Here Comes Summer Vacation...

[Babysteps]

Hey everyone. For a short summary for anyone who has not seen my other threads, I'm a freshman in college with an uBPD mom, triplet siblings, a little sister who is currently a Junior in high school, and a unemployed dad. My parents recently got divorce this summer, so my dad is living with my grandma and taking care of her. Over spring break, my childhood house was sold, so my mom is moving.

I have about a week and a half away from the semester ending... .   I am terrified. I love school. I love how positive everyone is here. My professors and peers have so much confidence for me. This is my escape. I love being able to dive myself into schoolwork. I love working at my on-campus job and with my co-workers. I love living with my two roommates-one, in which is going back to japan because she is a one year exchange student. I'm going to miss my friends and the strong support system I have developed here.

Everyone is counting the days down... .   and I am covering my hands over my ears pretending that I can't here them. I do NOT want the semester to end. I am NOT looking for summer break. Summer break is going to be awful... .   My end of the semester plans are official:

• My mom is picking me up... .   Gonna be a joyful several hour car ride with her. Yeaah... .  



• I am living with my mom. In her tiny townhouse. At least I'm sharing a room with my little sister, I missed her a lot.



• My triplet sister is living with my dad. That means I am the only rational responsible adult in the town house... .   I need to be the strong one this summer and take all of it. I need to protect my little sister.



• My brother is living with my mom too. His temper, over the past year, has gotten very verbally and physically aggressive. He's acting like my uncles-aka the uncles who emotionally abused my mom to the point where I think she developed her disorder.

Oh dear I am so terrified. Definitely since being at school has softened me up. More things bother me now because I know I should not be treated that way. It was so much easier to deal with my family when I had worst self-esteem than I do now. But coming here, I realized I am pretty, I am intelligent, I am responsible, I am a wonderful amazing person that can go places. Dealing with the negativity at home... .   is going to be awful.

I only hope I can get a summer job as fast as I can and binge on the hours. I pray I can get enough hours (or enough jobs) to become a workaholic this summer. Anything to get me out of the house (and also help pay for college). I need to be out of that tiny little town house. I am so worried about my sanity this summer. I feel that I might not be the same coming back next semester... .   I need to be the strong one for my family. It's scary though. I hope I can handle it and I hope I can make it out of this summer the least damaged possible.

Any suggestions? Or anyone can relate about dreading summer vacation coming?

[XL]

Can you get a job outside of the house? Like maybe somewhere that requires you to be away a lot, like a summer camp? Volunteering? Internships?

[GeekyGirl]

I never quite understood why I dreaded going home for holidays/summer break until long after college was over. I remember feeling the same way you do, babysteps.

XL's suggestions are great. Keeping busy will help you tremendously. Do you have some high school friends that you'll want to catch up with? Any relatives that you can visit? Working will help you make some extra money and keep you out of the house, but you'll want some downtime too. Maybe you and your sister can work on some projects.

Some things that helped me: checking in regularly with college friends through phone calls/e-mails, finding activities to do (I worked out a lot), and when I felt like I couldn't take it anymore, I remembered that eventually I'd go back to school. My mantra was: Pretty soon I'll be back at college. I can handle this.

What can you do besides a summer job to de-stress and keep yourself busy?

[Beachbumforlife]

After first year I went home.  I worked a lot and ran alot by the beach (quiet and peaceful). Second year I came home and it lasted a month before I got a job back on campus and left.  Then I learned to always keep a summer job at school and not come home.

Good luck this summer and stay busy.  Make sure you exercise and eat right.  You'll need your energy.  If there is something your mom is strongly interested in, like a hobby, talk to her about it constantly.  Let that be your only focus of conversation.  It distracts them to talk about something they really like that makes them happy and they think you are super interested in them.  It's a win win.

[ScarletOlive]

Babysteps,

Some great suggestions so far. Maybe you can plan sleepovers or day trips with friends to keep you out of the house. When you're at home, you can relax on the computer, listen to music, read, work on hobbies etc.

Also, I highly recommend you check out the Healing Board Lessons section called "Tools for Reducing Conflict." The tools really are invaluable and will help ease the tensions when you're with your mom.