Covert Contact From pwBPD. Why?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

We are all aware that pwBPD make "Covert Contact" with their ex Non. However i can never understand as to why they do this? We have all had the "Silent Hang Up Calls". calls from numbers we don't know, messages from withheld numbers etc etc.

So if a pwBPD does this type of thing, then we don't know it is them because there is nothing to identify it is them. So what is the purpose in their minds for making these covert connections with us Non's? It's mot like we can contact them back again because we don't know it is them in the first place.

[Willingtolearn]

We are all aware that pwBPD make "Covert Contact" with their ex Non. However i can never understand as to why they do this? We have all had the "Silent Hang Up Calls". calls from numbers we don't know, messages from withheld numbers etc etc.

So if a pwBPD does this type of thing, then we don't know it is them because there is nothing to identify it is them. So what is the purpose in their minds for making these covert connections with us Non's? It's mot like we can contact them back again because we don't know it is them in the first place.

[GreenMango]

It's an attachment disorder.  Makes it hard for a person to let go.

There's a lot of impulsivity and impaired emotional control combine that with a fear of rejection makes for some pretty questionable behavior.  Like trying to jump start a relationship again without being upfront, or maintaining a connection by prank calls.

It's comes down to how you want to handle it too.

[asher2]

Willingtolearn... .   The biggest thing I have received since our breakup is random text messages from numbers I do not know. They will say "hey" or, "what's up?"... .   something along those lines. Then, if I respond, there will be no response back. After not getting those for a couple of months, I actually just got one the other day that asked for someone I do not know. Maybe that last one was an actual "wrong number" but maybe it wasn't.

I could guess all day if it is her or not sending these. I could replay coming home one night and swearing I saw her car parked in front of my place before speeding off, over and over and debate with myself if it is her or not. But one of the things I've learned to tell myself since we broke up is "who cares"? She has a serious mental illness that I know I cannot make sense of. I can't make sense of her actions so I'm not going to even try.

I suppose, to answer your question, the hang-up calls, calls from odd numbers, etc are ways for them to still feel connected to you, but I don't know. I don't think I'll ever really know why she did a lot of the things she did when we were together, let alone bizarre behavior after we broke-up.

My advice is to not try to analyze their behavior because it will just drive you crazy. You can't make sense of it. Instead, try to focus on what you can change about yourself so that you do not get wrapped up into another relationship like this in the future.