Crappy to Happy List

[Somewhere]

Some years back (about 13, now) when I was going through PTSD stuff after leaving the Army, etc. I put together a Crappy List (things I did not like in my life) and a Happy List (things I wanted in my life).

I wrote the Crappy List in the lower left corner of a sheet of paper, the Happy List in the upper right hand corner, and drew a line between them.  That was my map.  

Although I was deep in Crappy Land at the time, I figured with a map, I could figure out which direction I needed to be going, and could progress some that direction every day.  

Even if on any given day, I made no progress towards Happy Land, as long as I was facing that direction, when I woke the next morning I would be heading the correct direction.

Eventually I found myself crossing the bright sunny fields between with Crappy Land behind me, fading below the horizon, and found myself in a Very Happy Land.

With Mrs. Somewhere off at rehab, and me back in Alanon, and reconsidering all that, I figured maybe it was time to update that map.

So I finally did and here is what it looks like today --

==================

Crappy List:  

(sadly enough this is what I often get from Mrs. Somewhere -- but I tolerate it, and have to own my part in that )

The Hate-You Rages

Lies and Backstabbing

Chaos and Crisis

Envy and Owed Attitude

--------------------------

Happy List:

(where the map says I am heading)

To Love and Be Loved

Open and Truthful

Steady and Ordered

Gratitude

=======================

Looking at it, it sort of looks like the On The Beam / Off The Beam List from AA/Alanon.

Figured I would post this to keep track of me, and invite anyone else along who may wish to make the Joyful Journey.  Get your own maps ready, fill your canteens, saddle up, and get ready to head out.  The March starts today.

[maria1]

Hey I like this- thank you!

My crappy to happy list is my homework for the weekend. I wanted to start with hating myself to liking myself but that seems to clear cut. Why not though? I will post again after some thought.

Thanks again. It sounds like a great way of working toward positives 

[Whatwasthat]

What a great idea Somewhere.

I'm going to need some time to think about it too. But it's a good project.

WWT.

[LetItBe]

Thank you, Somewhere.  This really is a fabulous idea!  I'll work on mine this weekend.

[Diligence]

Thanks for the invitation, Somewhere!  I appreciate it.  Count me in.

Crappy Land:  Habitual nebulous dread of undefined ominous outcomes.   

Happy Land:  Anticipated general enjoyment of now and what is to come.   

Map:  I am going to start MoodGym right now.  Anybody else want to come along?

Warm regards!

[Whatwasthat]

OK - Having a go at this Somewhere. I think I may want to review the list over time - I assume that's 'allowed'! 

Crappy List

Doing what I feel I 'ought' to do - ie what my 'head mind' tells me to do

Worrying about how other people see me

Feeling scared about life/the world

Thinking there are great limits on what's possible

Giving myself a 'hard time'


Happy List

Getting in touch with what my 'body mind'  wants me to do - through meditation but perhaps through dance too.

Letting people know what I want - kindly but clearly

Doing things that make me happy every day

Trying new things

Prioritising care of myself

Believing in what I can achieve


Please keep reminding us about looking at our lists Somewhere!

Thanks. WWT.

[Somewhere]

Soo . . .

I had my two lists -- Crappy and Happy.

And I put them on the map.

But for some reason, I could not bring myself to draw the straight line between Crappy and Happy Land.  

So I took it to an Alanon meeting

Read the Crappy List . . .

The Hate-You Rages

Lies and Backstabbing

Chaos and Crisis

Envy and Owed Attitude

ALL of the Crappy List was from Mrs. Somewhere's side of the wall -- my phrase for the AA room next to the Alanon room.

AND

EVERYTHING that I wanted -- The Happy List -- was on MY side of the wall, in Alanon-Land and within me.

And read the Happy List . . .

To Love and Be Loved

Open and Truthful

Steady and Ordered

Gratitude

It seemed that was all sort of like the On The Beam / Off The Beam List.

But I had figured out that I did not want to leave my little buddy, Mrs. Somewhere in Crappy Land, and that was why I could not draw the line.  But it was all only her crap.  It was and is not where I belong.

So I sat there and listened while other folks covered their stuff around the room, it sort of occurred to me that only real path is the Good Ordered Direction path, and not the line I did not want to draw.

And sort of figured out that it was just as well as I did not already draw the path between.  That would be ME trying to direct my own path.  Under Step 11, the wiser path is for God to direct my path and for me to have the wisdom and courage to follow that.

So I went home and was telling my daughter I did not want to draw the line, but would rather put God in the path and follow that.  We drew a Big Cloud in the middle with God on it and just a little arrow heading in and out.

Told our daughter about back during happier, saner days, when we would fly on business trips with the kids -- we would get the back-seat of the plane, and tell the kids that any bumps or turbulence were for extra fun, and the pilot was doing that to make the trip like a roller coaster.  When we hit a bump they would laugh and ask for more.  So now, she just laughed and stuck her hands in the air and said, "weeeeee."

So I drew the Big G.O.D. Airlines Cloud between Crappy and Happy Lands, we said our prayers and . . .

Now, today, I look around . . . and I am already there.  

Happy Land.

To Love and Be Loved

Open and Truthful

Steady and Ordered

Gratitude

I could choose that anytime I had the courage and wisdom to do so.

I am already there, it was always right there on My Side of the wall.

I am sticking with God Big Cloud Airlines.

[Diligence]

Dear Somewhere,

What a happy revelation to realize you are already in Happy Land!  I like the name of the airline you have chosen.

I am working on Mood Gym.  It seems like it is the right supplement to embellish what I am already doing for myself.

I also travel with the comforting knowledge that I am under God's oversight.  I look to Him for His timing and direction as I make current choices that seem right to me.

Here's to one-way flights!   

Warm regards!

[Cumulus]

Dear somewhere, thank you for these wonderful thoughts. What an amazing ride life can be when we realize we can only fix our own crappy. And we are only responsible for our own crappy. Fellow traveller on the airline to happy.