Unexpected feelings after 1 month NC

[PM10]

Okay, so this is far from the FIRST time I have gone NC with my ex, but it is most assuredly the last.  I sealed it this time with involvement of the police. 

I never thought it would be easy.  As a matter of fact, I thought it would be very hard, as it has each time in the past.  I always feel so empty.

This time it's different.  It's hard in a different way.  This time my pain, my angst, has little to do with him.  At least consciously.  This time, I am just horribly insecure about EVERYONE ELSE!

I have always been an insecure person, and have always felt that people don't like me, and that I am not talented.  For the past 2 1/2 years those feelings all got concentrated towards him, I guess.  Everything else seemed less important, so I did not worry so much about what people thought about me or my talent.

Well, I have finally gotten so that I don't focus on him (yay me!) but now I am focused on everyone else and what they think, and making a general nusance of myself asking them all te time if they like me, or if I am doing a good job.

Advice?  Thoughts?

[Surnia]

So familiar, PM10. 

This was one of the things about codependency, at least for me: I can forget about my daily struggle with myself, feeling insecure, worried about mistakes and what people think.

In my opinion: We can unlearn this things. Not in 10 days   but with steady practice it gets better.

My steps are:

Minimizing negative self talk

More validation for myself

Refraiming thoughts about concerns/anxiety

Great you could recognize this things. Thats the first and most important step! 

[hithere]

Advice?  Thoughts?

Go to therapy and work on yourself, hang-out with friends and family you trust and have good history with.  Make a conscious effort not to ask people these questions.