Mother with BPD

[KEnsign27]

I found this website when I googled "how to cope with BPD mother", I'm an adult child dealing with a mother I feel has BPD (she has never by diagnosed by a professional) she has many of the symptoms.  I've always known that my mother was different then any other mother growing up but it was not until I took a physc class that I've realized my mother might have BPD.  Many of the symptoms apply to her, major angry outbursts, major addictions like gambling, men, shopping, drinkig & drugs, her making me feel like nothing I do is ever good enough, and just the nasty way she would talk about everyone!

The last straw was in September of last year:  My mother lived with her boyfriend for about 12 years (they were in a very unhappy relationship) he had finally had enough and kicked her out in April so naturally in her eyes my sister and I were supposed to hate him.  My sister and I both have children, mine are girl twins who are now 9 and she has a little boy who is 7 and her little girl is 4 and my mothers boyfriend had become a grandpa to our children.  She expected us to remove this man from our lives and our kids lives even though the kids just loved him. In September Al her ex-boyfriend asked us to bring the kids over to pick out pumkins so my sister and I did, well my mother happened to be at her friends house across the street and seen we were over there.  Then the nasty text messages started about how we were to never see her again, we were btches, ass holes and it went on and on! Then she proceeded to tell us that this man was evil and he was going to posion our children and what kind of mother would allow a man to murder their children.  We stopped talking to her for a couple months and both my sister and I decided to give her another chance and sat and talked with her and set some guidlines of what we will and will not tolerate.  Our relationship after that lasted about a month and half and the blow ups happened again, nasty text messages, her telling people that she would never abide by our rules, and that yeah she calls us nasty name but so what its not a big deal.  So I haven't talked to my mom since January but it kills me that I don't allow my kids to have thier grandma in their life but I'm so afraid that she is going to blow up on my children the way she blows up on my sister and I and I can't take that chance! Of course there is alot more that has been said and that has happened but this is just the gist of it.  

[catnap]

  KEnsign27

I am so glad that you have found us and are reaching out for support.  I can understand how hard it is feeling as though you are denying your children having a relationship with their grandmother. 

When a family member has BPD, the illness can negatively everyone in the family system, including children, siblings, and in-laws. Senior members on the [L5]  Coping and Healing from a BPD Parent, Sibling, or Inlaw board are experienced with and can help you with setting boundaries, finding relief from FOG, encouraging self-care, improving your handling of relationships impacted by your BPD relative, and pursuing a path of recovery from traumatic experiences. The validation, information, and support will give you strength on your journey.

Book suggestions:

Understanding the Borderline Mother

Surviving a Borderline Parent

I look forward to hearing more of your story. . .please keep posting.

catnap