I am going down fast

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I broke off our engagement 3 mos ago.

She used any means possible up until 7 days ago to get in touch with me.

That's when I blocked her from all forms of communication.

She can still call me from another phone if she really wanted to.

Today is the 7th day without a word from her and I am losing my mind.

My thoughts are out of control and feels like I'm dying inside.

This overwhelming feeling of doom is consuming me.

[Rameses]

I broke off our engagement 3 mos ago.

She used any means possible up until 7 days ago to get in touch with me.

That's when I blocked her from all forms of communication.

She can still call me from another phone if she really wanted to.

Today is the 7th day without a word from her and I am losing my mind.

My thoughts are out of control and feels like I'm dying inside.

This overwhelming feeling of doom is consuming me.

[benny2]

I feel that way sometimes too rocky. He was pretty much all I had here. My kids have all moved away and I am alone. Even though things were not right, he called me a couple times a day and I would see him a couple times a week. I have this overwhelming emptiness inside, but then I think of the reasons why I let him go and the horrible things he did to me while I was living with him. He can be such a sweet man, but he did those things and I know what that sweet man is capable of and I know he will do it again. They can turn on you like a snake and feel no remorse. I often wonder after all the years we have known each other, how can he just throw it all away? But he can, just like I am nothing at all. Its those reasons why I left him and reminding myself of the cruel things he did to me, assures me that I have done the right thing. Its hard and it hurts but we have to remind ourselves of the reasons why we left the relationship and not concentrate on the reasons why we stayed.

[Surnia]

Rocky

this is tough! 

So sorry to hear about your struggles after the broken engagement.

Take some deep deep breaths. Is there anything you can do just for distraction right now? Do you have hobbies or friends?

More longterm thinking: What about a therapiste? If not I would consider to see someone. You came along from a longer marriage to a very difficult relationship which is now broken. Could be perhaps a good moment to start working with a T.

[Validation78]

Hi Rocky!

I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. I experienced some of the same just 4 short months ago. It seems a life time ago, yet very fresh!

Here are some of the things I did to get by without allowing the separation to consume me.

I got into a daily routine. First though upon waking up, thank God for another day, say a prayer. Read something positive while getting ready for work. Said a prayer on the way to work.  Read affirmations when I got to work and kept them at my desk for times when I was feeling weak. Did 25 jumping jacks every hour followed by deep breathing exercises, repeated affirmations. Kept busy, not a lot of alone time. Reached out to friends when I felt weak. Replaced good thoughts of him with bad thoughts of him. Rewarded myself for making it through another day without giving into my thoughts of love and reconciliation. Told myself over and over, I would get better in time. Did not engage in conversation with him. Every email I wrote was proof read by a friend so only unfinished business was discussed. Put plan into place regarding divorce, and followed through. Did not respond to his sweet emails or nasty emails which included threats. Every day without him got better. As I realized how much this relationship weighed me down. Little by little, I came to the realization that life would be different, but better, and it is, IT IS!

Here are some of my affirmations:

I am healthy

I am strong

Leaving this relationship is healthy

I will be alright

I am a good person

I live my truth

Best Wishes,

Val78

[LoveNotWar]

Rameses, I am so sorry you are going through this. Detachment is HARD, the process of detaching from someone you loved is similiar to the grief process.

You broke off the engagement for a reason right? Trust your instincts.

I call what you're going through "meltdown" days and they do happen. But as time goes by there are less meltdown days and things DO get better.

That feeling of "doom" is it anxiety? Some things that help anxiety (besides going to a doctor for medication, which isn't a bad idea either)  are exercise, healthy diet and some form of meditation or prayer. I manage my stress by running or walking almost daily. I feel MUCH better after a three mile run.

I'm very fortunate because I have a good friend I can call and I ask her to talk me through it when I have those days. She tells me this WILL pass and I WILL get through it.

So let me tell you... .  this WILL pass and you WILL get through it!  you can do this!

[flynavy]

Rocky... .  please stay strong for your own good!  After I broke off my engagement last summer I continued to se her for sex... .  she was OK an d so was I... .  I thought.  It actually made it worse.  Even though I was always suspicious she never broke off her 8 year relationship with her current boyfriend and was engaged to him when we were building our "so-called relationship, I never really saw them together until just recently.  That's when it really hit me that this was going on behind my back and his for 2 years.  In another post area I talked about how our brains create pathways... .  especially when we have experienced feelings of euphoria and Love.  Even just reading an email before deleting can still trigger the brain to go down that pathway cuz it remembers how good it felt.

Bottom Line it does hurt real bad.  I lost the Love of my life... .  my wife to Ovarian Cancer 3 1/2 years ago.  I was extremely vulnerable and easy prey for an BPD/NPD woman.  I guess what I'm saying is you have to go through almost the same process of grieving because your love was betrayed.  So you mourn, your angry, you start to normalize and accept and get top a point where hope turns into planning and action for the rest of your life.

I always used exercise... .  running, biking, swimming to both distract and to produce endorphins naturally in the brain.  It works!  You will get through this!  You would think for me, this would be a piece of cake since I just went through it with my wife.  Guess what... .  I created new pathways to feeling good in my brain... .  so I'm doing it all over again.  It is hard!  It sucks!  but it does get better!  Really!