What do you think about before you go to sleep?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I've noticed that for years now, I would think of the woman I was dating every night before going to sleep. This is since my divorce, so it's ten years of this.

I didn't even notice it until the shirt hit the fan a few years ago. I was able to replace my ex BPD with an extremely good looking, exciting and much younger partner that took my mind off of her when I was with this one and thought of her before I would to to sleep... .   think same clown different circus... .  

Am I the only one? again?    

[Hurt llama]

I've noticed that for years now, I would think of the woman I was dating every night before going to sleep. This is since my divorce, so it's ten years of this.

I didn't even notice it until the shirt hit the fan a few years ago. I was able to replace my ex BPD with an extremely good looking, exciting and much younger partner that took my mind off of her when I was with this one and thought of her before I would to to sleep... .   think same clown different circus... .  

Am I the only one? again?    

[changingme]

Hi,

I am confused... .   do you still think of your ex BPD partner or the new person you are dating at the time?

[Hurt llama]

Hi,

I am confused... .   do you still think of your ex BPD partner or the new person you are dating at the time?

Sorry, I didn't write that well. It's the new one I would be dating and only if a serious relationship but the feeling of going to sleep at night thinking of my ex BPD in particular was a source of comfort to me... .   Now that I have really made a significant 'leap' in greatly limiting contact... . My mind almost doesn't know where to 'go' when I try to sleep. I might try music or some relaxation meditation recording before sleeping tonight. It's been rough.

Literally all day and night when thoughts of contacting her or imagining conversations, I continuously turn the thoughts into 'bad' or better said into the typical dead end I would find myself when trying to  carefully 'explain' my feelings over and over and over... .   and if I was lucky she might say, "You are starting to make sense, not the way you used to speak to me".  

[changingme]

Just go where ever your mind takes you at night.  If it is your ex, most likely you are still sorting out the feelings. If it is new person then that is great.  If you flip-flop I still think that is normal.  I read something recently if you think of someone first thing before bed or waking up it is usually the person you love or the person who is causing pain.  In the case with BPD, we have both! Since I am an avid dreamer I won't be surprised if I will forever dream of my ex and/or think of him often before bed. This was a huge part of our lives.   

Try relaxation techniques like you say, but also try not to stress it at all. I think it is all normal.   

[theboro504]

I think about how to never let this happen again.

[Sleep doc]

HOW F'ING TIRED I AM!  j/k (though lately actually that has been true which I consider to be a really good sign).

The rumination and perseveration is the worst part of this to be honest.  Your ego is truly invested in this person and without them there your ego is somewhat empty.  You can do something that you know will exhaust you so that you think of nothing else but your head hitting the pillow.  But honestly just accept that this is part of the process.  For me, the things that helped were that she went completely nuts at the end, that she started screaming "don't touch me" when I tried to calm her down at the end which scared the hell out of me, and that truly there was nothing left.  I couldn't be friends with her, I couldn't love her, I was just disgusted by her.  She asked me if there was someone else, and I said "honestly no, I just don't like being emotionally manipulated anymore".  When I went to no contact (I mean who wouldn't seriously) at first I was relieved.  Then a few days later I had trouble going to sleep.  Then I found this site, and did some reading and some real thinking and realized everything I knew to be true subconsciously was in fact... .  true.  Then sleep became easier.  When I wake up I still think about her, and during the day I can't help but wonder why she hasn't reached out to me when before she always used to, but then I focus on the end - the true psychotic nature of it and I come to this site, and I feel better.  Now even when I wake up I think about her less.  I also am reengaged in my life.  I think accept the feelings, accept that YOU fell in love (god only knows what the hell they fell in), and accept that it was NEVER going to work.  Then sleep, and your life, will come back to you.

I still have anxiety on occasion but the fear, obligation, guilt, sleeplessness, depression - they are all slowly fading away.  It's moments like this when I wish I was borderline... .  then I could just pain someone black and go away.  But I will have to do normal human grieving and so will you.

Stay strong man and QUELL THE REBELLION IN YOUR HEART!  Crush that ass... .  and then the brighter days will come.

[Hurt llama]

I think about how to never let this happen again.

hahaha... .  

I needed the laugh!

[susanleona]

I used to take comfort in thinking about the good times before going to sleep, but this was NOT a good thing to do, because it made me forget the bad times, and left me open for a recycle.  Had to force myself, and still do, to think of the bad stuff so I will have the the backbone to keep away. 

[VeryFree]

Somehow I alway seem to think of the problems of that day before going to sleep.

Right now I have one big problem, so I guess: yes, I think about my stbx before going to sleep.

[lostkitten]

I try to not think about him ... .  easier said than done, though.

[maria1]

It gets better I promise. reading your post made me remember I used to think of my exwBPD as I was falling asleep and as soon as I woke up. when we were together and after we split. Before that it would be whoever I was seeing and before that I would make up a fantasy man to imagine being happy with.

Now I just think what I think and fall asleep, some good, some bad. He appears in my thoughts st times but not in a disturbing or soothing way, he just is part of it all and it's OK. No more fantasy required.

[Hurt llama]

I used to take comfort in thinking about the good times before going to sleep, but this was NOT a good thing to do, because it made me forget the bad times, and left me open for a recycle.  Had to force myself, and still do, to think of the bad stuff so I will have the the backbone to keep away.  

Funny, I've done both but I have always had intense dreams and like most of us, I've had terrible nightmares about my ex. repetitive dreams that feel real.

I refuse to think of good times with her before falling asleep as it's to disturbing and I did intentionally think of the bad things but I really do get nightmares about her and I don't want to embed thoughts like that into my unconscious before sleeping!

It's bad enough to think about while I am awake!

I'm remembering what I used to think about before going to sleep years ago... .  I would imagine nice things... .  being on a beach... .  or in a cabin with snow falling or if I couldn't sleep I would calculate numbers and silly stuff like that... .  Now it's a jungle out there... .