I Got Law Enforcement Involved

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Don't be so hard on yourself. I know that the naive, immature, trusting, forgiving person I was when I met BPD/Nxh doesn't exist in me anymore, but it's hard to look at yourself at the beginning with the "experienced" eyes that you have now. It always hurts to see the kindness abused in such a frightening way. He is the one that should feel shame, not you.

You asked if you should take advantage of things that he says - probably not because it only exposes you to more risk and it's more important than ever to lay low and take care of yourself. He can probably feel a shift in your demeanor and you don't want to let him know that you are getting stronger. It just triggers more abuse etc.

Can you walk away? I know that sounds feeble, but if you can hold your tounge and not engage it will probably bide you well.

I am sorry that you had to contend with terrible acts in your childhood and also as an adult. I really want happiness and peace for you and you really sound like you are ready for it.

Have you called a DV centre or church yet? Do you know what emergency help is available in your area if you need it urgently?

[Forward2free]

Don't be so hard on yourself. I know that the naive, immature, trusting, forgiving person I was when I met BPD/Nxh doesn't exist in me anymore, but it's hard to look at yourself at the beginning with the "experienced" eyes that you have now. It always hurts to see the kindness abused in such a frightening way. He is the one that should feel shame, not you.

You asked if you should take advantage of things that he says - probably not because it only exposes you to more risk and it's more important than ever to lay low and take care of yourself. He can probably feel a shift in your demeanor and you don't want to let him know that you are getting stronger. It just triggers more abuse etc.

Can you walk away? I know that sounds feeble, but if you can hold your tounge and not engage it will probably bide you well.

I am sorry that you had to contend with terrible acts in your childhood and also as an adult. I really want happiness and peace for you and you really sound like you are ready for it.

Have you called a DV centre or church yet? Do you know what emergency help is available in your area if you need it urgently?

[Kunoichi]

I will be the person I was before I met my husband, only now much wiser. I have a big soft heart and a very kind soul in spite of him. I have not been able to show that side of myself very often and most ppl think I'm just a b*itch on 2 feet but that is because of the constant stress I live under.

I am aware of the support in my community but I have pets that I will not leave behind and there is no support for them outside of our home. He will be cruel to them and possibly kill them as a means to hurt me, I hate him for knowing all of my weaknesses and he has none.

As for keeping my jibes to myself, I can do that and have been doing a better job as I think of how peaceful and happy my life is going to be once he's out of it.

He is definitely aware that my attitude has changed and he is right now "acting" sheepish. We know that with a BPD their feelings as such are typically insincere and they perform in ways that normal society expects them to instead of actually doing it out of true feelings. I don't mean to say they are robots and have no feelings at all but I honestly believe the only thing they CAN feel is anger and paranoia. They seem to have no genuine ability to feel happiness or joy and no genuine aptitude of responsibility, honesty, trust or loyalty.

[Grey Kitty]

I don't know what is available... .  have you really looked for places that could take your pets in temporarily while you are in a shelter? If you call resources like your local domestic violence hotline or shelter, they might have suggestions for you.

I hate the idea of something happening to your pets. I also hate the idea of something happening to you because you are worried for the safety of your pets.

Surely there is a safe way out for both. Staying in the medium/long-term while you look for a job is going to be very difficult for you!

[Kunoichi]

No worries, I know how to "behave myself" to stay safe.

There really is no help for my pets and I just will not allow them to suffer. If that means I get hurt then I'll just get hurt.

I am determined to have a better life and I will die trying to accomplish that if I have to. I know that sounds crazy to most people and maybe I am but I am also determined to do this.

[ForeverDad]

Well, if you do get hurt - as much as we don't want that to happen - and are able to call for help such as 911 for emergency responders, then you can seek extended protection.  If you are granted a protection order or restraining order, even if just for the short term, will force him to be the one to live elsewhere while it is in effect.  That would give you some time to make arrangements for yourself and the pets.

Very important, if you do have to call, don't delay doing so.  Delay is your enemy.  Emergency responders will rush to help you as long as it's an emergency situation.  Once time has passed or the situation is no longer imminent, those same agencies may be limited in how much support and aid they can extend.

For example, not to make light of anything of course, if you called 911 and said, "Last week I felt in danger from XX, please help me." you could possibly hear a reply such as "Please call back when it's an emergency again."  It may not actually be like that, you may get some limited assistance or guidance, but I don't think I'm far off.  You have to call while it is still an emergency or as soon as possible thereafter.

