Push/pull is common.
Has anyone else had this happen to them? They say it's the usual course of things, but my situation followed it to a T and I wonder if anyone else has dealt with this?
I felt as if the trust would get weaker and weaker over time because of him misconstruing almost everytihng I said and taking my normal amount of cautiousness as rejection. So he started talking to other people behind my back and grow distant rather than break up with me. That was the worst.
The trust on both sides subsides. He has learnt not to trust and what was established in the beginning, all those lovely words of adoration begin to not match up with the actions/behaviors - you learn not to trust.
I wish he just broke up with me but instead he kept me around even though he resented me for all this stuff, which only created more pain for both of us.
When I first left my ex I thought the same – “why didn’t you just tell me you weren’t happy”!
In hindsight, on the other side of grief I see it all very clearly now. I had the power to leave the relationship too! And I didn’t.
We created pain for each other – neither of us spoke up about our struggles with each other. In the beginning of any relationship, there is love and light and you can do no wrong – as the relationship continues we need to keep our eyes open to see whether their words equal the actions.
Words (used on their own without action) are cheap in any relationship.
So instead of a hard break up, he did this "let's just be friends" crap a couple times. But then he would come back around, but never say we were officially back on again even if he acted like it. Then when he wanted to pull away again, he would say "I told you we were just friends." It was so infuriating. I know why he behaves like that, but still. He should just have the balls to break up with someone and not string them along like that, and come back to them when he feels like it.
We need to dig deep to find that reason why we waited for them to determine our fate, the relationships fate. We place the power in everyone else’s hands but ours.
I did this too in all relationships – not any longer – my eyes are open.
So now we have weeks that have gone by with very little contact and it irks me that he must think it's ok to leave things like this and when he feels like it, he may come back around. I just want it to end already.
Yes he does have the right Ally! He can do whatever he pleases. Its up to you to act if it doesn’t fit with your own moral code.
I guess I could end it, but I don't want to be blamed for being the one to end it when I still want to try.
Good point!
Hmph. They say BPDs are all about black and white, yet they LOVE living in this grey zone with all their love interests. It's infuriating and it's not fair. I'm pretty much emotionally detached with him. He's given me so little over the last several months that there's nothing to keep me connected anymore. So I'm ok with it ending now if it should. But who knows what he will do.
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What are you hanging onto right now?
