yearold]

I have to agree with this! After my breakup with BPD ex he started an AGGRESSIVE smear campaign against me! Despite that, several of his friends have come forward asking me "what is wrong with him?" , actually 2 friends say they believed he had bi-polar or something close to that.

Validating for me , yet they still couldn't imagine the hell I went through with him.

I'm surprised your friends could tell something was up with her within minutes of casual speaking, I wonder if people pick up on my ex like that.

[asher2]

motherof1yearold... .   Although I'm not aware of a smear campaign against me, I've wondered what she says about me to people we both know. From what I understand about BPD, a smear campaign is not uncommon. She cheated on me, lied to me and moved on to her next victim within hours of us being done. I wonder what the story is she tells people when they ask about what happened between us.

Oh well... .   I can't control it anyway. And I know the truth.

[motherof1yearold]

Likely you have been smeared to the new partner at the very least. And most mutual friends.

What is uncanny is during BPD relationships the pwBPD actually starts smearing you DURING the relationship, and it only gets worse after separation.

Likely she will project all of smearing, saying you lied to her, cheated on her , etc.