grappling... that was the man I loved

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Where to start?  My once loving husband has become a total stanger - Jekyll and Hyde to the max!

I haven't had much energy to post or even read more than a few threads a week.  Between a high stress job and dealing with my impending divorce, I feel I am kind of shutting down.  I've been on the forum several times with the intent to post but haven't been able to find the words. There are so many thoughts in my heads and weird dreams every night - it's like I don't know where to start.  When I read threads, I'm inspired by other's strength and resilience; I am trying to find my own.

So, here is my post for TODAY.  I won't try to sum up the WHOLE or the last few weeks - it's too easy to get lost in that. Here is just today.

We separated our finances 7+ months ago when we were still living together (married 10+ years)-- this largely stemmed from fighting over $ due to his pot habit.  Since that time, we'ver maintained a joint account to pay bills - mortgage and utilities.  Every since we split the accounts, he has pulled money here and there from the joint.  I've pointed some out, let some go.  This week he pulled out a large chunk so I informed him that there wasn't enough to cover mortgage which would be pulled May 1.

We work together, but we are in a large building, far a part and have only seen each other 2-3x since I left (NC except emails).  Today, he confronted me in front of colleagues - he was very aggressive - accusing me of not paying mortgage (mind you, he pulled excess $ out).

It was beyond awkward to say the least - scary, completely unprofessional, and just disconcerting.  He then sent me a super nasty email which follows suit with most of our other email correspondence - nasty, name calling, telling me how much he hates me, etc.

I forwarded to my attorney who said it was completely unacceptable and that he would call stbexh's attorney to tell him to cease and desist these behaviors.

I don't really have a question; I just wanted to write it down.  How did my once loving and affectionate husband become so monstrous?  I'm getting tired of the battle that shouldn't be.  He is losing control at work - it was very hard for co-workers to see, but in some way, I'm glad they did.  I think it will cut down on the power of his smear campaign there.  

[atcrossroads]

Where to start?  My once loving husband has become a total stanger - Jekyll and Hyde to the max!

I haven't had much energy to post or even read more than a few threads a week.  Between a high stress job and dealing with my impending divorce, I feel I am kind of shutting down.  I've been on the forum several times with the intent to post but haven't been able to find the words. There are so many thoughts in my heads and weird dreams every night - it's like I don't know where to start.  When I read threads, I'm inspired by other's strength and resilience; I am trying to find my own.

So, here is my post for TODAY.  I won't try to sum up the WHOLE or the last few weeks - it's too easy to get lost in that. Here is just today.

We separated our finances 7+ months ago when we were still living together (married 10+ years)-- this largely stemmed from fighting over $ due to his pot habit.  Since that time, we'ver maintained a joint account to pay bills - mortgage and utilities.  Every since we split the accounts, he has pulled money here and there from the joint.  I've pointed some out, let some go.  This week he pulled out a large chunk so I informed him that there wasn't enough to cover mortgage which would be pulled May 1.

We work together, but we are in a large building, far a part and have only seen each other 2-3x since I left (NC except emails).  Today, he confronted me in front of colleagues - he was very aggressive - accusing me of not paying mortgage (mind you, he pulled excess $ out).

It was beyond awkward to say the least - scary, completely unprofessional, and just disconcerting.  He then sent me a super nasty email which follows suit with most of our other email correspondence - nasty, name calling, telling me how much he hates me, etc.

I forwarded to my attorney who said it was completely unacceptable and that he would call stbexh's attorney to tell him to cease and desist these behaviors.

I don't really have a question; I just wanted to write it down.  How did my once loving and affectionate husband become so monstrous?  I'm getting tired of the battle that shouldn't be.  He is losing control at work - it was very hard for co-workers to see, but in some way, I'm glad they did.  I think it will cut down on the power of his smear campaign there.  

[atcrossroads]

And, I think I will take off my wedding ring tonight.  My husband has had his off for months - I've kept mine on.  Why?  Partly because of image - I know I will be judged and questioned at work without it.  Partly because... .  I love my ring - always have loved everything about it - it's a part of me.  Partly because I thought this process could be much more amicable than it has been.  I thought I could wear it and feel ok wearing it until we divorced (likely it will be official this summer).

God, all of this is so hard!

[LoveNotWar]

A scene at work!  I'm sorry you had to endure that! I can't imagine working in the same building as my ex, that definitely takes strength.

[delgato]

cross,


I'm sorry to hear all that.


Did you originally meet at work?

I met my exBPD there. Wasn't a good situation. Eventually I left the company.

I'm scared of meeting new women at work now. 

[atcrossroads]

Thank you, Love.

Is it bad that I'm praying he will seek another job and MOVE?  My family/friends/life are here; I'm not leaving.  He is making everyone's life at work miserable.  Contentious over every issue.  It is not easy.  I am avoiding him best I can, but now I feel he can waltz down to my area and accost me -- scary!

[atcrossroads]

Delgato - that must be tough. No, we met outside of work, but later he got a job there.  It was wonderful during the good years. Now, it's just awful!  He was so aggressive that a friend even escorted me to my car today.  Creepy!  Everyone has their snapping point - he has never been physical but his anger is off the charts.  Better safe than sorry... .  I am on guard and hate it!