Blahrg She just moved in a few houses down; broke NC

[goldylamont]

so, about two weeks ago i get a 'random' call from my exBPDgf saying she got a new job and moved into a new apt., that she wanted to pay me back some money she owed me and to return a drill i let her borrow (i'd forgotten about the drill); this is after about 5 months NC. i'm in a new r/s now so, no, i don't want nor is it possible to have a "friendship". in the last 2 weeks she's texted small things or contacted me maybe 3 times, not too much so i feel ok. and i've never initiated (other than sending her a nice message that she need not worry about paying me back and that she could keep the drill).

well, last night, an older neighbor of mine, kind of like my godmother of sorts since i've lived here, says "did you know your ex moved in right down the street?" then she points around the corner. she has spoken with her in the last few days; asked my ex if she had spoken to me and my ex lied and said we hadn't spoken in months (although she had just contacted me several times).

my ex just got a new job close by; and of course just like all of the passive-aggressiveness i'm used to with people like this there would be no way for me to prove that living close to me is someone a way to get back close to me. but i know in some ways she's hoping to. i can feel it. more than one mutual friends let me know she just broke up with some poor fella and feels she realizes how good she had it with me. and then that's when i started getting calls from her. and then i just find out, surprise, out of the gazillion places she could be she moves in literally 6 houses down from me--this was something she failed to mention over the phone in our one convo we had.

anyway, i don't even know if i have a question i just had to get this out. i don't like it at all, but what can i do? well, in another post someone gave excellent advice and said to prepare a personal plan on what to do when/if your ex tries to contact you again, so below i'll start outlining a plan of action so i know what to do. honestly, i know she can't go more than 6 weeks without being with a man so if i can wait it out she'll prolly lose interest soon... .  

[goldylamont]

my plan if exBPD contacts me (i'm open to suggestions of others can add their plans too?)

1) if she comes a-knocking on my door, with a big smile as if we're actually good friends: Me--"hi, wow, yeah, so-and-so mentioned you were living down the street. great. well hope things are good there for you. great. take care, be safe :-)"  DON'T LET HER IN

2) if she asks to come in -- "Sorry, I don't think that's such a good idea. Have a good day though, welcome back to the neighborhood!" if she asks why "It's just my preference. Nothing against you, have a nice day, good luck with the job!"

3) If she calls and leaves a voicemail about paying back the money--send her a text: "if you really do want to pay me back, just drop it in the mail whenever you have a chance, no worries."

4) We see each other, and she doesn't acknowledge--I don't acknowledge. that simple

5) We see each other and she says hi. I'll say "hi" then ignore anything else

hmm, any other scenarios i should think of? i'm trying to mentally rehearse this stuff before it happens. i'm so tired of this passive-aggressive BS, we live in a large metropolitan area there's only a one in a 500,000 chance she would need to live on the same damn block as me

[Hurt llama]

noo

(that's a sympathy noo, I'll see what I can come up with... . meanwhile look at it as a test from a higher power)

[seeking balance]

my plan if exBPD contacts me (i'm open to suggestions of others can add their plans too?)

1) if she comes a-knocking on my door, with a big smile as if we're actually good friends: Me--"hi, wow, yeah, so-and-so mentioned you were living down the street. great. well hope things are good there for you. great. take care, be safe :-)"  DON'T LET HER IN

2) if she asks to come in -- "Sorry, I don't think that's such a good idea. Have a good day though, welcome back to the neighborhood!" if she asks why "It's just my preference. Nothing against you, have a nice day, good luck with the job!"

3) If she calls and leaves a voicemail about paying back the money--send her a text: "if you really do want to pay me back, just drop it in the mail whenever you have a chance, no worries."

4) We see each other, and she doesn't acknowledge--I don't acknowledge. that simple

5) We see each other and she says hi. I'll say "hi" then ignore anything else

hmm, any other scenarios i should think of? i'm trying to mentally rehearse this stuff before it happens. i'm so tired of this passive-aggressive BS, we live in a large metropolitan area there's only a one in a 500,000 chance she would need to live on the same damn block as me

Well, you are certainly getting a gauge of where you are in detaching!  Personally, your plan on how to handle contact sounds great - indifference and not creating any drama is the key... .  be as boring as possible.

Good job in practicing - it is like if you play basketball, the reason you practice thousands of free throws is so in the big game, it is automatic - stress won't effect the actions needed.

[Hurt llama]

Last I heard from my exBPD fiancee/gf/Special Friend she told me she is probably getting a job (she lives a 3 hour flight away) and will be living in my city soon for two months (um one of largest in the world) and I had an absolute panic attack... .  I told her to never come to my places I go for dinner and please stay away from my area... .  It was obviously ridiculous but I get ill imagining her anywhere near me... . the only thing 'good' about this insanity was that it was long distance... . So I am very sympathetic to your situation.

