My Story and the proverbial Straw

[costadelmar]

So my exBPDgf is extremely attractive we’re both 40 but we both look about 8 years younger I’ll admit as a couple it was nice when everyone would compliment us together maybe that’s some of the narcissistic in me.  But because she’s so attractive I don’t ever anticipate hearing back from her because I learned later that she will date anyone so there's never a short supply of men for her, meaning she never has to come back once she's done recycling etc and has moved on. We had separated in September of 2012 but we were trying to work things out (or so I thought) She had already begun moving on but was keeping me at bay just in case her new relationship (that I was unaware of) did not work out.  I come from a normal background, military, then college, then a stable job, I've got a beautiful little girl from a former marraige I have a clean record aside from some speeding tickets, live in a great area have a boat on a canal etc.  The man she replaced me with was an ex prison convict, former drug addict, who uses steroids everyday, with prison tats all over his body. I would text and email her everyday and around the end of October she started only responding to me via the phone, I later learned that she was telling him and her friends that I was harassing her and would show them all the text and FB emails but would conveniently not mention that she called me almost immediately after each text and email.  When I heard that you could I couldn't believe she would stoop that low, but wait it gets better!  Another guy she dated 5 years ago (that I met after we went through the final recycle in September) we compared notes and were astonished but still had no idea what BPD was at the time.  So he poured a beer on her head at a bar because she kept coming over and talking with his friends he warned her several times.  Obviously, that was very uncool no matter what the situation.  I was not there when it happened but when I walked in she assumed that we both planned it and was outside calling the cops, she told me she was going to have me arrested for harassment.  She said that I was laughing and standing right there when it happened.  Chaos everywhere she was screaming and yelling.  Now my expwBPD and I have mutual friends they couldn’t believe her actions towards me when I had absolutely nothing to do with any of it.  I had seen her at a house party earlier and said hello, was very cordial and actually was fantasizing in my mind that we would get back together.  But she kept her distance and I didn’t approach her.   In hindsight that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.  But wait it gets even better, remember the steroid prison guy with the tattoos?  He vowed to hunt both me and her ex down if he ever saw either of us out.  Last time I checked we graduated high school over 22 years ago.  I thought of being out with my daughter and having to get into a confrontation with this crazy guy it added so much unneeded and unnecessary stress in my life.  The other ex felt terrible that the fallout was all on me he called crazy prison guy and told him what happened this after prison guy had tried to come after him on 2 separate occasions, when he told him I had nothing to do with any of it the crazy prison guy said yeah well he’s been harassing her so he’s coming after me anyway.  I have to be honest this whole situation was absolutely crazy so much drama etc.  He did back down after he found out I had no involvement and her other ex mentioned he didn’t want to go back to prison either so they both should stand down, so then I’m like wait you were in prison too?  WTH?  She blocked her number (bc I texted her that night to tell her I told her ex (the guy I know) what he did was wrong) immediately , and then blocked me on FB.  So the only way to contact her was via email I sent her one email on FEB 21st so I did and asked her to do the right thing and clear my name this after mutual friends and witnesses told her I was not there nor did I have any part of it.  In hindsight I couldn’t figure out why she never called to apologize but now I know people with BPD never take responsibility for the chaos they cause.  On March 13 she reached out via text started out ‘No need to reply’ she went on to tell  me about some deal on theater tickets for Les Mis and how if I call the box office they would tell me how to get the deal.  I responded with the following “For $4.99 AT&T will give me the ability to block up to 30 phone #’s, I find that extreme because there is only one phone # I want blocked.  Please do not contact me again.”    So far there has been NC since then.  I stumbled across what BPD was early last week and I was astonished.  There is no doubt in my mind that I was in a r/s with someone who is severely suffering from it minus suicidal, and self harm tendencies.    As all of you know there is so much more and what I shared was just the tip of the iceberg but it feels so good to vent this.  My friends try to understand but unless you’ve actually been through something like this there’s no way to really relate, which is unfortunate because the BPD has a way of always coming off like a victim and painting the non-BPD like a monster.  Finding this site was complete vindication for me.  I went from hating her and missing her to feeling pity for her, knowing how bad this disorder is I don’t even wish her the best because she will never change.  I just feel pity and sadness for myself.  I have met some women and have dated a little last night though I was on a date with someone I really liked.  It was so refreshing and normal.  I do worry that a normal woman may get boring to me now, I hope that’s not the case.

Anyway for those that took the time to read this thank you very much.  Any thoughts or comments would be very much appreciated, having had to relive this again has made today a difficult one I was doing really good but I knew I needed to vent this it’s part of the healing process.     

[seeking balance]

 ,

I remember first finding this site and my head was spinning - so many things making sense, but at the same time - wow... .  this is a lot to comprehend.

What part of your post did you want to talk about?

Your narcissistic traits, questions about BPD, or that you are dating again... .  you touched on all these in your post, so a lot of big topics to choose from 

What I can tell you that I did was slow down a bit and look at myself, take inventory of how I ended up with a person disordered so I didn't end up in that situation again.

Peace,

SB