Daring Greatly - Brene Brown, PhD, LMSW

[Cumulus]

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live Author: Brené Brown, PhD Publisher: Avery; Reprint edition (April 7, 2015) Paperback: 320 pages ISBN-10: 1592408419 ISBN-13: 978-1592408412

The book I'm suggesting isn't about the BPD experience but rather about ourselves and how we can create the kind of relationships we desire.

The name of the book is ":)aring Greatly" and it's about being vulnerable. The author is Brene Brown, her TED talk on this subject is one of the most viewed talks on TED.com.

My first reaction to the thought of being vulnerable was, no way, will never trust again and allow anyone to get close. Reading the book has helped me understand the need to become vulnerable if I want to live a full life and how to develop trust along with the vulnerability. It has challenged me to develop the courage to allow others in.

"It's not an easy journey from excruciating to exquisite but for me it's been worth every step." (B.Brown). I want to be able to say that too.

[Cumulus]

"Wholeheartedness. There are many tenets of wholeheartedness but at its very core is vulnerability and worthiness; facing uncertainty, exposure, and emotional risks, and knowing that I am enough."~ B.Brown

Dr. Brené Brown's book Daring Greatly looks at the concept of vulnerability in our relationships. If we want to live emotionally fulfilling lives and to become wholehearted people, she discusses how we first need to become vulnerable. The book challenges many ideas of what vulnerability is, and what it isn't.

For anyone wanting to live their life with courage, who want to have deeper and more meaningful relationships, Daring Greatly will advise you and challenge you.

The chapters include:
What It Means to Dare Greatly
Introduction: My Adventures in the Arena
1. Scarcity: Looking Inside Our Culture of "Never Enough"
2. Debunking the Vulnerability Myths
3. Understanding and Combating Shame
4. The Vulnerability Armory
5. Mind the Gap: Cultivating Change and Closing the Disengagement Divide
6. Disruptive Engagement: Daring to Re-humanize Education and Work
7. Wholehearted Parenting: Daring to Be the Adults We Want Our Children to Be
Final Thoughts
Appendix -- Trust in Emergence: Grounded Theory and My Research Process
Practicing Gratitude

Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW, is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She is also the author of The Gifts of Imperfection and I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t). In addition, her TED talk on the subject of vulnerability is one of the most watched on TED.com, and her work has been featured in the media, including a PBS special.

[Cumulus]

Two years ago I walked into a lawyers office and told her my story. She listened and said, be prepared for a difficult battle, he sounds like he has a personality disorder. I rejoiced, feeling at last someone understood. Six months ago I returned to finish up the last of the legalities. She asked me how I was doing and we chatted a bit about that. On my way out she said, listen to Brene Browns talk on vulnerability. You need to hear it. I left confused and feeling let down, obviously she didn't understand as I thought she had. Vulnerability, who was she talking to about vulnerability? Wasn't I one of the most vulnerable people she had ever met and wasn't it that very vulnerability that for me and so many others enmeshed us in the life of a person with BPD? Wasn't it this very vulnerability that made us care so much, and want to help them, to fix their lives for them?

I was curious though so I listened to the talk. I didn't understand but thought there was something important for me in it. I listened again and yet again. There was something I needed to know but couldn't quite get. I looked to see if she had written anything and found Daring Greatly. I had never considered vulnerability in this way before. I had to put to rest my ideas on vulnerability and see it in a new and rather disquieting light. The book has challenged me in a profound way. Can I be this brave, to bring out of the dark and into the light problems that need to be addressed.

[charred]

My failed r/s with a pwBPD led me to take personal inventory, and figure out what my issues were.

I found I keep people at a distance to keep from getting hurt, and that makes it hard to ever get in a genuinely intimate r/s, whether with friends or a SO.  Attachment theory helped me understand origins of BPD and my own FOO issues, but offered very little in the way of information to help change things and learn to connect with people better.

Daring greatly is focused on connecting with people, on what stops us (shame, fear, FOO issues)... and the daring greatly amounts to daring to overcome the fear of connecting and being genuine. It is totally on the spot for what I believe made me vulnerable to a BPD r/s. A person with BPD will ignore boundaries, so when you put up a wall to keep people at a distance... .they are not kept away. It will take some serious vulnerability and daring to let people get close, but that is the solution. A lot of behavior that seemed to never make sense, was explained... .very good book.

[seeking balance]

simply - BRILLIANT

I would read her book - Gifts of Imperfection first however.

[clairedair]

Thanks to a couple of recommendations on this site and also mention of her work in a newspaper here in UK recently, I ordered her CD "Men, Women and Worthiness". I finished listening to it in car today but want to listen through again with a pen and paper  in hand as there are some parts that I really wanted to write down and reflect on.

I thought I might find it 'new agey'/'touchy feeling' (I'm a Brit - we don't tend to be culturally geared up for this kind of thing  ) but I find her easy to listen to with examples from her own life that you can tell she finds tricky to share but does so anyway. 

The CD deals mainly with shame and shame resilience.  I thought I'd learned a lot about shame in last few years but she had some things to say that really had me thinking.

I'd like to read the books next so will take seeking balance's advice and go for 'Gifts of Imperfection' first.

[clairedair]

I was curious though so I listened to the talk. I didn't understand but thought there was something important for me in it. I listened again and yet again. There was something I needed to know but couldn't quite get.

Cumulus - meant to add that this was how I felt listening to the CD - that on the surface it sounds like stuff I know but that there is something important there.  I can't put my finger on it which is why I need to listen again. 

It's interesting that you hadn't thought about vulnerability in the way that she talks about it before because I think that's the experience I had today - that I there's something else about shame that I hadn't thought about in the way she describes.

[Clearmind]

Great book - I'm half way through and I must say I am surprised how much my own shame shapes my thinking and being.

[charred]

simply - BRILLIANT

I would read her book - Gifts of Imperfection first however.

And "I thought it was just ME (BUT IT ISN"T)... before that even... they are all good, but if you are just reading one, get Dare Greatly.

I usually buy one copy of a book... .if I get 2 it is generally an accident, like I forgot the title but it looked good, then I find I already have it.

Bought 3 copies of Daring Greatly on purpose after reading it... so I have copies for people to "borrow."  It is that good.

[clairedair]

charred's favourite is Daring Greatly; SB suggests reading 'Gifts' first; charred suggests "I thought if was just me" first - Amazon were doing a deal on all 3 so I just ordered them all   

[seeking balance]

charred's favourite is Daring Greatly; SB suggests reading 'Gifts' first; charred suggests "I thought if was just me" first - Amazon were doing a deal on all 3 so I just ordered them all   

You can watch Oprah's 2 part interview with her on OWN super soul sunday online... .gives you a preview.

[charred]

I read all three... the earliest book was "I thought it was just me"... which deals a lot with shame, then "Gifts of imperfection" came out... which gets to owning your story and being more genuine... .":)aring Greatly"... covers them all and points out lots of connections between emotions I never realized, and for me anyway... says that you fix lack of connection by connecting... and that what holds you back from it is trying not to be vulnerable. Lot of good stuff in ":)aring Greatly"... it is my favorite one.

[seeking balance]

FYI - Brene' Brown is doing a NEW 2 part special this Sunday on Oprah's Life Class.

(yes, I am an Oprah Super Soul Sunday GEEK)