[Kunoichi]

That is very true and let's hope it doesn't get to that point. Believe me when I say that I have wracked my brain for a better solution but there just is nothing else available for me that will also benefit my pets. They are like my children and maybe no one can understand that feeling but I am not willing to sacrifice them any more than I would sacrifice my own child.

[egribkb]

You say earlier in this thread that you are not afraid of him but in another thread you say you are worried he might try and kill you. I think you are deep in FOG and you should think about 2 things:

1) Your name is not on the report, but if he is investigated he will be pretty sure you initiated it unless he has been sharing his surfing habits with others.

2) You also say you "refuse to live with a Pedophile who could possibly or maybe already has crossed the line." Yet you are still there. Why (besides your cats)? This is something to ask yourself, you don't need to justify yourself to any of us of course.

I strongly agree with other posters here that you MUST have a safety plan in place. That means you can be out the door and know where you need to go given 2 minutes notice. Even having just a neighbor that is willing to hide you in their closet while the cops come and get you is better than doing nothing.

[Kunoichi]

You're right, I don't have to justify myself to anyone and I'm not going to. I'm starting to regret even becoming a member of this site and trying to find answers and maybe some support. It seems that the choices I am making for myself don't meet with anyone's approval and I certainly didn't know that was a requirement to a be a member here. I won't apologize or justify my decisions and if anything I have said offends someone well, you'll just have to be offended.

[egribkb]

I apologize for my bluntness Bellamina, I am not trying to judge you nor am I offended by what you say. I am just worried for your safety based on the things you have said. This is a good place with lots of supportive people, we just want to help. I don't think any of us want to pile on the huge stress you are going through. It took a huge amount of courage to call the cops, I know. My advice is tempered with experience of what could happen, not necessarily what will happen. Better safe than sorry though, as the sorry end of that equation runs deep. In the end only you can make any decisions, but please stick around and keep sharing your story.

[Kunoichi]

If it makes everyone feel better I just spoke to the detective and this is what he told me;

"Child Erotica" is NOT illegal in Florida EVEN if the child is nude! As long as the child is NOT touching themselves in a sexual way, engaged in sexual conduct or showing their nude genitals then it is perfectly legal. So, according to the law in my state my husband is perfectly OKAY to view, fantasize and jack off to images of children no matter if they are nude or dressed and posed provocatively. Well, that just makes me feel soo much better. NOT! Whatever, it seems I'm the idiot for finding it offensive and immoral. I'm off of this board just thought you all should have some "closure".

[lbjnltx]

Good luck to you Bellamina!

Take care, we'll be here for you if you change your mind.





lbjnltx

[Clearmind]

All the best Bellamina - we are certainly here if you feel you need the support.

[whereisthezen]

Bellamina,

I do hope you pop back on the boards and give us an update on your situation and how you are doing.  I admire you for being able to open up and write your thoughts as they come to you without filtering them for the audience or for approval, there are several members that are just like you with your thoughts and I really appreciate the honesty, the insight, the realness of your situation.  I am 100% sure there are members on this board who have gone or are going through similar circumstances, for them and for those of us who paticipate on this board with our own experiences I am thankful that you are addressing the behaviors of BPD, BiP, and your reactions to being in this r/s with your husband.

Thank you. 

I have read articles that those with mixed dx's that are are on antidepressants can impact hypersexuality.  One said that BiP should only be given AD as a last resort when heavily sedated and or facing severe depression due to medications to help with major symptoms.  It seems to send a BiP individual into hypermania.  Not sure if that fits into your situation, but I wanted to write it in case he has had frequent med changes if he is medicated for his diagnosis.

Back to you, please pop back on the boards when you are ready. I understand you may feel like there is a judge and jury here, but please do not feel that way.  Many of us have stressful situations just like yours and when our main communication is writing, sometimes we don't come through as caring or concerned.  We are and I hope you find that here again.

Another approach to your pets and their safety might be to try listing a foster ad on craigslist and finding a foster parent to watch them for a few weeks.  Maybe you can say you will have to visit an ailing family member out of town soon and need to find a match for your pets as they can't come with you?  If you try that and are able to find a caring person to look after your pets, I think you'll have relief if you ever need to use them.

Lots of  .

I apologize for my bluntness Bellamina, I am not trying to judge you nor am I offended by what you say. I am just worried for your safety based on the things you have said. This is a good place with lots of supportive people, we just want to help. I don't think any of us want to pile on the huge stress you are going through. It took a huge amount of courage to call the cops, I know. My advice is tempered with experience of what could happen, not necessarily what will happen. Better safe than sorry though, as the sorry end of that equation runs deep. In the end only you can make any decisions, but please stick around and keep sharing your story.