To me, the fear is not what I would do or say but how I would react to things she did or said... .  she is always cool under pressure... .  nice pleasant voice almost always... .  calm, cool exteriour that makes me nervous... .  A friend of mine described her actions recently as 'lethal'.

I think I am safe as I've always reached for her... .  and I think after me dumping her about 5 times this one is sticking... . she sucked all she can out of me and I think I'm safe (If I keep saying it, does that make me safer? )

www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBLolRpZ0og

[LoveNotWar]

Oh man, that is NOT fun. Sorry. But you've got a plan  Stay strong.

[goldylamont]

thank you guys! i need this support. it's crazy--i was literally just on the phone with my current gf and i tell her that i found out my ex moved close by here. of course she wasn't thrilled but she's very understanding (we had a recent passive-aggressive encounter with her ex-bf at the beach) so she understands.

but yeah, i'm literally on the phone with her and just looking out the window... .  and lo and behold, there's the ex parking her car 1 car behind mine on *my* street. maybe there's street sweeping or something on hers? she was with another woman, i'm assuming her roomate; here comes the summer of act-like-you-don't-see-me and if you do act-like-you're-so-happy-and-don't-notice-the-other-person! .

Well, you are certainly getting a gauge of where you are in detaching!  Personally, your plan on how to handle contact sounds great - indifference and not creating any drama is the key... .  be as boring as possible.

Good job in practicing - it is like if you play basketball, the reason you practice thousands of free throws is so in the big game, it is automatic - stress won't effect the actions needed.

and, you are right 'seeking balance'! this is a guage of where i am as far as detaching! i could/should start a new thread on this but i view myself as a spiritual warrior, and this person as a spiritual witch (or perhaps a soul vampire as others have posted) and this is a test of my metal. i so wish i could say that none of this mattered at all to me, but it does affect me some. but, like you said, at least now more about where i'm at--and i'm way past where i was 6 months ago or a year ago. (a year ago i couldn't eat, 6 months ago i was doing really good but still *thought* i loved this person and b/c i didn't know what BPD was). i'm proud of how far i've come, and feel blessed to have a loving and understanding gf to keep me on the right track. and i'm going to need every bit of strength b/c beyond what i ever believed possible this woman is now parking her car one car behind mine. i know she looked up here and saw me too (she used to live here a year ago b4 she effed it all up :-)

i feel a hot sauna and some meditation coming my way... .  oommmmmm... .  biotch 

[goldylamont]

Last I heard from my exBPD fiancee/gf/Special Friend she told me she is probably getting a job (she lives a 3 hour flight away) and will be living in my city soon for two months (um one of largest in the world) and I had an absolute panic attack... .  I told her to never come to my places I go for dinner and please stay away from my area... .  It was obviously ridiculous but I get ill imagining her anywhere near me... . the only thing 'good' about this insanity was that it was long distance... . So I am very sympathetic to your situation.

To me, the fear is not what I would do or say but how I would react to things she did or said... .  she is always cool under pressure... .  nice pleasant voice almost always... .  calm, cool exteriour that makes me nervous... .  A friend of mine described her actions recently as 'lethal'.

the video was funny Hurt llama, thanks! i understand how you feel and you sound like you are just starting the hard practice of NC which i know you will soon master my friend, it's rough i know. and, about the panic attacks--i feel like this is passed from parasite to host, unfortunately. what i mean is that i've felt such intense and forceful, focused anger/anxiousness directed at me from this person at times i feel like part of this was left in me so it's up to me to free this excess energy. i remember walking in the room when she still lived here but we were broken up and she was with one friend of hers, who i feel was an "enabler" of sorts--i caught a split second glimpse of my ex's eye and felt a dagger of hate, it was so strong. i think it's remnants of this that get stuck in our bodies so we need to find ways to let this energy out since it's safe now. i hope this is making some sense, bear with me. i've mentioned before that my ex's previous roomate, who was a woman, told me that whenever she saw my ex's name printed or saw a text from her and saw her name that she would almost physically shake and couldn't think straight, such was her anxiety. i was shocked, it was like that for me for several months too but i was shocked that she could have this affect on a person of the same sex after only being 'friends'/roommates for less than a year. and it's my gut feeling this has to to with "hersexisaweapon" as we discussed in a previous post. they've been practicing the art of eating souls for decades by the time they come upon such prime, strong and proud spirits as ours... .  so, it's ok to be stirred like that. i've seen my ex be anxious and felt her anger and a deep fear, it's crazy i think what you feel is probably 1/10th of what they feel and felt whether we were aware of it or not. one thing's for sure, i'm not going to get stuck with that kind of energy for life, get behind me shatan!   , be strong and patient llama!